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Strong

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#1 Dec 6 - 10AM
dazedandcnonfused
dazedandcnonfused's picture

Strong

As many of you know I was horrible at establishing NC. I have been on a rollercoaster ride from hell. With the last 4 months being very hard with the silent treatment and abusive messages. I learned to avoid all triggers. I have been limiting time on the computer, music choice changes etc. I finally started really feeling better and the pain had stopped 4 weeks ago. I really was healing. I had stopped thinking about him and stopped trying to figure out what I did wrong to make him so mad at me.
I started addressing my abandonment issues I have with my dad and I am trying to find his contact info etc. So I can have closure with my issues with him.
Well my ex is back 6 days now, as if the last 4 months if silent treatment didnt happen. He is being sweet and friendly. I am going back to therapy today! I cant and wont let him do this to me again.

Dec 7 - 1AM
Sea
Sea's picture

Be Strong!

Be Strong for yourself! You can do it. You can resist his lure. You rem its all nothing but hell. Yes you can!! I'm sending my strength to you. Do all you can to resist it. I know easier said than done but you have gained alot more strength in the months without contact. You can even think back on the pain he has inflicted when he ignored you for months. I feel for you. My ex N has effectively abandoned me as well. The feeling of abandonment and unwanted-ness is soo awful. I know how it feels like. With all these pain, I know you dont want him back. He's trying to hoover you back. Say NO and have a sweetest Christmas without him! All the best!!
Dec 7 - 12AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Hi Dazed

Good idea Dazed. Get back to your therapist as fast as your legs will take you. Reinforce your strength and boundaries and kick him to the kerb once and for all. It's like - he is all sweetness and light as if nothing has happened but all he wants is for you to get close again so that he can slap you back down. Keep strong. Dee x
Dec 6 - 11AM
Winter
Winter's picture

Dazed

As well as the Mods I cannot clearly understand your message and I think everybody is here to provide you with strength and support, as everyone always did, especially the Mods. However, if there is any chance you think you are changed now, that you gained strength and with the help of your therapist you can handle this relationship (no matter in what form or shape), then according to what I personally learned, THIS IS A BIG MISTAKE. A big mistake, which can lead to the dramatic consequences for you. This is why I join everybody who "read the same between the line" of your post and I am saying "Please, don't do that". Nobody wants to blame you, it is just that the result of a potential NC break will be just awful. And it is so obvious for us. Again, with all my respect for you, please, do not do that. Don't break NC. I so don't want you to be hurt and in pain. Love Winter
Dec 6 - 11AM
dazedandcnonfused
dazedandcnonfused's picture

I am nor seeing him. The

I am notseeing him. The hoover started and Im going to the therapist to help me stay strong and focus on the real issues at hand of why I have these abandonment issues I probably shouldnt have posted.
Dec 6 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Used
Used's picture

why shouldnt you have

why shouldnt you have posted.......but it was so CRYPTIC, so what answers can we give if all you say is he is back?
Dec 6 - 11AM (Reply to #10)
dazedandcnonfused
dazedandcnonfused's picture

I should have added more

I should have added more details. The hoover of rekindling our friendship is back. I can't and wont let him back in. I need strength and hope rhis therapist will give me tools to help me keep all my work I have done in my head and life from unraveling. I know what I need to do its just the matter of having the strength to do it. I have the upper hand should be able to close this chapter and burn the book! Wouldnt that be fun? A big narc book bonfire all of you are invited!
Dec 6 - 10AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

D&C

I am dazed and confused as to what you are saying in this post. Are you saying that he has moved in with you or are you "dating" him again? Or is he hoovering? When you say you can't and won't let him do this to you again, are you saying that you think by going to the therapist, you will be taught how to put up with his crap? We don't take that approach here on the board if this is where you are going with this. We need more details to understand what you mean. Sorry if I am misinterpreting what you are saying. I am concerned for your well being, you made major strides here ignoring his texts and I know you have struggled with this. What is he doing back? God bless, Goldie
Dec 6 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

dazedandconfused

He is doing it to you b/c you *LET HIM*, if he couldnt text you or phone you then surely you can move on?.... why is he not blocked.....why are you going to your therapist?....block him and be DONE WITH IT....OR YOU WILL NEVER BREAK FREE..... When you say he has been back 6days ,do you mean you are seeing him?.
Dec 6 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He is doing it to you.. Why

He is doing it to you.. Why is he not blocked?? What do you think the therapist is going to say that you don't already know.. You engaged...bottom line.. How do you feel?? I guess you forgot how much the ST hurt!! Hunter
Dec 6 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
dazedandcnonfused
dazedandcnonfused's picture

I will never forget the pain.

I will never forget the pain. And will never let it happen again. I posted to gain strenghth and support from this forum because you all understand it. I have grown and learned a lot. I will never be the same. I see him in a different light and can see through the bull shit. I realize we cant be friends.
Dec 6 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Now you're talking.. Block

Now you're talking.. Block him and get to the shrink. Hunter
Dec 6 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
dazedandcnonfused
dazedandcnonfused's picture

Exactly

Im going back in the morning. Dealing with my freakin daddy issues! Its about time. Im not giving my ex anymore of my energy. Going to the root cause of my problem!
Dec 6 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

It's save yourself or save

It's save yourself or save him. Pick YOU!!! Stay strong, you can do it.