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this is the test :(

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#1 Oct 19 - 3PM
indenial
indenial's picture

this is the test :(

After my earlier post about the gift coming in the post for my son. Predictably I've had the text. It says " wasn't expecting adulation but a thankyou or even acknowledgement maybe ? X " with a confused face symbol. Really !!!! ? For f**k's sake !! How dare he expect anything ! I'm not responding but he won't leave it now. He's started. The next thing will be the calls and then turning up ! I don't want to see him or speak to him. Fact. How am I going to deal with him ? There is a mixture of weakness that I have to deal with in my thinking and emotions. Its early days. But also when the pity ploy doesn't work. Then comes the rage. He is scary and vindictive and violent. Give me strength. I'm going to switch my phone off and go to bed.

Oct 19 - 11PM
58 and going strong
58 and going strong's picture

Indenial, not sure if I get

Indenial, not sure if I get this right, but there was a gift for your son in the mail. So your son would be the one to say thank you or write a note - correct? And if there was no return address - bad luck for the sender! No need at all for you to get involved, so please stay strong and NC!!!! If I were you, I'd talk to my son about this openly. I would certainly not allow my child to be drawn into this nasty approach. It's up to you to protect him best as you can. Sam Vaknin has some videos on N "fathers".
Oct 19 - 5PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Pity, then rage, then falling off the edge of the world?

Maybe a bit of a storm before the calm. Hunker down and get ready for some old fashioned nc and no response, it will pass. You are doing great! ds
Oct 19 - 4PM
Swan
Swan's picture

indenial

You are doing great, keep it up. If he calls/texts/emails...ignore and delete. If he shows up, certainly DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR and through that locked door tell him to go away. Then immediately call the police and tell them that the man who assaulted you a week ago showed up uninvited on your doorstep and you are afraid. Even if he is gone by the time they get there, you have your papertrail.
Oct 19 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You've been feeding this dog

You've been feeding this dog treats for a long time.. Delete,Delete,Delete!! If he comes to your house ask him to leave once.. If he won't call the police!! Show him who's the alpha dog.. Pee on him and walk away.. Hunter
Oct 19 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
indenial
indenial's picture

yes hunter

I've been feeding him treats for too long. It goes against my nature but I really do have to be a hard bitch now and reject this bullshit. I don't even what to play with this because I've been burnt before. I truly do get what nc means now and why it is the most empowering thing we can do. He won't get a rise out of me. I've got good at hiding my emotions from him. Complete indifference is the only way. I've tried dealing with him in the compassionate way I would normally deal with someoene I'm breaking up with. It doesn't work.
Oct 20 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

True

They don't even seem to understand compassion. Maybe they see it as weakness? My Narc was just confused by it...
Oct 19 - 3PM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Ignore

- please just ignore him. Anything else you might do will be worse! I don't know your story because I haven't been on the board for a while but trust me: ignore him. You didn't ask him to send the gift, right?
Oct 19 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
indenial
indenial's picture

no i didnt

Ask him to send the gift. The last contact we had was a week ago when he screamed in my face slapped my face pulled my hair and then text goodbye you've broken me. Which I didn't respond to. No apology or remorse for his behaviour. This has happened a multitude of times. Clearly he thinks he is was giving me the silent treatment so he could go off and do whatever he does ! Well I've got news for him ! Goodbye means goodbyse this time. I'm angry and I don't want to be. He's getting nothing from me. I'm not his supply any longer. I can't take his shit anymore
Oct 19 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Yippie stay mad.. Hunter

Yippie stay mad.. Hunter
Oct 19 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

It's your turn giving him the

It's your turn giving him the silent treatment. What worked for me was this 1) I set myself short-term goals, like "I will not contact him for a week" You will feel so proud if you achieve it! Then you go from there. In my case about a month and a half was enough to be able to handle the situation. The need to contact him became less and things got easier. But I was lucky, as he didn't hoover too mich because he had met someone new. 2)Turning off my phone for about a month. I'd feel really anxious every time he called even when I didn't pick up. So I turned the phone to silent and occasionally looked to see if my friends had called, so I'd call them back. I didn't want to go through the whole drama of blocking his number. This worked for me as he wasn't able to disrupt whatever I was doing that was actually distracting me Good luck and stay firm!
Oct 19 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
indenial
indenial's picture

good advice

There is no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't contact him. I've got good at that and I don't want to. However I've proved myself weak to hoovering in the past. I'm feeling strong but I know how persistent he is and he loves the chase. However I no longer enjoy him chasing me because experience has taught me its just so he can D&D me again. I don't know if he's been seeking or has new supply cos I won't look and I've avoided anything that may tell me until I'm strong enough to face it. All I do know that unfortunately I didn't find out until hed already hoovered me back in is that last time he had his wedding ring back on his finger after more than 2 years separated from his wife so clearly he was hoovering her too. Clearly she rejected him cos he upped the nte with me. Lesson learned x