Spin off from kauaigirl post......

Hi kizzy; I'm a big believer in closure. (ask some here lol) I wrote this long letter in December to my ex narc/friend of last year. Long story. Won't bore you with the details. But, he ignored the letter. Never acknowledged it. The thing about closure is...it has to be closure FOR YOU. My letter was closure. But, the guy is now hoovering again. Hoovering in this sense...meaning, he isn't interested in dating me...or even friending me. He has no women in his life, so he comes back to me...his audience. But, I'm not that girl anymore. I think that at this point, you need to find a way to just let him go. If he is a true narcissist, he does not care. And you begging, etc gives him a twisted sense of satisfaction. Sadly. So, for your own benefit...and health...and sanity. Just try to find some closure in your own heart. Know you're a good person. You tried to be a good friend. But, these people are just not capable of what you and I are capable of. I hope you heal...I can relate to your story though. What's interesting is I never thought that guy would ever surface again. But, he did...recently. He wrote me again tonight, after a series of me ignoring his emails. I don't really have to try that hard to be NC anymore with him...it's just I have nothing to really say. What do you say to someone who has no respect for me as a person? I have nothing to say. You can get to this point too...but it takes serious NC. And time. {{hugs}}

you're not nuts. the worst part about breaking up with the N is that there is no closure. breaking up with a normal person involves closure. it still hurts, but the fact that there is no closure with the N makes everything feel nutty and crazy and really makes us question ourselves. i am going through this very thing and have been fighting for a long time to accept that there is no such thing as closure and that it has nothing to do with me. he just wants to keep the door open in case he needs me again in the future. or for whatever other crazy abnormal reason. you are going through something really normal and something that many of us have experienced. please don't question yourself and work on loving yourself and forgiving yourself. it's hard in a break up with a N because we are left w/ no answers/explanations and then we become desperate. this is completely normal. stay strong. xo.

Oh Kizzy....you're not nuts! See...you could give your N closure, right? They can't! You could sit down and talk things through....say I'm sorry...understand if you need to part ways...that it didn't work out and wish each other well. Out of frustration, we act in ways we normally wouldn't...because their behavior is crazy-making! It's not you...it's HIM! hugs for you :) ~KG