Stage 2 August 27, 2010. In counseling

I am married to a mild yet abusive N. We had a terrible life crisis (finally) and that was it for me to finally look into what is wrong with him??? I sent him to a mental hospital for 4 days (he went to appease me). It didn't help, so we are in counseling. Started with just him, now the counselor (that I chose)wants to do marriage counseling. There is a lot to learn but from what I read I have little hope yet, going thru the motions for the kids and myself. I am actually going to post the email that I gave to the therapist for some insight on my N. I decided not to go to marriage counseling yet I did respect the Dr. and emailed him what my thoughts were. Remember I am in stage 2 so be patient as I am a very witty and determined (normal) person. Here is the email:

Dr. ,
My husband NAME is a patient of yours. I, his wife, was supposed to be involved in his therapy and attend an appointment with him today. I will not be attending with him because he has stated he no longer wishes to be married to me.He is lying about this and will lie to you. He doesn't want to talk to me bacause I no longer deal with lies or manipulation. In the hopes of helping him I wanted to share some information with you about the demise of the marriage. Of course this is my opinion yet informative for treatment. I also have some medical records of his (his signed release0 that can back up the diagnosis at Mental Hospital.

He was self admitted to HOSP in July for 3 days (after a 4 day depression due to a life crisis). This did not help him which is why I insisted he seek your help. I spoke with HOSPITAL(he signed a release) and they told me he has a personality disorder called NPD. I did some reasearch on this topic and I was shocked at SOME of the similarities. I "Thought" sharing this with my huisband would be helpful yet he resisted with some small rage, ignorance, and eventually a "leave me alone I dont want you' attitude. I told him that it's not his fault and he can get cognitive therapy for this behavior. He doesn't agree or see what harm he has caused to myself and our family. He will twist it on me that I am crazy ect....
In truth, I work mon thru fri at the same job for 8 years. I was on maternity in July so I insisted he get a job to compensate income. He found a job and it seemed to work out until he was arrested for stealing from them July 23rd. This was the crisis I soke of above. Before that job he went thru maybe 4 different jobs, none lasted a few months). We currently have no income and in danger of losing everything. I am in personal financial bankruptcy (something I never thought I would have). He doesn't provide for us, and he admits that when he is down and depressed. I know he WANTS to help us yet it never actually happends. I feel his family (myself and the children) are mearly an extention of himself. I am finally distresses and destroyed emotionally, and mentally.
One last try after his arrest was Mental Hospital and yourself. Maybe lack of patients and complete frustration on my part? Nonetheless, I do love him and hope you and he can discuss the possibility of NPD. He certainly doesn't have all the traits but to name a few:
failure to recognize others emotions
exaggerated self-worth
others provide him with comforts, Paying all the household bills, and other desires, but refuse to acknowledge any indebtedness or appreciate.
discrepancies between reality and his self-image.

I could have proof of a lie and he will insist that he is telling the truth. It is mindboggling to me that he can actually think I would believe him. He shuts down when I give him reality. He will resort to laying in bed for days at a time on and off when he is not feeling good...This usually happends after a crisis that happends, loss of job, me begging for help with the bills, or a fight with reality. I have tried to explain this to him and he still insists this is all not true yet I see this cycle constantly. He believes his lies which is also strange to me. He doesn't plan or act rational. He only shows remorse that he gets caught, not that he caused pain to loved ones. He will promise to change and insist he has changed, but in truth, he is the same. He overcame alcoholism, yet he needs some RX to survive, be happy, have energy or to go to work. I have enabled him his N Supply and I currently stopped. My stopping has forced him to want a divorce. From my research, my stopping will force him to seek another female to replace me(very disturbing). These are all my expieriences and opinions while living with him although I do have records (Records, and coorespondance)if you need it. He likes to say I am insane and psycho, and sometimes I feel that way dealing with life. I have a file on record at your office under MY NAME", if you want to read it for proof that I had some anxiety issues after my first marriage. I am certainly far from perfect and honestly NEED HELP for myself because I have only a select few that I can trust with talking about my marriage. I know I could have made it work but I am almost sure HE CANNOT but the birth of a new baby (2months old), working full time, all the financial responsibilities, I have burnt out. Plus, my bringing all of this to his attention has made him isolate me from his life (reason I am not coming to the appoointment)because I want him to be a better PERSON?
I now feel used and hurt and his actions have been nothing like his promises, yet he has no ability to see that. He honestly believes he has been doing hard work to change since his arrest. Truth is, yes, he has shown guilt and sadness of our dissapointment, yet no change. I understand it doesn't happen in a day or a month, however, this has been a few years now... Please email me back with your thoughts or needs for documentation. I am doing this out of a natural love for him and his mental health improvement.

The DOCTOR read this yesterday at my husbands appt...He didn't read it to my husband. This DR still asks me to go to marriage counseling. I have not decided...I want to becuase I love him and I want to do whatever it takes (sickness and health)but I also DO NOT want to see him again. Any advice would be welcomed because I am only in the stage where I just learned what "HE HAD". I gotta tell you, it's weird being around him knowing what I know....It makes me look at what he says and does differently..Maybe stage 3 around the corner.?