STABBED

I can't believe I'm reading this post,,, it is exactly the same as what I have been trying to post for the last few days and have deleted them all.Also feeling very despondent and can't leave my house. I tried yesterday to run a few errands and I couldn't even complete them,,I could hardly wait to get back to my house. I haven't even returned phonecalls from friends because I don't have the energy. I have been NC since July 20. I was on my own for 3 years before I met this n by choice also. And I too have discovered from reading on this site that this is not the first n I have had in my life. I now realize my exh was an n and so was another long term dating relationship and then this n. I have to wonder if there are any men out there that aren't n's??? And are these the only kind of dickheads that I am attracted to????? 3 strikes and I am OUT of here... It will be a hell of a lot longer than 3 years for me this time.

I don't know or have the secret key to success in a jar - but I will say I've been where you are. Literally where you are. I am working on forgiving myself. I think with all the crap they heap on us, we absorb the responsibility for everything. I did not want to even utter the word "victim" felt that I had choices in the whole thing. The truth is, the signs were there; however his cunning, was too great for me to see through all the signs. That is not my fault. We go through life knowing that we are good people and expecting others to relate on the same level. I don't think any of us had any idea that such a beast - I mean look at the description of a NARC...NO FEELINGS basically *except for himself...how the heck do you even begin to wrap your head around that? HUH? It's HARD AS HELL. But Truthseeker, I think that the first thing we have to do is from a place of STRENGTH, admit we are victims - we've been had. That doesn't make us terrible people and we are not to blame for their evil. At a certain point, we need to try to force ourselves out of the rabbit hole. This isn't gonna happen on any particular timeframe, but I think honest effort needs to be made, be it watching something funny on tv, calling a friend...honestly, I still can't go out far / anxiety etc...BUT I force myself out every day to walk two blocks to get my iced coffee. Everyday in rain, sleet and snow. AND, just the air hitting me feels so much better. This will pass honey, I know it will - it just feels like forever. All these feelings we feel are part of the process, I think we need to feel them and go through the emotions. IRONICALLY, this is I think the one thing without argument that makes us SUPERIOR to them, despite all the crap they try to heap on us. Be good to yourself, treat yourself like gold...start learning what that feels like again. You are special, you have purpose and meaning and there is alot more in life that you are meant to do, other than live not only for this man but ANY man. Take this time to find your voice, like the article says, have a love affair with yourself. THE FACT IS...we are born alone and we die alone...whatever happens in between is on us, but certainly, life does not cease to exist over a man...A NARC for that matter! All the best.