STOP ME

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#1 Dec 30 - 11PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

STOP ME

I am so angry right now, I am ready to send the gf everything!!!! All the emails, text, pictures, everything. I am so angry that she is asking me to stay out of her business. She contacted me. He is the one playing games behind her back, and I am the evil one trying to break up their relationship.

I am sorry I am venting. I need to get it out before I send everything to her. I am sick of covering up the lies for him. I am sick of being attacked by her.

Wake up gf, he cares as much about you as his washing machine. both of you do his laundry. That is it.

I am trying to stay out of it to protect myself, but man, I want to sock it to both of them.

I am sure this is a normal reaction, but I am sick of being their sick punching bag. When do I get to just blow the whistle on all this crap????????

Jan 1 - 5PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Triangluation

That is what mine did towards the end, gets the Gf involved with the OW, or has a convenient excuse that some ow is stalking him when he was involved with her for three years to cover it up. He wants you still to be available for him as a back up if the Gf doesnt work out. or better yet like they said he can play you both and manipulate you both in his game. Thats easy, we dont play second to anybody, its either ALL ME or go screw yourself, I dont share my partners with anyone and if I am not enough for your total commitment and loyalty then you are not good enough for me, your a cheat and always will be, jumping from woman to woman, afair after afair, you are nothing but garbage. They get some thrill juggling many relationships at once, guess they need it to fill their empty selves, they always turn to others to fulfill their needs vs themselves, how can anyone turn to them to or count on them for anything when they are so unstable.
Jan 1 - 5PM (Reply to #18)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

triangulation

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/11/overcoming-triangulation-in-love.html ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 1 - 7PM (Reply to #19)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Fantastic article

This was a great article. It really speaks to what I have lived through. My STBXNH is a product of childhood triangulation. Him as his mother were "married" and the father was the third party out. The tow of them would gang up on old dad. Once he died, daddy had all the wonderful qualities, and mom is the evil one. Mine has no remorse for his victims. He finds the third party in his life. The new woman is idealized, and the wife becomes his evil mother. STBXNH also has a weird triangular relationship between himself, his sister, and his mother. GF is becoming the evil mommy. STBXNH is searching for his next victim to idealize.
Jan 1 - 11AM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Mallory

How ya holding up? Has the decision to contact gf still in your thoughts or has it lost its importance? Whatever you decide, I don't blame you either way. You are in tough situation. You were abused by him for so long & now you have to get it from her too?! WTF?! Can't you report them for harrassment?
Jan 1 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Anymore contact

Anymore contact from her, and I will report them for harrassment. Just got another text from him asking if I will talk to him in private. He says he wants to talk and not email so that our converstaions will remain between him and I. My answer to him is NO. If he has something "honest" to say, he can put it on paper. I wouldn't read it anyway, I would just send to the lawyer. The fact that he doesn't want to document his feelings on paper is just one of the many examples of his games. Lies to her, lies to me, lies, lies, lies!!!!!! Going out to spend the day with my kids.
Jan 1 - 5PM (Reply to #16)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

WAY TO GO GIRL! Oh, so he has something HONEST to say? Does that mean he's been lying up to this point? I am LOL at his silliness... Remember, any attention is GOOD attention for him. Starve, starve, starve the vampire!!! Have a fantastic time with the kiddos!
Jan 1 - 4PM (Reply to #15)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Malloryforest

He wants to create his own little club for just you two. Then you can feel you are in there and important to him. You can shun the NW and then he has you there...attached. Then he goes to her and winds her up to and he has the both of you to play with....isn't this triangulation. Whatever he gets to keep both of you there. Meanwhile you are both being played. Well done for not giving in. They will go away. He is very unhappy now isn't he. At least you know that. Everytime you don't acknowledge the games gives you more power. I actually had this with my family when i first left them. As i let go of one there was another coming at me. It was all cos they didn't like me changing and didn't like losing the control of me. I felt so shakey at first but eventually it stopped and i have nothing to do with them anymore. They don't bother me and i only think about them at times of celebration. Keep going you are doing so well.
Dec 31 - 4PM
4joys4
4joys4's picture

Stop covering for him.

Stop covering for him.
Dec 31 - 9AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

If sending her everything

If sending her everything would end it I would think it would be a good idea. Remember she is contacting you you aren't bothering them. Although getting back at her would seem to serve a purpose it might just open a whole chain of crazy events. My ex's second wife talked badly about me everywhere and as we were in allied fields people in her office knew me. Eventually he lost his media job, a lot of counter information was now in our workplaces about his slandering me and lying aout me and she lost her very good job. I just kept my mouth shut on the advice of my only ally. She was a neighbor who was in advertising, we were in media, and she slowly set things straight. It just took off from there and I got a lot of positive attention for keeping quiet. If you can't win don't bother. the journal is a good way to blow off steam. You will have a great new year and she is just in your old spot-actually it is kind of funny. I don't think anyone should get together with a man unless they talk to the ex. When we re-act out of habit and fear we aren't in control and it puts us off balance. he is the puppet master pulling the strings and if you don't participate there is no puppet show. Strong negative emotions deplete energy- strong positive emotions build energy. You can use your new energy to have fun and enjoy your life. A good affirmation, if they push your buttons is, "I let go of this anger for my own well-being." I wonder how long she will last-then he will have a new one lined up to annoy and bother you. Start laughing it looks like a long ride. Happy New Year you are going to have great things coming up. Just make a list of what you want, no matter how outrageous, and put it on paper. Read it at midnight on New Years then every night before you go to sleep. Next year you will be pleasantly surprised.
Dec 31 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

end it?

