Stuff

Wasn't sure what I wanted to call the subject because I'm in a rambling state of mind.....or spinning would be a better word for it....

I'm trying so hard to maintain no contact - he called 4 times this morning before I left for work starting at 6:00 a.m. - this was after I broke NC on Sunday night and answered the phone and he said all sorts of horrible things to me and basically said I was selfish and full of sh.. and that it was all about me. He has decided that he wants to come back and that I won't let him and I'm the one doing all of this. I told him I would talk to him after the holidays to arrange a time for him to come get the rest of his stuff and then ended the call...

He said my counselor had poisened me against him and that I had hardened my heart and was just looking for excuses, etc. etc. etc. I know that he will never change - he is what he is and I want more for myself than that...

I started antidepressants last week - who knows - my stomach is a mess - can't function and am just so tired - I want it to all go away. It's been 4 1/2 years of this and I am so disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen and for not ending it sooner and I know that I need to do a lot of work on me.

I am reading everyday - I haven't posted or responded in a few days I'm just so done....

Thanks for being here