Something I learned.....

You don't know how many times I said "Do you just not care?!" eventually I realized, He just did not care. Hence the blank stare, no response, change of subject...Beating a dead horse. Narcissists are corwards, are afraid of real communication because it actually consists of 2 or more people conversing. When actually they made up their minds and are conversing with themselves. It's so bizarre, my ex would literally talk to himself and recreate conversations and situations, to better manipulate others (mostly for his job) but it is sort of sick.

outstanding revelation. It is huge. It took me a long time to realize the disordered one I was involved with's rages were really a deflection from the issue at hand. He used terrorism as a way to deflect from my question and have me frantic trying to calm him down and therefore whatever lie I caught him in went on the back burner until I sufficiently walked on egg shells again. YUCK! I agree. This was a priceless lesson, tough to learn but so very valuable. It will NEVER EVER happen to me again. BTE, I hope you're doing well. It's good to see you post and I hope now that you're farther and farther out that your life is becoming joyful and fun. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT!

I always would say compromise and communication are the keys to anything in a relationship, as with my narc when ever i explain anything to him very calm and rationally, as men like, he would stare straight ahead with a blank look on his face and in his eyes, my therapist saaid because he cannot empathize, he just doesn't get it..........that is why we had no indepth expression of feelings between us in 15 years we were together.

I used to be the one sitting there with a blank look while he raged and raged and attacked me physically. I never got angry with him or raged at him which wasn't like me. The rare times I did hed shut me up violently or just laugh and play the victim if anyone he wanted to impress was watching. It was crazy. I couldn't be myself. I couldn't say anything about what he was doing to hurt me without receiving the rage or the silent treatment. in the end I was just fighting for my sanity. Its funny how there are so many similarities but also so many differences between how things turneed out with them all but either way it isn't healthy or normal. Just painful and all consuming and we are the ones left trying to process it all.

too! There was many times my XN would just sit there in dead silence with the most emotionless look on his face. (think Casey Anthony) And, I being a person that likes to solve issues before bed- would keep trying to talk..he would sit there and shrug, say I dont know to everything I said, or his favorite line was : I dont know what you are talking about, as he was CLEARLY doing something, until the final last days his line became : I dont care, I dont care. I asked him why he kept saying I dont care to everything i was saying, he said- because I DONT HAVE TO CARE...! He dont have to care about his very loving GF of 8 years..?? SO SICK. This is the mind of a narc, and I feel like they know what they are doing, esp with that last statement he made made. I say they can all rot in hell!! Sorry, I am still processing and ANGRY. One day, I will be at total peace and not even give a crap to care. I just do not want to be him. i would rather gouge out my eyes. One time, I bought him a cell phone , a very expensive nice cell phone and instead of saying- Oh I love it, thank you honey and thats it. NO he had to assert just how BRILLIANT he THOUGHT he was. He immediately went online to a website to show me how I could of got a discount on the phone and I paid too much , I didnt care what I paid, it was a damn GIFT! But, no he had to show me , he had to be SMARTER. Then, after I was hurt, I asked him to just drop it cuz he kept repeating himself. Narcs love repeating themselve. (Think : brainwash) and I went in the kitchen to make us his favorite dinner. He came in the kitchen and ACCUSED me of anticipating and creating fights?!! Not like he actually did anything to hurt me, oh no, not even after I TOLD him he was hurting my feelings. Then, I got MORE angry cuz he was not only ruining our dinner, but insulting me and blaming me for things I didnt do. ( he knew my weak points and my major weak point even as child, was being BLAMED for things I didnt do..he knew that, I told him) And then, I sat at the table with my cold dinner sobbing, he said he wasnt even going to try my food, the food I made him, cuz I ruined dinner (more blame for me) and then I said, well you probably didnt want to eat it anyways..and he then put his shoes on and RAGED, screaming in FRONT of my teen daughter who was just trying to eat. He slammed my door and punched holes in the wall outside..and squeeled off buring tires, was his favorite past time. SICKO SICKO! I am so happy I am FREE from this shit, and you should be too. VICTORY TO US ALL!! XXOO