My N ex-husband left me for a woman he fell in love with at work last April. I and all of our family and friends were in shock. We were the happiest married couple on the planet, everyone modeled their marriages to ours. We were best friends, lovers........never argued. Too good to be true. 15 years of marriage he announced he was interested in "pursuing" another woman. Pursue? We are married, married people don't do that. Anyway, he left that day, with such ease, leaving everyone behind scratching their heads wondering what happened. To this day they don't understand. I do however, but it was not until I met the next man in my life, until I learned about narcisism.
My friends and I had planned a trip to New Orleans for my husbands 50th birthday in June. He left in April, we all still went since the trip was paid for in full and nonrefundable. I wasn't on the ground more than an hour, checked into hotel and went to the bar for our first cocktail. 15 minutes later, I watched a man walk in, walk up to the bar order a drink and before I could blink, he was tapping me on the shoulder introducing himself. We shared friendly conversation, he hung out with me and my friends all night, held my hand as we walked (I thought that was odd, but cute) and we exchanged phone numbers. He flew home the next morning (Friday) and I continued my vacation. I had a surprise phone call from him that Saturday while poolside, telling me he couldn't get me out of his head. I was so excited. The attention I was craving, he was giving, out of the blue, as if an angel dropped him in my lap. It must be meant to be. (Ha!) I returned from my trip and we struck up a daily contact via email, text and phone. He would not let up, we had so much in common, made a great connection. He use to tell me all the time that he has NEVER met anyone he connected with like me in his entire life. I kept falling........he lives in Minnesota and I live in NJ but we were sure this long distance relationship would work. I discovered he lied to me from the start (I had a background check done) he told me he was never married and had no children. I discovered he was divorced with a teenage daughter. I never told him this, I would explain away to people that he must of had his reasons, after all we met in a bar in New Orleans in the middle of the afternoon, he owed me nothing as far as his personal life. I waited and waited, he finally admitted to me without me asking a few months later and apologized for not saying something sooner. At this point, I was hooked, I couldn't get enough of him. Turns out I was looking at him with only one eye......and a fools heart. To make a very long story short, we were together for a year minus 2 weeks, off and on, from almost the word go. The roller coaster ride was horrible but I kept holding on and he kept coming back. I always flew to where ever he was, whether on business or his home, he never flew to me. He didn't have to.......I discovered a short time ago that he was on a dating site the whole time he was with me. He would log on at 5:30 am and be on until 10:30 at night. He is a loner, never had to go out, was content staying home and chatting it up with me and yearning for our next visit. Of course he didn't go out, he had all he needed, me and his little N playground.....when I discovered this, I waited patiently as he was telling me he loved me and could not wait for me to move out there with him, he was "on line" on his site with supply abound. I finally exposed him, told him I was aware of what he was doing, how his parents did him such a disservice (he was abandoned by both as a teenager and raised by his Gmom) and that I could not fix him and would not tolerate this behavior from him any more. People ask why I didn't just ask him to stop. I knew he couldn't and wouldn't, I had already educated myself enough about the N man and was positive that he was smart enough to hide anything I called him on. Bottom line, he sniffed me out from the word go and took full advantage of my vulnerability. As the book says, he raped my soul. I am healing, it won't happen over night, but with each day, I am getting my self back.........I didn't bother going into all the little details of the courtship, since they are pretty much identical to everyones on this site and as we get to know each other and talk, those details will be discussed as well. I am glad I found this site, appreciate the help I have received so far and look forward to helping others as well. Thank you for welcoming me into your world here and caring enough to read my story!