Starting anew how do i do it?

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#1 Jul 2 - 1AM
courtneyj
courtneyj's picture

Starting anew how do i do it?

So, I have written in several times. I feel as though I am moving on. He has tried to call but avoiding him has become easier. I have received a job offer in NYC for my old firm for a director of business development position. This is a big step in my career. I am accepting the position.

My dilemma is that I have been trying to date. The moment I meet a guy I think is nice, I will decide to take the relationship a step further, going on a few dates etc. Yet sexually I feel nothing. I am not sure what this is.
I feel the guys I am dating or accepting dates from are decent guys. Looks wise, they blow my ex away, personality they blow him away.
Me and my ex-Narc had great make up sex and that is usually all we had because he was always screwing up. I dont know how to date. I dont know how long to wait till I become intimate with someONE.

I am not over my ex-narc. I want to stand still with someone and I cannot seem to do it. Should I just take me time and date? I am not afraid of being alone by any means. I love being with my girlfriends and having fun!! I like being in a relationship with someone that can just be with me. I am not hard just lay with and be with. That "fake" part of my ex narc was what I wanted and loved to bad it was fake.

How do I handle the uninterest in sex and dating? I am afraid I have forgotten how to feel these things without the drama and chaos that existed in my life with my ex narc?

Jul 2 - 3AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

courtneyj

I tell those I coach they MUST wait at LEAST 18 months before dating again. Your feelings are telling you - you are NOT READY. Don't think you can just get a new guy and "forget" about the N. It doesn't work they way. Clearly you are not ready. Great that you have accepted a new position. Concentrate on that for a while. 1. Educate yourself. If you go back through ALL the pages on the MESSAGE BOARD on this site - I have LOADED it up with articles, etc. Read read read. 2. Therapy. Yes - find someone for the short term in NYC to work through your issues with. 3. Get a book like HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN along with its workbook and read/ do them! 4. Learn to like your own company and be satisfied with solitude. Far too many women have this NEED to be in a partnership and Ns smell that 1000 miles away. Learn to like you and work on you. 5. Time. In this case time will tell. The disinterest is probably from your mild PTSD. Therapy will help with that a great deal. Doing nothing, however, may make it permanent. SOME READING FOR YOU: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/01/your-dating-style http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/06/15/pacing-planning-your-recovery http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2009/02/romantic-sociopath.html http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/30/about-healing http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/09/h-b-red-flag-list Moving on is up to you. You are already doing it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 5 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Courtneyj

I agree with Barbara, don't date too quickly after a relationship with an n. You need some time alone to heal. Once you do, you will feel again and want to be intimate with someone. Congrats on the new job! That's fantastic! Focus on that!