Therapy challenges

And I've been in therapy - or some sort of talk therapy - since a teenager. I never have a problem expressing myself and talking. Yet when I tried to explain to her what had happened, nothing came out right. I think it is because it doesn't feel like a normal relationship or ending - it is traumatic and explaining the darkness to someone is very very difficult. I know when I try to explain the silent treatment or the level of devaluating to people, they will sometimes say "you guys just need to sit down and really talk about it." and they just don't get it and I feel like I haven't done a good job at explaining. Don't worry. YOu have done it once and it will take time to form a bond and see if this is someone you trust and can help you. I hated the experience at first, and now I really like my therapist. It took about one month before this happened and I just kept going back because I knew I had to. The why are you still with him question is impossible one to answer until you get out your feelings and process what you have been through. Only then can you work on what motivated your staying in this relationship or attraction to him. One thing that works for me in order to explain is to imitate him and his tone of voice. So when people say "just say this or that" to him, I say "ok, go ahead, say that to me and I'll be him." Then I imitate him or give them his looks or his circular nonsensical logic. This always makes people recoil and shudder and I feel like they get it. Either way, stick with it. you are doing great!

Farmgirl, I had a similar experience many years ago in the 1980s when I went through my first divorce. I believe it has to do with our self esteem being so low at some point and our continued denial of how much we really suffer deep inside. I clearly remember the feelings of 'Why am I here? - Is it really that bad? - There are other people whose lives are so much worse than mine? - I should get a grip! - I should be able to handle this myself!' Also, while always 'being there' for everybody else, for a long time I was unable to accept that I deserve help and attention too. A good friend back then taught me to say to myself: I EXIST. I NEED. I AM ENTITLED. I wrote that on a piece of paper and had it as a reminder on the bathroom mirror for a long, long time. It is a long process, and I stumbled and fell 3 more times before getting here and knowing that I exist and that I am entitled when I need - help, love, a hug . . . So go and keep talking to your therapist, for you exist, you need, and you are entitled!

A good therapist will help you talk you through your issues, and not judge. Being with a Narc, you're accustomed to taking ALL the blame, whether it's your fault or not. A good therapist will listen, help you renew yourself and get out. I remember during the final D&D my therapist asked what were MY perceptions of MYSELF. She validated my feelings of betrayal. It was awkward that the one D&Ding me was her colleague... but she told me to focus on MYSELF. That I was unhappy, and I HAD to get out. She saw that I had lost a sense of myself. I'm still grateful for her help-because I could've weakened and dated the guy, or had sex with him. She showed me I was worth more than that. My self-respect was at stake. She also diagnosed her own colleague as having NPD... and this was a decade ago. A good therapist will help you improve yourself, and give you the skills to not only survive, but thrive.

Hi FarmGirl, I think this could be happening for a few reasons. When you have been isolated for so long with no one to turn to it can take time for you to get used to the feeling of talking to someone about it. Also, the narc has convinced you that you are the cause of the problems which would make it harder for you to talk about. Perhaps, sub-conciously, you are avoiding it. Possibly, you are anxious of what the therapist is going to say to you in response. Therapists are used to dealing with these kinds of issues and I think it is normal to feel like this on a first session. Try not to worry and just see how it goes next time. xxx

My therapist does talk about the Dog Whisperer! Why? We what he is..we got ourselves in this position because of something deeper! Just be honest!! They've heard it all!! Hunter