A step backward

I discovered that the blocked call I received the other day was not from him.

And why does it matter? What did I think an attempt at contact meant? Nothing good-just a way to get the supply he needs if he is running low. But still, why did I feel let down when I found out it was someone else trying to reach me?

It shouldn't matter who was the one to end it. But really, in my case it was mutual. So why would I value a chance to "show him" by remaining NC after an attempt from him at contact?

This episode has revealed to me that even after only 6 months of knowing him, and even after over two weeks NC and more clarity, I am definitely not over it. (even though I thought I was headed there)

I'm trying very diligently to face my pain, record it, think about it, not hide from it. But still, it sucks to be discarded so easily. I read the posts, I know I'm not alone, that it wasn't my fault, that he is disordered. But still, rejection hurts.

Anyway, a minor set back but I'm glad it happened. It's opened my eyes to the fact that I have more work to do. More reading, writing, discovering me.

Thanks for listening.
Lisa