Still coming out.....

of denial. Last night group session was an eye-opener for me, another step in coming out of denial. I would have thought I understood this by now.

I was in love with an abuser.

Now I know he abuse me, I know he's a narc, I know he's a psychopath. But that statement shook me to the core of my soul last night, I've been thinking about it all morning. He is a abuser, maybe because he was so slick with his words, and twisted everything, I was still taking the blame for some of why the relationship didn't work out. He had never hit me, (once he picked me up and put in on the sofa.) , he rarely call me names, you always tell me how amazing I was.

He was so slick with his abuse, always laughing and remarking about my accent. How he couldn't understand me, I was born and raised in Ohio. Always correcting how I drove, with laughter. Always giving me advice in how to handle my money or relationships. Told me over and over I didn't have the maturity for a relationship. This began to make me feel like I couldn't do anything. I even became parnoid when I spoke to people, so I became quiet when I was around other people. Of course, I saw the abusive behavior when he rage, or when I found out about the other woman. Never cared to hear about my day, but was always trying to get into my sons lives. (which I didn't allowed)
Nothing in my life was important to him. He stoled money from me, started accounts in my name, gave me the ST over and over. Used me emotionally by telling me he had cancer.
Like everyone else I could write pages and pages of the gaslighting. Now that I am learning what healthy boundaries are in a relationship, I see the abuse even more.

At the end, he is a abuser.

I don't know why those words hit me so hard, but they did. Makes me sick, to think that I would love someone like that.

Just sharing some thoughts today

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