I am sorry to post negatively again. It's not fair to visit my bad feelings on you guys. I feel selfish doing so and I will try not to do it any more. I just feel so desperately lonely and miserable at weekends.
About 2 years ago when I turned 40 (before the Narc reentered the picture) I got in a funk. Yes Im married but I still got in a funk. I couldnt put my finger on it - it was just a funk. Here's what happened:
I got a new haircut that really suited me. I started to get tons of compliments.
I lost a little weight and started working out
I changed my make up actually adding more.
All of those things help with my confidence and gave a much needed boost and now I think I look almost better in 40 s than my twenties. People started coming up to me saying you look amazing (especially the Narc). It was just what I needed
I dont if this is good advice or not but it might just help. I feel like changing something might help you feel a bit empowered
I know, I should go back to the gym and start running again. I've actually lost weight since the breakup (quelle surprise) but am not as toned as I used to be. It's just hard to care enough about anything any more though. I didn't leave the house at all today, Friday night, or last night. Thank god the fucking weekend is over.
In your shoes, feeling the way you do about weekends, I would make great effort to have something really cool to do on the weekends. I would do SOMETHING so I didn't have to sit there alone in a nasty funk :(
It won't make it "all better" of course. But making it 50% better is worth it, eh?
And if you get involved in something, who knows who you might meet? Not just guys (though that is a nice possibility) but girlfriends, someone you might end up admiring.
I'd look at structuring your weekends like medicine from the doctor. Something you gotta do :D . Living like that really, really sucks :( If you can do something to make it a little bit better, hey. You deserve it :)
Maybe just try one of those things to start. For me it was the haircut it totally brought me out of my funk and got me to do the other things.
Sometimes you need something like that that is symbolic of out with the old you in with the new. I also read somewhere that a new hairdo can be just the thing to snap you out of a negative rut.
It's just that every time I think of one of those things, I end up thinking "what for?". Go back to the gym. What for? So I can look a little fitter while I sit in my apartment alone every weekend? Get a new haircut? What for? So I can look nicer while I sit on the sofa drinking red wine alone every weekend?
Thank fuck the fucking weekend is now over. Jesus I HATE them.
What for? Well, to feel better, not look better. Look at it in terms of the immediate benefit. Endorphins! And hey, that's a benefit for YOU YOU YOU. We like to look better for other people. Feel better for YOU! :-)
I really feel for you with this. ... have not had time to read all replies but just want you to know you are never alone on here. I agree about weekends and totally relate to what you say. Hugs x
I don't know what it is but when change something and begin to get positive feedback your confidence begins to build. When your confidence builds people want to be around you they just do.
I know this for a fact. There is a really unattractive guy in my office. He is extremely confident and outgoing and women are all over him. In fact that is exactly the quality that drew us to our Narcs
That is the purpose of the Board...you better come back and let it all out...
Get out of the loop of being sorry...your feelings are valid and the reason why you're on this board is because you've denied yourself the right to feel what you feel and have been brainwashed to deny yourself your feelings.
Thank you for expressing your feelings of selfishness, now please dismiss such feelings. Please do not stop doing it because that is the whole process in recovery if you do not change nothing changes (SHIT I HATE THAT...flashbacks of my "recovered" NARC asshole bitch ex who could only repeat like a fucking parrot catchy sloagans but never live by them)...I'll get past it...
A lot of us feel desperately lonely and miserable on weekends...but until you get past that...keep coming. I have seen remarkable progress just being on here for a few weeks.
BTW...today is my two week anniversary...hooray for me.
If you stop, we'll freak out and have to charter a plane to Ireland. Well... maybe we can still charter a plane to Ireland, but please don't stop posting. Talk to us, we understand.
It's why we're on the board! Please vent or scream or cry your heart out here. This is our safe haven!!! No one will judge us and we stand by one another when we are down and having a bad day or bad weekends. I'm feeling what you are and I read the messages on here and I can relate to so much. Please keep on posting!
Happy1 how are you? I don't get on the board as much as I used to, but I do read. I see that there are new members which is great, although not great because it means they've been at the disposal of a narc, so as I feel I don't really know anyone here I don't post much. Having said that I'd love to know how you're doing and what's been going on with that horrible narc who I'd love to see fed to the sharks if he fell overboard? It would be so good to hear where you're at now.
Thank you all. But I feel that I'm somehow abusing the code of this board because it is specifically to help people recover from narc relationships, whereas, while my last relationship was indeed with a narc, the wider issue of me still being alone at 42 is what is killing me these days. I just feel kind of emotionally numb towards him but bitterly and deeply miserable about the wider issue. I can't even feel anger towards him any more, not because I don't think it's in there somewhere, but because I just don't even have the strength to feel anger any more. Anger takes energy and I just don't have any.
HLS
I know, I should go back to
In your shoes, feeling the
HLS
It's just that every time I
What for? Well, to feel
weekends
hls
Uh Excuse me...
Thank you Michelle, that
If you stop, we'll freak out
It's why we're on the board!
Happy1
Ending the dance
Thank you all. But I feel
And the relationship you had
OHH! Okay, well I just
Well, thank you. I just