struggling with something

Hi everyone

Not posted too much last few weeks but been reading lots.
LC is helping me get that distance to see the reality of what went on. The thought of him doesn't invoke that sick to the pit of my stomach feeling. I have good and bad days like most.

What I am struggling with is,after doing lots of reading, that I have co-dependency issues. Not thought of this before but to me it explains why I stuck it out when maybe another woman would have walked years earlier (which his ex wife and then mother of 1st child did).Why I fooled myself, believed the lies, put up with the madness. But then this is leading me to think it's all my fault again.I just thought I loved him and we could make it work.

I accept now he is totally disordered.Why am I still looking for an answer?Why did I allow myself to be treated like that?How could I confuse what I got, for 'love'?Why do I find it as easy to blame myself,for his behaviour?

Am I going totally bonkers or does anyone else think like this?

Thanks for reading.

xx