bullcrap! end it? with a pathological? are you kidding me??? it NEVER ENDS with them!!! or their girlfriends/ proxies... NO CONTACT! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 31 - 8AM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Thank you all so much

Thank you all so much. After I wrote on her, I went to my room and scribbled for an hour in my journal. I read a book, and fell alseep. I DID NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!! Thank you for keeping straight. You are all correct. I will continue no contact. They get no reaction from me, and I protect continue to protect myself in court.
Dec 31 - 6AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

I hope you didn't contact her? Please listen to what people are saying. I'm so glad you came here first, before you did something you'd probably regret later. I could do the same thing if I wanted with a few clicks, and really try to screw up my ex's life, but for the reasons you see here, there's no way. Sometimes silence is the greatest weapon.
Dec 31 - 12AM
curlygirl
curlygirl's picture

P.S.

I know that none of this is funny but I laugh every time I read the word "ChickenFucker." You deserve so much better and he doesn't even deserve the energy you would use clicking the mouse to hit forward.
Dec 31 - 12AM
curlygirl
curlygirl's picture

Hang in there

I'm so sorry you're going through this - and I sometimes think that the self-control that we have to use whether we're still with the N or finally out of the relationship is super-human. My ex forwarded me an email that his ex wife has sent him while we were still in our honeymoon phase - it was really, really harsh. In hindsight I think she actually went easy on him ... but when I read it I couldn't figure out why this crazy woman would send hate mail to a man who (according to him) was still financially and emotionally supportive of her. I would have been absolutely devastated to get that kind of email - he wasn't - he got off on the attention. he got off on showing me how "crazy" she was. he got off on my reaction, and my comment at the time "is this woman even writing about -you-??" That was an honest question and I was sooo stupid. Yes. She was writing about the guy I was about to meet. He, and possibly she, will get satisfaction from -any- kind of reaction from you. The biggest slap in the face you can give them both is to not react or respond. He's incapable of getting upset and she'll probably feel even more bonded to him. Please don't give him any more ammunition - it would feel good for about five minutes but the repercussions for you are likely to be more harmful than helpful.
Dec 30 - 11PM
baddream
baddream's picture

Drama Making

The narcs love to direct a good drama that they play the starring role in. They love the attention, both good and bad. You already know all this. Don't do it. Just stay away and let them have their drama for two. Yes, if you completely stay out of it, it will drive them both crazy and they will probably end up destroying each other. What a story Mallory. You need to be careful, because if you lose control he is going to say you are crazy and use it against you. Take some really deep breaths and exhale all the toxic stuff that is building up inside. Get this poison out of you and wish it all upon the two of them. If you need to vent, just keep writing here.
Dec 31 - 12AM (Reply to #5)
tiger1
tiger1's picture

just breathe

and keep it up . . best wishes, go nuts on here . . don't give him what he wants
Dec 30 - 11PM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Feel free to vent to us all

Feel free to vent to us all you want. Tell us everything you want to tell them. Do NOT give them the satisfaction of reacting. Do NOT let them know they are getting to you. It's okay that we know they are getting to you, because we are normal and have normal reactions just like you are having. We would all be reacting just like you are. Also, you don't want to do anything to screw up the court crap. You have too much riding on your behavior, and you've come too far to throw it away. Tell us what you want to tell them. We'll get you through!!
Dec 30 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

OK... so you know how pathologicals do everything for a REACTION??? they FEED OFF of your reactions? Did you ever stop to think this is all a GAME to get a REACTION out of you? Did you ever think that ChickenFucker is loosing big time, his world of delusion is imploding in slow-mo and the only chance he has is to make you do something he can use against you in court? Don't you know if you sent that to the GF he's got her so brainwashed that she will think you made it up and/or doctored it because you're still LURING him back? You have come so far, they sucked you back in a little and the brainwashing clicked in and now you're REACTING. Do not give these SOCIOPATHS what they want. STARVE THE VAMPIRE!!!!! And like I have been saying - the less you give - the CRAZIER him (and her by proxy) are going to get with their little DRAMAS. You have your children and you no longer live with him. You have the upper hand. Stay silent - and keep that upper hand to the bitter end. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 30 - 11PM
tiger1
tiger1's picture

vent here

If you send all the stuff he will use it as a weapon, hey look at my ex, I told you how she is. Poor me for putting up with her . . You know how he is and that is all you need really. Faith in yourself, would you have believed an ex gf or made excuses for him at the lovey dovey stage. They are fuckheads and leave them to it, talk to people who understand instead. You can blow the whistle to people who love you.. He'll get what he deserves eventually.. He'll be sad and lonely one day. . Probably won't know why which will be a greater result in the end.. We are strong women remember that x x