1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Supply

Supply

23 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Sep 16 - 4PM
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Supply

Just wondering: if it's all about supply for these people, why do they give a flying fuck what we look like or what our personalities are like? If it's all about supply, we could look like Shrek and it shouldn't matter to them, no?

Or indeed, why do they bother with humans at all, since animals (pets), especially dogs, are the best suppliers of unconditional love and attention? Why do they not just live with a load of dogs (four-legged kind, lol!) and leave the rest of us alone?

Sep 16 - 5PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Because...

they get supply from their mate, but if they pick a mate who's smart, attractive, engaging (name your excellent qualities here) then they *also* get extra supply from others who say "look at you, dang you must be AWESOME to get that beautiful, talented, sexy smart woman! Or man, as the case may be. You, my dear, offer a bonus miles program that he might otherwise not get.
Sep 16 - 10PM (Reply to #22)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

*like*

yes, this answer was very helpful :) ~~~ ~~~~~ “The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don’t give them,” --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf :)

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Sep 16 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

The really attractive ones

The really attractive ones cause them more anxiety than normal. They have a high fear of rejection. So while they get alot of supply from them they are also "risky" a term mine used with me. There are more opportunities for their supply to get stolen. With the less attractive ones less of that anxiety. I think sometimes they feel more compelled to D n D an attractive one really hard for stealing the attention plus the increased anxiety from fear of abandonment that comes along with them. I know some people here will disagree. Its just my opinion.
Sep 17 - 10AM (Reply to #14)
better off
better off's picture

That's an interesting point.

That's an interesting point. They definitely get jealous of the attention that the "exciting" ones get... it's a double edged sword for them. They get supply by others being envious of them being with you, but then they get jealous that you would get any of the attention! And yes, they fear you rejecting them because you're desirable to others. (In their minds of course, since most of us would have cut off one of our own limbs for them at some point.) I never ever thought of it that way. Plus at some level they know they are not what the pretend to be, so they know it's a matter of time til you find out... so they have to trash you first.
Sep 17 - 11PM (Reply to #15)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

yep same thing here

wanted to be with me because of the boast to his image by being associated with me. He loved pairing us together in his conversations with everyone - and he got alot of great relationships out of it. But then became paranoid when people started talking to me without him present. This is where all the conspiracy theories came from. He did not like it at all when people talked to me without him being present and started imagining that I was undermining him...which was devastating to me since I would do ANYTHING for him. And it couldn't be farther from the truth - I talked about him in a glowing fashion to everyone I encountered. I think they fear this abandonment because they know that they have burned through so many relationships in their life, so they view everything as temporary and they feel like when the end ultimately comes with a "good one", it will be very, very painful. So to feel better about themselves, they try to beat us to punch and do it very, very, very cruelly so that they can reduce their own pain.
Sep 18 - 7AM (Reply to #20)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

One time his sister

One time his sister mentioned an ex of my N's while I was present and he said, with a kind of steely look in his eyes "That was the only one who ever got to me". This was a girl he dated for two years some time ago and I gather that she left him once they started talking about moving in together/marriage. She was a psychiatrist so maybe she was wise to him. I think he was pretty nuts about her because he went back with her but he told me the second time didn't last because she was only "toying" with him.
Sep 18 - 7AM (Reply to #21)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Maybe I'm the student who "got to him"

By the end, I'd be calling out the ex-P on so many things. I've come to the point I don't care what he thinks about me.... he's totally nuts. But if I've driven him further to the edge of sanity... that's fine with me.
Sep 18 - 12AM (Reply to #16)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes that's why I think the

Yes that's why I think the more attractive or special you are to them the more cruel they are to you
Sep 18 - 12AM (Reply to #17)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

That's my theory too, and

That's my theory too, and I'm sticking to it...its the only thing that makes me feel at all better about this situation...it is much better than believing I meant absolutely nothing to him - and therefore THAT is why he was so CRUEL to me. :) (the little things we do to help ourselves cope mentally with the trauma) Maybe that's why he was so cruel (as evidenced by the restraining order) against his xwife... the fact that he married her - she had to have been very special to him at some point - and she was very, very attractive. They hated eachother for years after the divorce. And to summarize, yes, once they realize it is over in our minds, they have to make it very, very over in their minds so that they will never experience the pain of thinking about what they did - so they make it extra special cruel and blame us for everything and come up with these conspiracy theories about why they could never trust us again to end everything very, very quickly in their minds.... because - after all - they must move on to new supply! Actually, I asked mine "why" once - why was he so cruel to me - and his answer??? "it is because of you and me, it is because of US!"
Sep 18 - 9AM (Reply to #19)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

what I really think it

what I really think it relate to is the amount of insecurity you were able to to create in them. The amount of fear of abandonment you caused them. The more attractive you are inside and out the more you have to pay for that. I think they equate it to the more I suffer the you suffer.
Sep 18 - 7AM (Reply to #18)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The rare times I've broken NC

The ex-Psych professor has NEVER broken NC with me, however. I had been his "special" student, and yes, the D&D was incredibly CRUEL. I've never been treated that cruelly by ANYONE before or since... he makes my ex-Narc boss look saintly&angelic. So, whenever I've broken NC (basically saying "I'M HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY", mocking him, writing travelogues), does it cause him the PAIN of having to think about what he did? If I've caused him the PAIN of having to think about what HE did.... I'm all for it! If I've driven him crying into the arms of his Daddy, I'm all for it! That or he's just afraid...
Sep 16 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Heh heh bonus miles!

