Struggling with something

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#1 Mar 14 - 6PM
Deidre99
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Struggling with something

It's not so much narc related, rather...it's just trying to accept or tolerate...not even sure of the right word to use here...of all the injustice in the world.

I've hurt people in my life. We all have. I'm not better than someone else. But, the difference between us on this site, and narcs...and other such assholes in life...is that many are never sorrowful for their actions. There's no attonement. With us, we attone for our 'sins.' We try to make amends if we hurt someone else. I have never hurt another person with malice, as a narc would.

Ok, so going with that. My life has been going great. I finally got a lot of things back on track. Gee, only took 2 years after the narc breakup, and a few other assholes along the way after him, to finally get it right. lol But, hey. I'm much better than where I once was. MUCH.

I've even found healthy ways to cope with my childhood abuses, and have reconciled and forgiven those who have wronged me. Progress, yay!

But, the problem I still have is...why do good things happen to bad people? There is a guy I do sometimes think about...the guy who was friends with me (guy after narc) and we were thinking of elevating it to dating. He is a narc, think we all established that here, after I posted about him. Have been NC for a while now...then remember he wrote me a nasty letter, etc? Ok. I think about him sometimes, because ...when I'm struggling, I think about how he never seems to struggle financially in this life. Everything is handed to him. And I'm sorry, this makes me fucking sick.

And sad. I'm not jealous. That's not the feeling. It's a feeling of deep deep sadness. And sometimes, anger. That I have been suffering since I was a kid, and this fucking asshole never seems to pay the piper.

And I don't like this feeling I have. I give it to God. For a few weeks, it subsides. Then, something goes wrong in my life...like nothing major, but financially, something goes wrong. And I remember him. And how he seems to be handed everything. I don't talk to him anymore at all...and it's not that I want him to suffer. But, I don't understand why there seems to be this lopsided set of scales in this life...like we all here have suffered so very much, and the people who do the abusing, seem to never suffer.

How do you cope with this? How do you compartmentalize this?

I pray. It helps very much. But, I am perhaps weak at times, and I get to thinking about that guy. Not him as a person who wronged ME. But, someone who gets by in life getting everything handed to him, and he doesn't ever seem to suffer for how he hurts people. Won't even get into it here, all the things I discovered about this asshole, after I stopped talking with him.

I don't know. I am pms-ing. lol Maybe in a few days, I'll forget I even posted this. :=P

I have a good friend who tells me that everyone reaps what they sow. I say that a lot on here. And frankly, it is true. But, some days...like today...I lose sight of that, and get rather weary of watching other humans hurting other humans, not only get away with THAT, but reap good things. Over and over. I have been reading more of the bible as of late, and I read a passage about how 'such people have reaped their rewards in this life,' in other words...they will have to attone at some point, for what they've done.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. I'm not looking for people to wallow in suffering or misery. Even people who have wronged me. But, I don't like all the struggles I've gone through, while people who are truly assholes in this life, seem to be handed golden eggs at every turn. It just makes me want to vomit. And I honestly, lose faith in mankind.

While this isn't narc related, it reminds me of the narcs that I've dealt with and you all have told stories of on here, and how they just seem to glide through life. *Seem* perhaps is the operative word.

Thanks for any thoughts/insights u have to all this.

Mar 18 - 5PM
terri
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Deidre

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Mar 18 - 2PM
TruthbeginsToday
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I hate to see you struggle ...so I thought I'd write

Mar 18 - 4PM (Reply to #16)
Deidre99
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i'm crying reading this right

Mar 15 - 1PM
mystwoman
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This is one of the things

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 15 - 9AM
evonjohn
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I always wondered the same

Mar 14 - 7PM
redflagswaving
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You nailed it.

Mar 14 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
Deidre99
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This has been helpful thank

Mar 14 - 9PM (Reply to #11)
Janie53
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D99

Mar 14 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
IncognitoBurrito
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Well said!

Mar 14 - 6PM
onwithmylife
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Deidre99

Mar 14 - 6PM
Froglegs
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Woman, get out of my head!

Mar 14 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Deidre99
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Onwithmylife and

Mar 14 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Froglegs
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Life is never going to stop

Mar 14 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
Deidre99
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Adding something here....one

Mar 14 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
Deidre99
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U r right. Hey how have u

Mar 14 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
Froglegs
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Mostly good and a little bit

Mar 14 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
Deidre99
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Things have been very good to