Sometimes It's The Simple Pleasures

"Extra money in my pocket. (he was always begging)" That's a big simple pleasure for me, too. I learned never to carry any cash because xnh always seemed to "forget" his wallet, and then he'd say, "Do you have any cash?" Nope. I sure didn't (on purpose). lol. I now can carry cash on me and it STAYS mine until I choose to spend it. :)

"living for the moment and not wishing it be at later date" Boy, I did that one a LOT. I was miserable with xnh, and frequently thought things like "I can't wait until xnh completely divorces his wife, and we can be happy together" (they were just legally separated for most the first year we were involved)" or "I can't wait until his hideous P daughter graduates and goes to college. Then we'll finally have peace in the house and we'll get along better" or "When we retire, we'll FINALLY be able to move away and live our lives alone as a couple without all of his family's interference". I felt like my happiness was on permanent "hold" waiting for some elusive event in the future to happen. I had a pretty bad case of "magical thinking" going on in my head about xnh. The truth was that the problem was xnh, and he has NPD. He didn't divorce his wife for so long because he was keeping us both on a string as NS. He liked the feeling of control. He got all kinds of drama from pitting us against each other, and leading both of us believe that we were "special" to him. His hideous P daughter is NEVER going to grow up and stand on her own two feet like a real adult, because xnh WANTS her dependent on himself so that he doesn't ever have to live alone (and she's just as psycho as xnh so she's using him to free-load as well). She's now 21 years old, been fired 7 times, is living with xnh on welfare with a newborn baby by a gang member, and she has a drug problem. He's now working hard to keep his youngest daughter dependent along with the oldest one. From what I hear, he's telling everyone that he FINALLY bought them the "family home", and that (even though his kids are both legal adults) xnh expects them to remain living with him forever "happily ever after". He LIKES the power of pretending that he's the center of the universe. Xnh and I were NEVER going to be away from his family's interference (specifically his mommy) because xnh WANTS to be completely enmeshed with her. He discussed our sex life in intimate, gory detail with her, for God's sake. HE was the one actively encouraging all of this chaos while I was pathetically waiting for that illusive point in time when Utopia would finally arrive in our marriage. My bad. My wishing for pipe dreams concerning xnh only put MY life on "hold", and allowed me to waste 16 years on him. No more. Now I'm free of him. My destiny is my own, and I'm HAPPY without him in my life. I'm now free to really LIVE my life instead of just waiting for some "bliss" that's never going to happen with xnh. :)

Ah yes, music is soothing for the soul. Definitely a simple pleasure. Xnh hated my music and always made fun of it. My tastes are very "eclectic", and I pretty much listen to whatever hits my fancy at the moment. My nephew refers to it as "musical whiplash" because I can go from listening to Mozart directly to something really stupid like the Smurf's Sing-A-Long album for little kids. rofl. Xnh used to complain about my music all the time. Of course, xnh is the person that has listened to nothing but Rush and Queensryche since the 1970's (literally - in order of album release date). I don't necessarily dislike those two bands (in case anyone is a fan). However, enough is enough. I could only listen to the same bands looping over and over in his car for so long, and they are ALL xnh kept loaded up in his CD changers. Thus, I wore my headphones and listened to my own iPod. :)

You're absolutely right. Now it's our time, and I'm thoroughly enjoying the freedom. :) Thanks for the tip. I haven't seen Amelie yet but I intend to check it out.

You, too?! Xnh used to hang on the phone for hours with his mommy (literally). He'd make sure to go into another room so I couldn't hear. However, on the rare occasions that I was on the phone with my friends or family, xnh would make it a point to come sit right next to me and listen to every word. I got so that only made my personal phone calls from my office at work so that I could talk without "ears" around critiquing everything I said. Xnh wasn't computer literate enough to check my computer history (that I know about). However, he did follow my FB page and cell phone history. Coming from someone that gave his computer viruses from online porn (and then expected ME to fix his computer), he had NO right to give me the Spanish Inquisition about any of my online activities. Xnh also had the unmitigated gall to start grilling me about the balance in my bank accounts (I ALWAYS kept my money separate from his - xnh is a financial idiot). At this point, I changed my passwords and made sure that xnh could not get into my accounts any longer. What a dirt bag! He kept me locked out of his accounts, but he thought he had a right to get into mine and then yell at me because I had two pennies that HE wanted to spend?!? I think not. I guess that's another of my simple pleasures. I no longer have to worry about whether or not he's spying on me. I've blocked him and changed my passwords everywhere I can find. lol. :)

Well, we all know that entire world, according to the narc, revolves around being NS for him (including the frogs, crickets, and fireflies). rofl. You are absolutely correct. I find nature to be very therapeutic, too. Now you can go out back to enjoy them, and they are there just for YOU. You deserve the "fan club". He doesn't. Let him have the mosquitoes though, - they suck just like the narc does. lol. Big hugs to you.