Taking Inventory

I am completely confused as to where I'm at in the steps to recovery.

I 'm beginning to feel like I'm not progressing at all.

I notice that I have been a member here for 6 weeks and I know I joined when I was completely fed up and was done with it.

I also don't understand what a final d&d is. Is it when your done and that makes it final. Or is it when they do something above and beyond what they have done in the past?

In my case I call it final because it was unbelievably demeaning and cruel on the last occasion I saw him combined with a phone call the following day in which he screamed at me and hung up. I actually had called him to see how he was feeling because he was "sick" when I saw him the day before. I feel like a complete fool because now I realize he probably was never sick in the first place and just wanted me to leave.

So basically I was nice to him to the bitter end. In the 12 years I have known him I have never raised my voice in anger, or even tried to change him in any way. I was a complete door mat.

Okay back to where I'm at.

I have been NC since I joined but that doesn't convince me that I've made great progress because I've gone longer than that in the past.

I do think he realizes somethings different this time because when I see him at work I am indifferent to him and in the past I would have "gotten over it" by now and started being my normal friendly self. He tried as usual to blow it all off like he did nothing immediately following, but being met with my obvious disapproval has now decided to ignore me (not act indifferent) but not even acknowledge my presence when I am within 5 feet distance from him.

What has me worried is that this is starting to affect me, as I am sure it is intended to.

I am fully aware of his manipulation. I can not stop thinking about this non stop. Which is INCREDIBLY ANNOYING. and I am a very busy person. I am physically active at work, have a teen age daughter and a 21 year old daughter that is having infidelity issues within her relationship,and own my own house, so I have plenty going on to keep my mind active but the stupid n remains in my head all the time.

My thoughts of him now are not always hateful but they are not hopeful either.

Maybe I'm expecting too much but I can't believe his ignoring is definitely making me weaken and it scares me because I want to be done with this and I don't understand how someone ignoring you when they should be apologizing could make you the least bit interested.

So have I gotten anywhere yet?

I think I'm just a big mess. :C

Somebody help!