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text from x

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#1 Mar 31 - 10PM
running
running's picture

text from x

So I received a text from my x tonight, he said "we should get together for dinner as long as you can handle being together but not "toghether."
What's up with that? I almost agreed because I'm really missing him, but thankfully I had a sane moment and said no thanks.
This will all get better in time, right? I have such strong sane moments where I'm fine with the No Contact thing, and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, I miss him something awful. It's times like this that I have to keep reminding myself of all the awful times....stay strong! You know, I had/have a benign brain tumor and he promissed me he would be there for me during the treatment...ha, he was no where to be found! Stayed far away because he didn't want to be around my family. And I loved him why????! OK, I'm getting stronger again!

Apr 1 - 1PM
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Yes mine got drunk and

Yes mine got drunk and partied with his beer buddies during my cancer surgery. Remember the wedding vow "in sickness and in health"? That's part of the wedding vows because it is a fundamental part of a relationship/marriage, being there to help your partner when they are down. Narcissists don't often do this. That's because they are selfish, self-centered, and immature. It's "All About Him". They are terrible humans to try to have a relationship with. They lie, abuse, and aren't there when you need them. They are worthless and I hope in the coming years, more people in their teens and twenties will become aware of all the Personality Disorders that fall under the Cluster B category of Personality Disorders such as Narcissism, Psychopath, Sociopath, Histrionic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anti-Social Personality Disorder, etc etc so that less and less of us 'normals' (espcially those in their teens and twenties) will fall victim and waste decades (and GOD FORBID HAVE KIDS) with these worthless humans with broken brains. The psychiatrists have come back with a verdict - they CAN NOT BE FIXED OR REHABILITATED. THEY CAN ONLY BECOME MORE CUNNING LIARS AND MANIPULATORS. I'm doing my best to educate everyone I can!
Apr 1 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
running
running's picture

drunk

I'm so sorry about what you went through. I hope you're doing well? Why do you suppose they make promises only to break them? To look good, right? To keep us hanging on! I clung to every word and had so much hope....but I'm finally undersanding it was all an illusion.
Apr 1 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

They are only there when it makes them look good

They will be there for you only if it is for them, or if it makes them look good. My exN was there for his OW's "nursing graduation" and she told me he had tears in his eyes when she graduated. What an actor, and bunch of malarcy this guy serves up,,he was only crying because either a. he saw her moving forward in life and he isn't (doubtful, they are superior to 'all') or b. He was thinking, great, maybe now she can make a better salary and I can sponge some more off her, good for her going from a stay at home Mom to working,,,more for me! I am coming to believe they only feign normalacy, it is an act they keep up day in, and day out. They are not there for you if you are sick, unless it means them getting something for themselves....
Apr 1 - 9AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

running

I took this as, "let's get together and do it!" Yuck. Good for you to maintain NC!!!
Apr 1 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
running
running's picture

text

Me too, he goes out every night for his customary Vodka, then dinner either by himself, (yeah right), or with "a client." He's always with clients. I figured he didn't have anyone to be with last night.
Apr 1 - 9AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Narcs run like the wind from sickness....

Narcs consider people who are ill or disabled to be like broken appliances...worthless to them....there's nothing to make a Narc dump you like getting sick...somewhere there is a link to an article about that...Barbara, where is it???
Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

dumping you when you're sick, etc

http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/12/27/how-narcissist-reacts-disaster-your-life http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/12/your-sickness-is-sin-to-narcissist.html yes, one of the 'shining narc moments' in my history was my NMother calling exNH after I told her I was permanently disabled and telling him to "dump" me because I was "useless to" him now. I've talked here about how exNH treated me when I was paralyzed then there was when I was in the hospital 3 blocks from Psycho-Boy's job. I asked him to come visit. His response "are you f*cking kidding me???" Nice.. really nice... ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Apr 1 - 12AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

on ice........

apparently he's decided you'd be a good candidate to be 'put on ice'.....Narcs like to keep some old supply chillin'...they throw them a crumb here and there...string them along...then when they need a quick slurp of supply, they've got you on ice and don't have to go out and bust butt to find and groom a new victim.....
Apr 1 - 12AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

running

maintain NC - the person you miss DOESN'T EVEN REALLY EXIST... you'll like this: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/03/31/emotional-phantom-limb-pain and can you block his number?? Block, delete, ignore... ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Apr 1 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
running
running's picture

text

Thanks Barbara, The article really helps. After a good night's sleep, I feel so much better about not seeing him last night. I feel good about myself which hasn't been the case for a while! I'd love to attend one of the relationship retreats, do you know of any in the NY area?
Mar 31 - 10PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Running, he wants to manipulate you all over again

Good girl! deny him any satisfaction of meeting up with you, or responding to him as if his question was even worthy. It is not, if he is a Narc, he is in the "relationship" with you all for himself. He was not there when you needed him for love, support, and guidance. No where to be found. That is the real guy behind the clothes, the car, the texts. Ignore him, prove yourself proud and strong for not giving in. You will miss him, it will pass, thank God...it will pass, hang in there, be strong it is the only way
Mar 31 - 10PM
angela0714
angela0714's picture

good 4 u

Don't weaken...block his texts and his # from your cell phone. I blocked his e-mails too. I don't want to know if he's tried to contact me. Not for the temptation if he had, and not for the reality check that he really didn't care if he hadn't. I did because I knew I would have weak moments and I needed to avoid him at all costs. Anyway, I couldn't text or call him. How right would that be if I blocked him, but broke my own rule. May sound crazy but it's over 2 months and I know I made the right decision. He will never be there 4 you. Especially if you went thru something as serious as you did. Women like us can't handle being together w/out being together. We want the emotional connection and love. They don't.
Mar 31 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
running
running's picture

connection

you're right, women like us do need that emotional connection, and they don't. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I'ts a struggle but I'm staying strong. Sounds like you held fast to your no contact rule, good for you, I give you a lot of credit!