something terrible happened

I am a 43 year old widow (it will be year #4 the end of the month, same day as my bday and this CAN be proved through his death cert. and my drs. lis). My mother had ided earlier that years and my sister in '98. After my husbands passing-quite awhile, -i met my narc (feel horrible even calling him that right now). Things were great in the beginning and they began to disintigrate-you all know the story. Well, he had told me he had Huntingtons diseaes (he is younger in his 30's) & I thought it was a hoover but today NC was accidentally broken (he works-barely now across the street from my apt and he has gotten much worse, things you can't fake. Everyone I love is gone (do you have any idea how lonely it is to go toa store and se all the xmas stuff and know that doesn't exsist for you anymore or spend holidays alone at least he'd call (he grew up in a foster home so he knows what it's like to be nonexsistent. I know he did me wrong but nobody deserves this and I don't mean to sound selfish but when everyone you care about dies, it does something to you. I was mad but I NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN