Testimonials

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#1 Sep 29 - 5PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Testimonials

Hi All,

We have received many requests from member wanting to hear about the success stories from members on the board. Some of them are still here and some have moved on to a better Narc free life. We are all a success story to have made it to the board and this is a big step towards recovery for all of us.

We would love to hear from members who have had a change in their lives since realizing that their mate was a PD. What have you learned, how you have progressed past the PD, or learned to cope better with them as a co parent. Also how has working the Steps of Recovery and Sharing on the Forum helped you with your recovery. Did you develop friendships and bonds with some of the members? Was there a particular moderator who helped you with your recovery?

You don't have to be completely over the PD to respond to this, if you are, that is great and if you have made major progress but feel you have a ways to go this is great as well.

We would love to hear from all of you.

A paragraph or two is fine or longer if you like.

We will compile the testimonials and put them together for newcomers and members to read, it will be a great reminder of how far we have all come and offer hope to the newcomers and guests reading who may not be ready to post.

Thank you in advance for your help with this.

God bless,
Goldie

Oct 17 - 8AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Thank you, these are great

There is much strength and hope in testimonials. Thank you for sharing your recovery with us. God bless, Goldie
Oct 4 - 11PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I was in a relationship with

I was in a relationship with xnh for a total of 16 years (married to him for 8 of those years). It is now almost 17 months since the D&D when he came home from cheating and dumped me. I am about 16 months NC with him. The difference between my life with xnh and my life now are like comparing night and day. During my relationship with xnh, he was very verbally, emotionally, and occasionally he was physically intimidating and abusive. Xnh added a new meaning to the term "control issues" for me. lol. He became progressively more abusive as the relationship progressed. In the final few years, xnh told me that I should just go away and die...get it over with quickly because I was ruining his life and holding back from achieving his dreams with my severe health problems. He, also, told me right before the D&D that he was going to beat the shit out of me until I divorced him. Needless to say, I was very afraid for my safety and my life. Xnh was volatile, and I never knew was was going to send him flying into a rage. In addition to living with xnh, and his continual NPD antics, I also lived most of my relationship with xnh's psychopath daughter and her disorder. She was cruel and manipulative beyond belief. I even came home from work one day to find her electrocuting my dog with a shock collar (on the highest level and holding down the button continuously). When I walked in on her, the look of complete enjoyment on her face, while she was hurting my dog, was very unnerving to me. The poor thing was absolutely writhing on the floor, and screaming in pain. Between her and xnh, it was endless drama, fighting, stress, and constant chaos, in my home. I felt like I was living with PD's in stereo (even though I did not know about PD's at the time). I threw her out of my house, about a year before xnh D&D'd. Xnh's hideous P daughter going to jail on felony drug charges was the final straw for me concerning her. Going NC with her, escalated xnh's abusive behavior toward me dramatically because I refused to allow his P daughter and her gang friends near my house ever again. By the time xnh, decided to blatantly cheat on me (I'm sure that he'd done it before, and just didn't get caught) and he D&D'd, my health problems were so severe that I was barely able to make it through a week of going to work, and some days my arthritis (and other autoimmune problems) were so bad that I could barely walk. I had a chronic cough that had lasted for about 10 years, and because it was so violent, I was fracturing ribs on a regular basis and throwing up blood every morning. My already severe osteoporosis bone density scores were back-sliding quite badly. The constant stress was taking a huge toll on my health in every area possible. I'm convinced that I was dying both physically and within my soul. When xnh came home for the final D&D, I was DONE with the whole PD/xnh mess. No longer was I willing to live in a house where I was afraid and miserable. I filed for divorced the very next day, and went NC with xnh when the divorce was final 28 days later. Today, without xnh and his hideous P daughter anywhere in my life, my health has improved so much that it is absolutely miraculous. I feel incredibly healthy and strong. My autoimmune problems are almost non-existent, my cough is almost completely gone, and emotionally I am very happy. I fully appreciate this, and am extremely grateful for my "second chance" to have a happy future. When I come home, I am content, and I have such a feeling of peace in my life. I do not take it for granted. In addition, I have wonderful (and very supportive) family and friends along with the wonderful supportive people at this site. My life with xnh was very destructive downhill spiral. It was going nowhere but down a very deadly, miserable rabbit hole with no hope of future happiness for me because of xnh and his daughter's personality disorders. Now, my life feels so bright that I "gotta' wear shades". I'm able to be me again. I like me, and overall, I'm very happy.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Oct 6 - 10AM (Reply to #16)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Thank you Mystwoman

