Still baffled

the million dollar question you asked, i always thought mine would shot himself in the foot, he had his last, best woman, me,great sex life, all the interests we shared, enjoyed traveling and i was loved by his family, yet when i started asking for more equal treatment the D and D came and it all unraveled. 15 years worth down the drain..............they are truly sick

thank God redhed thank God free at last free at last, just think of it this way God removed him otherwise his lazy ass would still be on your couch good riddance!

My belief when it comes to these individuals is you're damned if you do. Damned if you don't. If they are treated with kindness they look down upon you as stupid and pathetic because they believe they are unworthy of love. Therefore there must be something wrong with someone who cares about them. The more compassionate you are, the more repulsed they become. Step back and take a stand and you are then deemed as the abuser and they have been victimized. It's truly a no win situation as long as thy are in your life. NC is the win!

It's baffling indeed. I use to ask the same thing over and over again. My step-daughter said to him when he announced he had left for a new life, "I would have believed you more if you said you woke this morning and found you grew a tail." and then preceded to ask him "What more could you possibly want?" She was extremely upset, as were all of us. I told her then, and I continue to tell her now, we will never completely understand but have to accept it is what it is. I, like you Red, led that same life. Our home was beautiful, he came home every night to a beautifully home cooked meal, the groceries were bought, the dry-cleaning picked up, the house spotless, the laundry washed, folded, and put away, the social calendar full, the vacations planned. And all the while, I worked full time, just as he did. All he had to do was go to work and take his car through the car wash every Saturday morning. Life was so stinking easy for him when you think about it. I am sure, on some level, because everything was so "perfect", they became bored, even though outwardly, they don't appear to be bored. There is so much going on in their heads, they they kept hidden from us for so long. I would imagine if I attempted to get into his head, I would be sucked up in the funnel that continually is spinning in there. Bottom line, they don't know what they want, but we do. So we are so better off without them. Let them wander the earth, empty of any emotion, living how ever they see fit, when they see fit. We are free of that life now. Little did we know we wanted or needed to be, but we are now and know now. And that is what matters. Keep on rocking Red. You have so much to be proud of!

i think a lot of them have this "self sabotage" button. they get bored and prefer to live on the edge. they think they are too "unique" to live a normal, everyday or suburban life, no matter how affluent. all his life my ex would sabotage himself to the point of destitution, pull himself back from the edge, start to live a successful life, then start the cycle again, over and over. they are just very sick people.