1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. Tempted

Tempted

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jun 28 - 10PM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Tempted

Cd very strong and am thinking all sorts of things...but not acting on them.

He sent text after text monday all focused on the children. If I don't respond he accuses me via his solicitor of preventing him having his parental responsibilities. Very difficult as any contact confuses and disorientates me. Plus it's like a drug to me and when the Hugh wears off I want more.

I keep my replies to the point but it still sets me off.

He sent another text about contact yesterday and I haven't replied yet.

Then I start thinking I'm playing games not responding or I'm engaging in games if I do respond arch

Then I start thinking that maybe there is hope for us to get back together, maybe he will realise, he does love me really, no one can be that bad, he will change, he is desperate and in pain and that will bring about change, the other woman is just a way of managing losing me, blah blah

That voice in my head......ITS A LIAR

How can I possible even be remotely interested after the way he denigrated me and hurt me over the years and blamed me for it all?

My need for him is the need of a desperate lonely frightened little girl and I need to find a way of soothing her. That way is not him.

It's a long road. I am still obsessively thinking about him and swirling it all around in my head...the ifs, buts, maybes, shoulds, coulds, mights, pleas, rages, revenges, schemes, plans, hopes, fears .....but I am not acting on the thoughts. Nt at this moment anyway. I am trying to find just a little space amidst it all and just be still......not easy for me who has lived a frantic life for so long but I am trying.

Jelic x

Jun 28 - 11PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jeli

It's very early, you are in for a hell of a ride...read, and understand just because you read doesn't mean it will click...it takes time for the click. We go NC to stop the insanity...we go NC as a way of saying I am taking control, I will not longer play, I am off the merry go round. These individuals and in our case it seems they had at least TWO issues working against them...they will play forever if you let them except we end up depleted and they can keep on going without missing a wink...they do not attach, cannot love, do not feel empathy. People are objects for them to feed off of, to get their supply. They substitute. It was a hard cold reality for me, I could not believe it but it is true. I did extensive research in BOTH areas, in fact, I snubbed Lisa's book early on thinking my problem was more in an addiction area...or shall I say the Narcs problem...NO it was both but the Narcissism trumped it. He wasn't using but he was already molded and this was beyond repair, beyond the reach of a sponsor, therapist, exorcisim...you have to get out. You may fall off the wagon, no one is perfect, but as you become MORE educated, when he starts his crap, you will SEE it, and you will OWN it. We go NC to get away from the insanity, the pain, to block their ability to push our buttons...but very few of us have been able to say: "I'm going NC and I"m sticking to it" most of us have fallen off. Understand, this is a future of depletion and slow spritual death. He will suck all life out of you. YOu will think you're crazy, you will lose your mind, or you will be so beaten down life will have no purpose. There is a window to escape...keep your eye on it. Hugs!
Jun 29 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Michelle

Early on in the so called N relationship, a friend told me to get out...he recognized I was dealing with a fraud. He said if I didn't, the N would suck the life out of me and discard me when he's done. Of course, I didn't listen and things went on for many more years. That same friend observed my deterioration through the years and suggested that if I didn't get out, I'm going to end up as one of those homeless people walking the streets talking to myself. That thought, became one of my biggest fears because I knew how close I was to loosing it. He sucked all the life out of me and loved every minute of it. Such a sadistic MF. All this suffering while he was out drinking Patron, traveling the world, having sex and enjoying his life without a thought about me. And, there did come a time when life had no meaning. I know now I created my own suffering by giving up my power. I was lucky...he gave me a window via the D & D and I crawled out, barely alive.
Jun 30 - 5AM (Reply to #3)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Tresor

I am sorry that we have to meet under these circumstances, but if there is anything that I can say with full confidence is that the only future one has to look forward to if they stay with a narc is sheer depletion and utter devastation. One will become the shell and walking void he is incarnate. I was very much captivated by the charm and the charisma but the signs were there. I've seen what becomes of such a woman with my own eyes, his mother has been with his father 40 years... It is terrible to see because she is a beautiful woman, and intelligent, educated, but his barbaric primitive abusive uneducated father somehow has brainwashed her to believe she deserves such treatment...and the imprisonment and the having to cater and "yes dear" everything out of fear he will explode. I heard the stories of abuse not only towards her but towards all the children too which is more than likely why they've all had very difficult problems...drugs, jails you name it...and it is sad... But that is what becomes of the children when the mother is too beaten down to do anything...nowadays they'll just take your kids if you do nothing...but who wants that kind of life? That is the reality of what a future with a Narc brings... Darkness, destitution, depletion, devastation, misery, a human walking wasteland, while he keeps on going, dogs you out, humilates you, degrades you on some level BECAUSE you stay... I'm glad you got out. And when I think back to sharing stories with her before I knew what I knew, before his pathology was FULL BLOWN in my face, when it was just a 'subtle hint' she'd say: "He's his father's son"... Hugs!
Jun 30 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Marriage to Narcs...

Are NIGHTMARES. I am THANKFUL I didn't marry the ex-Psych prof a decade ago (and not just because of the massive wildfires in New Mexico) Ludwig Wittgenstein's mother was described as cold&impersonal because of the way her husband Karl abused her. One night, she had a serious foot injury, but she decided to stay in bed in pain than treat it because she feared Karl's temper. Karl's treatment of her robbed her of her personality. A few of their sons committed suicide. Paul, their son who lost his arm in WWI, raped a half-blind piano student at her first lesson, eventually marrying her after she bore their second child. Their most famous son, Ludwig, often contemplated suicide. "The Last Station" depicts the final days of Leo Tolstoy. Sofia bore 13 children to Leo- few of them survived to adulthood- she edited his books. In the movie, after 48 years of marriage, Leo is still humiliating&betraying Sofia. To the very end. The movie doesn't show the nasty letter he left her that was read after his death. The movie depicts Chertkov (Paul Giamatti) as the villain who tries to ruin the Tolstoys' marriage, instead of showing that it was doomed from the start, beginning with Leo forcing himself on Sofia the first time right after they married. It doesn't show how Leo emotionally abused Sofia when she was in pain from childbirth, threatening to leave her for the army. 48 years of marriage broke Sofia down. She had been very beautiful, intelligent. She was a talented musician, but Leo's hatred of music grew over the years. He'd mock her for it. In the end, Sofia is hysterical&broken. "What becomes of the children"-Leo was estranged from MOST of his children when he died, except for Alexandra. Karl was also estranged from his kids. The children tend to make the break from BOTH parents. That explains why the ex-P is the ONLY person I've personally thanked for NOT marrying me. I know, I know, I was supposed to be suffering from the rejection... but the more I THINK about it, the more THANKFUL I didn't get hitched to him and have his kids!