What a beautiful testimonial. You did the work and you are reeping the benefits. This does not come easy and you have given so much to the board and other's as well. You are a tribute to the forum and we are greatful to have your recovery and widom on the forum. God bless, Goldie
Oct 2 - 6PM
Jannie In the Sun
Jannie In the Sun's picture

Gratitude and Closure

It has been almost a year. The cognitive dissonance is gone, the pain has diminished little by little and the anger has run its course. This website, the books and the 6 steps by Lisa have helped me tremendously. From the utter disbelief of the events during and after my relationship with a toxic narcissist, to the processing of grief, sorrow and anger, I have used these tools to get help, give help and heal. I am forever grateful. I had a lot of anger and I spewed some venom in the direction of the exN when he confronted me about some of my postings (he found out after I spoke with his latest victim.) After months of NC, I had the opportunity to say everything I was holding in for all these months. I don’t care how he reacted, and he probably didn’t care anyway, I just got it out and it felt good! Then I hit delete and shut the door for good! It is now time for true closure. All of the emotions I have felt and needed to feel are now of no use to me. I must now focus on forgiveness. NO, I will never forget or condone any of the behavior of that hurtful man. I consider him a sick person. I just have to let go and put everything in the past. I believe in the law of attraction and it is MY time to focus on love and abundance, not anger, sorrow or the exN’s glaring defects. My relationship was a teaching tool – that is all. I am stronger and wiser. I have learned to take better care of my own needs, set strong boundaries and NEVER ignore red flags. The scar is still tender and it may be awhile before I really want to seriously date again but I am ok with that. I have great friends and I am able to have fun again. I have started my own business and that feels good! The exN was actually excited to help me but I knew that it was only a power play, not an altruistic act of genuine love SO I did it myself! It is so empowering to know that I did not further devalue myself by 'leaning on' (sleep with and worship) a passive aggressive, lying and promiscuous N. My wish and prayer is for everyone here to find understanding, healing, peace and happiness in life - and to love again. It is time for me to remove some posts that could hurt the exN and his daughter. They are in my past now. I may need a little distance for awhile, but I will visit now and then and help where I can. Thank you Lisa Scott, Goldie and everyone here for all you have done to help others. Thank you for the shared laughter and tears that have been a healing tool in my journey. Peace and Love to all! Jannie In the Sun
Oct 6 - 11AM (Reply to #14)
Used
Used's picture

janineinthe sun

so touching, I hope you are very proud of yourself, b/c you should be.......well done...usedxxxxx
Oct 6 - 10AM (Reply to #13)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Janine

"My relationship was a teaching tool – that is all. I am stronger and wiser. I have learned to take better care of my own needs, set strong boundaries and NEVER ignore red flags. The scar is still tender and it may be awhile before I really want to seriously date again but I am ok with that. I have great friends and I am able to have fun again." I love this. You have found YOU again, the best gift of all. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm sure that it give our newbie's hope for recovery and freedom from the bondage of addiction and obsession with the PD. You have come so far and being able to have fun again is huge in recovery and I can still remember those days when I thought that I would never smile or laugh again. God bless, Goldie
Oct 1 - 7PM
Anne_
Anne_'s picture