Heh heh bonus miles! lol Thing is, he's REALLY handsome so can prob get the best looking women wherever he goes, especially when they hear he's a doctor. That is part of why my brain is so fried that he's with this plain-looking one. But I guess it's better for the self-esteem than if he was with a supermodel.... I suppose it doesn't matter a damn either way in the end because they will all get the same treatment.
Sep 16 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

You're right...

It doesn't matter. But I know so well how whether the next one is a "step up" or a "step down", your mind goes over and over what that means--for you. I finally had to laugh at myself because whichever way it went, I'd watch myself trying to frame it in a way that salved my crushed ego. I didn't like that part of myself either, I believe in sisterhood and want to be a good woman to other women. And, it felt disturbingly like Narc behavior, in this thread or another today a few others were talking about that. And therein lies our addiction and our problem, which is getting our worth from the opinions of others therefore getting an even worse kick in the gut than might normally be the case. Especially because Narcs work hard to cultivate their specialness in our eyes so that we see them as even more desireable or handsome or whatever than maybe they are to others. I think any bad breakup can rock your world of course, and maybe the lesson is universally the same, which is that your worth has to come from your core, you have to find that strength in yourself, or re-find it after a narc messes with it.
Sep 18 - 7PM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Some insight.... THANKS!!!

When I confronted the ex-Psych professor about the OW, I was more upset that he hadn't acknowledged her existence than that there was an OW. I told him I was happy he had found companionship, and that I wish he had told me about her. I genuinely liked her. I told him I could've been happy for him, and for her... IF HE HAD TOLD ME. "Narcs work hard to cultivate their specialness in our eyes.. or whatever than maybe they are to others"- The ex-P couldn't stand how his colleagues and students AVOIDED him. They couldn't stand his negativity. Once, in a moment of weakness, he said, "What do you see in me? I'm not that smart, I'm not that good a teacher." He wondered aloud why I found him desirable. Then, of course, he went to great lengths to be desirable... so much so he was afraid I was going to go to another professor as an essay advisor. He wanted to come across as incredibly special and unique.... that won't work on me anymore...
Sep 16 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

funsize

When they go for a less attractive one they dont feel as much anxiety about fear of abandonment plus they feel superior. Mine left me the first time for someone I and others considereed substandard now 15 years later he told me: "I knew I was the best thing she would ever have." You always had guys around. I never could figure out why you were with me I look at your fb and see all those old pics of you with all of those guys and feel I was right" I think this was one of the few times he was telling the truth. This time the truth worked in his favor as a pity play
Sep 16 - 5PM
MovinOnUp
MovinOnUp's picture

The pets can't quite grasp

The pets can't quite grasp the depth of (Ns) genius the way another human might. They're a great backup, but not quite good enough at patting the N on the back for his every achievement, real or imagined. They also can't clean the house, make meals, pay bills, do the shopping... the list goes on an on. If a pet is an Ns only suppy... they have to feed it, take it to the vets, pick up after it, and actually expend a little energy on the care of said pet. lol Humans simply come with a bigger payoff. As far as why they don't just pick Shrek... If they did they would be mirroring Shrek. I personally love Shrek, but I think Ns would prefer to mirror the brightest, most loving, compassionate, and beautiful people they can manage to snare...
Sep 18 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
imabloke
imabloke's picture

MovinOnUp

I think you're right "mirror the brightest, most loving, compassionate, and beautiful people they can manage to snare..." I honestly feel - as we all should - that we were the best supply they could, and will, ever get! She said to me, on a number of occasions that it was the best relationship shed ever had. But did nothing to save it and now i don't know what's truth or lies. “Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people… not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!” – A.V.
Sep 18 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
Alive
Alive's picture

quote

I like your quote!. coping this one. Thanks
Sep 16 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

LOL, He actually was Shrek!

His guy friend jokingly referred to the N as "some Shrek-looking-Mother-F****er!" And I stepped back to take a closer look, and yes, since he had gained weight, he DID resemble Shrek!
Sep 16 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

SHREK

Did he have all that wax in his ears too? ha ha Good post though we are all the same to them in the end anyway no matter how beautiful of smart we are they treat us the same.
Sep 16 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Heh heh! No, I wasn't being

Heh heh! No, I wasn't being mean to Shrek, obviously he's a nice dude, but no oil painting. I kinda was under the impression that they wanted good looking partners as trophies, but then that contradicts the notion of any supply, in any form, anywhere they can get it. But the mirroring notion makes sense.... And yeah, I forgot the part about animals not being able to rustle up a three course dinner!
Sep 16 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

the exN loved shrek:) I

the exN loved shrek:) I think they want the ones that can do the most for them albeit, probably requiring the most work. I gave mine credibility amongst people he would never get the time of day from. I made him look good. He used to always say ' I can go anywhere with you' and I never understood that until the end. I truly believe that all the others were just easily used and toyed with like mice. I figure when you need as much supply as they need, you gotta have a bunch of easy ones to fill the space. There is no way he could have kept up with 6 like me but he could damn sure keep up with me and 5 easy ones. And that is what he did. almostlydia

almostlydia