stories of true happiness.

I am happy. Good to read what you all wrote Whatever- I still have bad days; my divorce is far from over. But I look at my surroundings now and I have a good feeling come over me. I play games with my family without getting made fun of; I have empathy and compassion for others and enjoy listening and helping when I can; I am no longer numb or walking on egg shells. I can eat without feeling guilty (most days). I love being around people and laughing. I do not have to worry about listening to someone's gripes and complaints. Man. No. I had a revelation this week and that is that I am diffent from N. I do not need someone by my side worshiping my every move. It feels good to be independent. He will not know that feeling because he always will have to jump from one woman to the next with no time to himself. I am alone but not loney. ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled

I'm working on it, but I can hardly describe the relief on not having Mr. Wonderful around, clouding every thought I have, every minute that I have them. Doing what I want and not worrying about him all the time. That's a very happy story in itself. Everything else is just butter! As far as finding a normal guy, maybe down the road, and if I'm very careful & cautious, I may find a real live actual good guy. Kinda like playing the lottery though? Sorry, couldn't resist! I think if you give it enough chance whatever, you may find some happiness within yourself. I have almost always been someone's girlfriend or wife, so being alone is DIFFERENT. But it's really okay for now..it meets my current needs. :)

And feel better than I have in oh so long but truth be told, am I totally healed? No. Reason I know this is because I cannot look back and laugh at anything yet. When I look back and remember and I'm sad or disappointed in myself for having taken so long to get to where I am today in my healing. For so long I felt stupid & used as well. Make sense? I have been out of my relationship with him for 2 yrs! For so long, my head knew where I should be and what I should be doing but my heart still continued to rule. For me, the combination of time, low dose meds, prayer, this board, keeping busy, just taking one day at a time and being kinder to myself all seemed to help. Awhile back, I thought I was ready to start dating again but I am not! I have been asked out a few times only to literally break out in a sweat! I am scared. Because of exN, I have built a wall around my heart but I do not care. I have to think if I am to ever find anyone, God himself/herself is going have to make this happen cuz I scared and not interested in trying again. Happy stories? I have many! I now enjoy spending time with friends and family without checking my phone 24/7 to see of he texted or called, stopped checking his website to see where he is currently playing (musician), no longer obsessing over 'has he found someone else?' OMG the freedom of having that crap off my plate....now that to me... happy stories :) I'm sorry yu are having a bad day. Know I am with you in spirit. Be strong friend.