one year as a single girl

Hi you all, Last weekend, I celebrated "one year post break-up". My life has changed for the better since. I enjoy life more. I can really connect with other people, since I'm not preoccupied with the stress that xN caused on a daily base. I found a great job and I enjoy working there almost every day. I had one other relation but that didn't work out. I managed to stay friends with this guy, and breaking up was a lot more easier than breaking up with xN. I really enjoy life right now. I have a very busy social life, I exercise, I eat healthy, I've been in therapy and it really helped. I'm just so thankful every day that I survived this destructive relation, that I didn't get married with xN, as we were planning to do, that I didn't got pregnant, that I was able to get him out of my life completely. I met xN this summer. I was at a music festival with my friends just chatting, and two people joined our group. I recognized one of them, and gave him a big hug. I was chatting away, including this friend in the conversation. Then, after five minutes, I turned to the other guy. Guess what, it was xN, who was quite angry that I "ignored" him. I answered, frankly and truthfully "My God, I even didn't recognize you". It felt as a great victory. I stood next to him for five whole minutes, didn't recognize him, I wasn't shocked to see him, I wasn't afraid anymore, I was able to speak up, and he just LEFT! But truthfully, I'm not healed completely. It has been only a year. I find myself not very eager to engage in another relation. There is some kind of leftover mistrust in men in general. I'm sure it will get better. Right now, I'm just living life to the fullest. I'm quite happy with my friends, my hobbies, my cat and my cosy home. Big hug, Anne
Oct 6 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Thank you so much Anne

I remember you well and your stuggles and you have come so far. Beautiful honest testimonial. You are sharing your growth and strength, yet admitting that all is not perfect. Progress, major progress that is what we hope for in recovery and this is like night and day from what you used to describe was your day to day reality. So very happy for you Anne, and great to see you still on the board. Our old timers offer encouragement and wisdom for the new comer. Giving back is also a huge part of recovery. God bless, Goldie
Oct 1 - 10AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

19 months NC today

I can't believe it's been that long since I have had anything to do with him. Somedays it seems like yesterday. I was a lost soul looking for answers. Looked up pathological liar & cheater and it brought me here. I will be forever thankful. I know will all my heart I wouldn't be where I am today without everyone's understanding & support. When you first go NC you think you will never make it. How can we live without our "soulmate"? No one had ever loved us the way they have! We'll never find that kind of love again! I hope I never do! He was my soulmate...it took it from me for his own selfish sick satisfaction. I want real love. Someone who is my partner & shares my love. The longer you are NC the clearer you will see what he is and what your heart wants. No one deserves to be treated the way we have been treated. My NC has had phases. 1st- I was soo done with lies & cheating & I deserved better. He had hurt me for the last time! The pain was unbearable! 2nd-I was damned if I would give him the satisfaction of contacting him. It was his turn to crawl. I still hoped he would contact me...to say he was sorry. 3rd-I educated myself about narcs & how they operate. If he had contacted me I would've kicked his ass to the curb. 4th-I have found peace in my life without him. I'm loving all the simple things in life. I'm no longer just going thru the motions of life. I am living it. 5th-I'm working on indifference. And slowly getting there. My head and heart are catching up with each other. So thank you everyone for being the wonderful people you are.
Oct 6 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Crazy Train
Crazy Train's picture

Congratulations on 19

Congratulations on 19 months!!!! That is fantastic!!! And silence is the best revenge of all :)
Oct 1 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Wow Faith time does fly when you're having fun!!!

What a huge passage, 19 months, Woohoo!! Great lay out on the phases of NC, Thank you so much for sharing this and being a member of this community, you have helped many with your posts of wisdom and recovery. God bless, Goldie
Oct 1 - 2AM
onthewayout
onthewayout's picture

I am taking my power back!

