sunshine365's story
sunshine365's story
Dodged a bullet
As part of the healing process, i joined this forum. Extremely helpful, some great advice and genuine ppl on here. Thanks a bunch.
Need to share my story as i believe i've had an encounter with a female somatic Narc who recently devalued and discarded me after a three year relationship.
We are both married, she is on her second husband ... two children, one from each marriage. I'm on my first marriage, two kids ... same mother.
I should have seen the signs as i got into this relationship as she was having an affair directly prior to my relationship with her. She's attractive and quite frankly we developed a friendship first. I assumed incorrectly that i was different (i 'had' a healthy confidence and self esteem). She's a confirmed serial adulterer with multiple affairs.
Our relationship was intense and i got plenty of attention from the get go. From what i understand now, this was the overvaluation phase. In hindsight, we were getting to know one another and this honeymoon phase was fantastic. Eventually every relationship has to come out of this phase and as we did (in hindsight) there was little subtance as we couldn't grow our relationship as be were both still married.
On that note, we dreamt, planned, discussed the eventuality of living happily ever after but both made a conscience decision to stick it out in the current situation so as to maintain a sense of stability for the kids sake. On that note, my two kids and her oldest became friends ... her youngest wasn't included in our 'adventures' as he was too young. In an odd sense we were a 'family' during the summer months as we found a reason for the kids to hang out together so we could be together.
A little over two years into our relationship she committed to building a new house with her husband. To say the least, i was less than thrilled that she as making such a committment to her husband when we were 'in love'. The thought of them picking cupboards together, carpet, paint selection, etc. This was OUR dream how could she do that to me (lack of empathy, i wouldn't ever consider putting her through that agony. I should have left in Oct 2009 when they signed the papers to build.
2010 was tough as part of me died as their house was being built, she was excited ... i was supportive, but less than pleased. At then end of the day, i wanted her happiness and if a new house was it, in my mind it was just walls. I tried to be mature as hubby 2 and her built their dream. There was a certain stress an tension in our relationship as she was stress about selling her exising place in a down market, finances, etc. Normal everyday stuff that i had to approach in a supporting manner from the outside looking in.
There were are few 'discards' in 2010 (1 week or so) but we worked at it. Keep in mind we spoke and texted 24.7 at the beginning. We we married to each other under seperate roofs. Intense as you can imagine, so 5 days with NO contact was extremely out of the ordinary, but we mananged to find each other and reconnect after a certain time to reflect.
In Nov 2010 i attended her house warming party. Tough to say the least as i was in the company of husband 1, husband 2, and a number of people is really and truly didn't know (and didn't care to 'warm' their new abode). That being said, it was important for me be there for her as she wanted it that way.
Shortly after Xmas 2010, i received a text from her that she 'was sorry and no longer had the feeling for me'. Firstly, i was livid for staying and supporting through 2010, the house warming months before. No longer had the feeling ??? Still livid at that one, ya the honeymoon was over by no feeling. I don't get how the lightswitch can and did turn so quickly. I would truly mourn a lost pet longer than that.
Anyhow, i was proud ... didn't want to show weakness and went no contact until the end of Feb 2011. Keep in mind we broke up over wireless, so i didn't really have any proper closure. I'm stubborn and had a certain amount of healing in those 2 months .
Ran into one of her friends at the end of Feb and asked how she was doing (promised myself i wouldn't ask, but human nature got the best of me ... thought i was stronger).
WOW, did i ever get hit by a bus. Some time in January 2011 she left her husband (no 2) and started a relationship with the new neighbor ... keep in mind they only moved in in Oct 2010 and i don't think she met the neighbor until Dec 2011 @ a community xmas party. He came clean to his wife about the new relationship and apparently they are trying to make a go of it.
Still floored that after 3+ years with this person who was my best friend, she could pull this and discard me for someone she had only know for 6 weeks at best.
I did contact her after finding out this information to get some closure. She said 'when you have a connection and just know its right, you have to go for it'. Having a really tough time with this one. My two months of healing went out the window and now i'm back at square one ... in a darker place than i have ever been in my entire life.
I can't help but think of 'buddy' over at her house (as hubby 2 has moved out). It is tearing me up from the inside out. I gain solace in knowing that had i made a move in 2009 when she was first ready, i would be in the same position now ... and had blow apart my family (emotionally and financially).
I don't understand it, i don't get it ... but this was a brutal D&D, wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy . Pretty sure she has a sadistic side. Tossed our 3 year relationship out the door, her 7 year marriage out the door for someone she's know for 6 weeks. Pretty certain she was running him along side me though (that is what the gut is telling her). Her oldest has just witnessed the end of her mom's second marriage, her youngest just witnessed the end of her mom's first marriage.
Good luck babe and good riddance. Any thoughts or advice on this one 'friends'. Super tough right now, putting on a brave face.
Tks and God Bless.
Welcome to the board....I'm
she's a narc
Sorry about your situation.
Oh come on!
There are many of us who are
Thanks for your feedback.
I see 2 people being very
Never did I claim to be
I was only going by exactly
Firstly, i feel terrible for
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Sunshine