Something to be said on ILLUSION

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#1 Jan 17 - 5PM
neverlookback's picture

Something to be said on ILLUSION

So far we’ve seen that a psychopath’s positive qualities are fake. As the psychologist Hervey Cleckley explains, the psychopath relies on a mask of sanity to pretend being fully human:
“However quick and rational a person may be and however subtle and articulate his teacher, he cannot be taught awareness of significance which he fails to feel. He can learn to use the ordinary words and, if he is very clever, even extraordinarily vivid and eloquent words which signify these matters to other people. He will also learn to reproduce appropriately all the pantomime of feeling; but, as Sherrington said of the decerebrated animal, the feeling itself does not come to pass.” (The Mask of Sanity, 375)
When reality is missing all you’re left with is illusion. This is precisely the message of Coraline, a popular children’s book and movie that even adults have a lot to learn from. Coraline is a little girl who has an average family life. Like most tweens, she finds many things wrong with her parents. Her mom can’t cook and her dad’s cooking leaves much to be desired. Both parents are too busy with their jobs to give her all the attention she craves, even though they love her. One day, as she’s exploring around her new house, Coraline discovers a little secret door in the wall. Once she opens it and steps inside, she inhabits an alternate universe, with seemingly perfect versions of her parents. In this parallel household, everything revolves only around Coraline’s needs and appeals to her tastes. Her new mom prepares only the dishes that the little girl prefers. Her new dad plays the piano just for her and plants a beautiful garden that, from above, resembles Coraline’s face. The neighbors entertain her with a spectacular circus performance.
Yet, as it turns out, this magical world is completely fake, the opposite of what it initially appears to be. It’s the creation of an evil witch who lures people in by preying upon their dissatisfactions with reality and promising them an ideal life. In actuality, she wants to suck the living soul out of them. Why? Because she loves controlling others and playing mind games. Does this sound familiar? Since everything generally ends on a happy note in children’s movies, however, Coraline escapes just in time to save herself and her parents. She realizes that the imperfections of a real life with loving individuals are far preferable to any illusory ideals created by those who want to control and destroy you.
As Coraline also illustrates, psychopaths don’t just lie through omission and commission. More fundamentally, they lie about who they are and what they intend to do with you once you become emotionally attached to them and invested in whatever they originally promised you. Their whole identity is a lie and so are their good intentions. Their every relationship is based on fundamental deceit. They attract you with the illusion of love and compatibility only to repeatedly stab you in the back. They act as if they support your goals in life, while covertly undermining them or openly discouraging you from their pursuit. They act as if they care about your family and friends, only to isolate you from them. They fake interest in your interests, only to narrow the range of your activities to a complete, and servile, focus on them. When you deal with human nature, remember the age-old adage so thoroughly elucidated by Cleckley in The Mask of Sanity and so entertainingly expressed by Coraline: what seems too good to be true usually is.

Jan 21 - 7PM
Timehelps2's picture

This is one of my daughters

This is one of my daughter's favorite stories and you certainly gave it new life for me. I read your comment (edited) to her and she said "I guess I'm not old enough but I can't imagine how that would happen" to which I said "I hope you never do fully understand the truth behind that story" she's 13. It's painful to be so honest with my girls about what I've expierenced but I'll be damned if my pride will prevent me from arming them with the knowledge to avoid people like this. Thank you for this post!
Jan 18 - 11PM
loveofmylife's picture

you are on a roll, girl!

you are on a roll, girl! These articles have been awesome!
Jan 18 - 8AM
Susan32's picture

Illusions of Bliss

The more I read (especially about the Tolstoys' marriage- Sofia longed for friendship for 48 years, it never happened), the gladder I am that I didn't marry the ex-Psych professor, nor did I have his children. My dreams of marriage and happiness were simply that... dreams. Had I married him, it would've been a nightmare.
Jan 18 - 8AM
spinning's picture

NLB, your recent posts are

so appreciated; strengthening and where the focus needs to be: on exposing the madness for what it is. I reject the madness and these articles you've been posting make it easy to see why it must be rejected. This is a process unlike any other I have ever experienced. I like the exposure of the TRUTH that you are sharing about these very disordered individuals. Thank you so very much. Sincerely (trying so very hard to stop) spinning


Jan 17 - 8PM
Amazed's picture

This is very accurate

They only mimic feelings, words, actions..what you see is not the original, they live to cultivate deceit... they will never be there for you, please cut it off immediately if you are involved with this...thanks for the post,,,
Jan 17 - 6PM
onwithmylife's picture


LOVE all these articles bring em ON....................
Jan 17 - 6PM
Hearts544's picture

thank you

thank you- this is such a great article!! i will def. be printing it out and re-reading thru all this. :)
Jan 19 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
hedidntbreakme's picture

thank You

before i do anything on the message board - i scroll down for message from you. Thanks so much
Jan 19 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
neverlookback's picture

What a nice feeling that is

that I can help ANYBODY in any small way to see the truth of this disorder. I remember how important it was for me to read on this forum the expert advise I got from others who were far into the road of recovery, and wondered how in the world did they do it?!? How do you recover from a complete violation of everything you once were and how do you pick up the pieces and feel normal again?? You keep reading this forum for one, and I cant stress how you have to educate yourself with this deformity. Unfortunately none of that takes away the emotional pain but as you shift away from THEIR behavior you begin to focus on YOURSELF and work on the damage that was done to you as a result of this. NOBODY escapes without some type of damage, you were dealing with a disturbed person so they had alot of nasty nasty stuff they projected on to us. Some of us like myself included actually truly believed we had no worth and value, we doubt ourselves, wonder what we didnt have that the other woman had, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am too far down the road to recovery to ever have those doubts again because I truly KNOW the behavior and pattern of a narcopath. My healthy mind is going to WIN over his sick, twisted mind, and in the end you will come out feeling better about yourself than you ever have. You were chosen by him for all the greatness you are and dont ever forget that, despite what he tried to make you in the end. I remember being called a "Gutter Slut", and just where would you be without all those gutter sluts I asked him to feed off? Those poor needy women you have raped, conned, trained and brainwashed to think you have come to save them? He never did answer the question as he hung up on me. Throw a little psychology their way about their behavior and they run like the sick cowards they are. HE is the gutter slut. There IS a life out there that is worth fighting for, away from these sick individuals who only want to destroy you, they disguise themselves as pillars of society and surround themselves with props to appear normal to hide their sickness. Their GF's are props, their beautiful homes are props, everything they have is for appearance sake. Like I said before take everything away they have and own and they are NOTHING, take away everything we have an own and we are still something.