When I joined this board, it finally gave me my peace of mind back. I feel validated. We still live together and I feel empowered that I can share my story and my feelings with people who not only DO NOT THINK I am crazy....they know first hand about how traumatic this is once you start to figure it out. I am making plans for my future now. My REAL future. And this ain't it! Knowledge really is power. Thank you guys. Less doormat. More boundaries.
Oct 1 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Onthewayout

Validation and Power back, now this is a winning combination. What an amazing tribute to YOU and to the help you received on the forum and all the hard work and willingness which you have had. Thank you for sharing your strength with us. God bless, Goldie
Sep 29 - 10PM
sunrise
sunrise's picture

I was married 16 years to my

I was married 16 years to my N. He left in dec 2010 and I fell apart. There were accusations of affairs. He was so emotionally abusive to me..beyond words. In December I dropped twenty pounds from the stress and weighed a hundred pounds. I was a walking skeleton and a complete mess emotionally. I thought everything was my fault. I bent over backwards to fix me!!!! I basically laid in bed wasting away waiting for him to comeback. I was in a very very dark place to where I almost gave my life up for this man. Thinking i was such a horrible mean person. My friends made a pact to check in me everyday to see if I was still alive... It is now September almost a year...and guess what...I feel HAPPY! I went to minimal contact because I have three kids with him. He did the Hoover, texting wars, unknown mean texts, called people told them i was crazy...did it all! Today he got my summons for divorce at his work and texted how humiliating that was...and guess what...I don't CARE! It took me almost a year to see the light. I read this forum every night and every spare minute I had! Read and read. It gave me words for his actions! I finally could explain what was going on! I literally thought i wa going crazy till I found this site! The other thing that pulled me through were my girlfriends! They just kept building me up and telling me how amazing I was. Now they tell me they wanted to shake me because I made them so frustrated!!!! Lol. I can not express the importance of a support system. These girls believed me and supported me! And this forum is a huge huge support! You gain so much confidence knowing people believe you and KNOW what you are going through! Two months ago I would have taken him back...but I stayed with no contact and that madethe difference! You have to get there yourself! People can not get there for you! But having cheerleaders support and encourage makes you realize and get there! I still have a long road but guess what...I don't walk on egg shells, I don't get yelled at, I don't answer to anyone and I finally finally finally have PEACE! The last that helped me ( which I have to say) is God. I would pray all night just for strength! And he sent it!!! I love everyone who has shared their stories on here. I found ME again! I turned that corner and am never looking back! God bless everyone on this forum - may we all find the peace we so want!!!
Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

You gain so much confidence knowing people believe you and KNOW

This is a great comment and says so much for me as well. This is what I have felt as well since I have found this forum. Thank you so much for sharing and it is wonderful to hear that we all have helped you in remaining NC. God bless, Goldie
Sep 29 - 8PM
freaked
freaked's picture

Goldie, this forum has given

Goldie, this forum has given me some valuable friends and insights. I doubt if I can truly recover as i will never again in this lifetime have a mate. i had loved my husband, i still love him..but with a sadness because i am aware that he has moved on. But, whatever remaining years of my life be, i will be grateful to the kind affections everyone shared with me. it made me think Oh i am not a deranged monster as i am made out to be by my husband and his folks. yourself, scoop, lisa, hunter, arwen, 58, lillymarch, tresor, empath, used, spinning have all been very kindhearted. I want to say thank you to all. forgive me if i have missed a name. sometimes i may have said a rough remark to another member, for this i apologise. never meant ill to anyone..just that once in a while tough remarks had helped me to gather my wits back..and so tried to share the same methods. discovering the PD helped me to understand that my marriage was doomed from the start. If i had an awareness of the PD then maybe i would have behaved differently..still it may not have changed the course of events. at least i had 20 years of disturbed married life.. and now who knows how he will end it.
Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Thank you so much for sharing this Freaked

Glad that we have been a support towards you through your sifting through the trials of your life with Narc. You have already come so far and made huge progress and with much new found awareness. We love you too. God bless, Goldie