There are NO Winners with a PD

People need to smarten up and take responsibility for who and what they allow into their lives. This is what recovery has been about for me, to smarten up when it comes to my emotions. I am smart enough in other area's of my life, yet with men, I have always been an emotional cripple, stunted, like a trusting child.

Whether you choose to call it Codependent, love addict, brainwashed by the PD, victim, trama bond, Stolkholm syndrome, PTSD, or just plain naive and not in your right mind, hopelessly "in love." The END result is always going to be the same. We lose, way too much of ourselves in these relationships and are generally a mess by the time we get out.

Obviously a relationship with a married man is a dead end and hurtful to their families, yet so is a relationship with an active drug addict, a physical abuser, a liar, a cheat, a PD, and a man who has the emotional maturity of a 2 year old.

The wife suffers if she stays with the PD, the OW suffers if she gets involved with a married man or a man with a GF, or a PD.

What I notice is that when people are in trememdous pain they like to "compare" with the OW or the wife.

You can either put the OW down to somehow justify or make yourself feel better or worse depending on the situation.

Oh she was a skank, or she is not pretty, or she is heavier than me, or she was cruel to the PD.

Or you can go the other route and say: Oh she is prettier than me, younger, smarter, better, why is he with her now, what's wrong with me???

All of this comparing is pure bullshit. It is designed to keep you stuck and keep your mind off the real issue at hand and the real issue at hand is: What are YOU doing with this whack job and what do YOU need to do to get out and stay out? All the rest of it is just smokescreen to keep the focus off of the self and the true pain which is being experienced by remaining emeshed with the PD. By obsessing about the PD and or the OW, this keeps you in your head and away from the real issues at hand. This is the plight of the addict/Codependent, as long as you are obsessing about your drug PD/OW, it keeps you connected to the source of your addiction and pain and the cycle just keeps repeating itself over and over again.

There are no winners with a PD and none of their victims are better or worse, they are mostly just women like me who were way too trusting, too eager, too willing to please, and not able to separate fact from fiction with a man, and not able to get out immediately when they did the first bad thing.

I pray for the dischord between women to heal and for us to collectively support each other in growing strong and learning to say NO to all of this abuse, regardless to what our position was with the PD.

My narcs were not married and I am way too "emotionally needy" to be with a married man, the notion of having to share him with OW is out of my scope. YET the truth of the matter is that you always share a PD with another: Themselves, they are so self absorbed that you are never really their priority no matter how much they "fool" you or "fake it" in the beginning. Whether they have OW or not, you will never be their priority.

So basically the OW is not and never was, "the point." The point is that they are just no damn good and will bring none of the woman in their lives anything but pain and heartache, period.

Love ALL my sisters in recovery!!!

God bless,
Goldie