To Some, YES, I'm The Bearer of BAD NEWS! WHY NC IS SO IMPORTANT!

I know how important, in fact, critical, crucial NC is to recovery. You ABSOLUTELY MUST be willing to do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING to GET and MAINTAIN it!!! This is the first EXERCISE and hardest one you will EVER do to EMPOWER yourselves again! This is your big "F" YOU to your disordered one! This is ESPECIALLY EMPOWERING when he/she attempts the ole hoover maneuver. This is your BODY WIDE PROTECTION against the DESTRUCTIVE, EVIL DISORDERED FORCE. WHen you apply STRICT NC, you are letting the world know, especially your ex's and mainly YOURSELF how much you WANT your self respect, dignity and POWER BACK. You can do this with grace, style and CLASS! Yep, that's what I said! IT can even be FUN! You can reward yourself early on, EVERYDAY with something special for yourself (since most of us have severely neglected ourselves, this could be as simple as a dentist or much needed doctor's appt), a fave piece of candy, a great book on psychopathy, this or any other blog, where you can vent vent vent or even buying yourself a cutie new outfit (YOU HOTTIES, YOU!) and getting your hair, nails done, shoot, even a massage helps so much, or lighting a lovely candle and taking a nice warm bath or meditation...

When you have proceeded through six months SOLID NC, take yourself and some friends out for dinner and CELEBRATE your new freedom WOOT!

Sounds great, RIGHT? But this is what you have to do first. And this is where it gets serious, because the excuses for not going COMPLETELY NC, are so insurmountable I think I've seen them all, if not used them all when there was a glimmer of hope he'd contact me (GAG!).

Please remember that you can easily retrieve these avenues of social networking and you CAN create a new email address and CAN send them to anyone who's important in your life.

1. Get rid of ALL Of your IM's
2. Get rid of your facebook. THis means COMPLETELY DISABLED.
3. Change your phone number and if you can't do that, DON"T ANSWER THE PHONE! If ass face leaves a message, simply delete without listening to it.
4. COMPLETELY DISCONNECT with ANY mutual acquaintances, friends, businesses. If this is not possible, remain as distant as possible when it involves something absolutely necessary to your existence.
5. Shop at different stores than he does if you live in the same area. Take back roads if you pass him often. Don't go out when he might possibly be out. Do not go to the same bars, restaurants, motels, whatever. DO NOT DO IT.
6. Keep your doors LOCKED. DO NOT ANSWER IF HE COMES TO THE DOOR> DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. TRY to visualize SATAN at your door and the DESTRUCTION he has waiting for you. Those flowers he has in his hand or his ready made sob story will only suck you back in, it's' bad enough if he's standing there in the flesh. GET ANGRY AND DON"T ANSWER. HE IS VIOLATING YOUR NC AND YOUR BOUNDARIES. Think about this carefully. When someone tells you to "F" Off, you don't go against your wishes. It is undoubtedly a disordered one who will VIOLATE those wishes! If he will violate even the SIMPLEST of boundaries, he'll push the rest too. THIS IS A RED FLAG!

Now I can just hear some of you out there whining, bitching and moaning about this "I CAAAAAAAAAAAAN"T DO THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!" "WHY SHOULD HE GET MY POOOOOOOOOWER AND I HAAAAAAAAAAAVE TO DO ALL THAAAAAAAAAAAAAT WELL FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU** HIM!"

Ohhhhhh no bueno attitude. Really. NC isn't about him, it's about YOU. It's about your personal safety. This is about getting back what he took away and would continue to take away. This is your gateway to heaven from hell. This is the answer to your prayers. YES, it is EXCRUTIATINGLY Painful, because you "Love" him and you may well have, but the truth is he created an ADDICTION within you with all the intermittent reinforcement through mainly sexual contact and all that oxytocin and manipulation he shoots DIRECTLY INTO YOU. It's' the push/pull dynamics. It's the bread crumbs you want, NOT HIM. Think about it in this way, he sees you as a WOOSIE! Who wants to be a disordered one's woosie??? He sees you as WEAK and easily EXPLOITED. Who wants THAT?

I'm always so sad to see women go back. The truth of it is that 85% do and don't ever get well. They are so addicted and so far gone, they will never see the light of day. We have seen this with many other addictions too, the alcoholic who stops drinking for awhile, then a crisis erupts and they go right back. This WILL happen, some WON"T make it, but if you are here today and you're still NC, the longer out you go, the stronger you will be. If you can live through this pain after the pain of the relationship, you are stronger than A LOT of people! You're NC is truly love of yourself in action. You deserve more, better and the best life can offer, so do your children, your family and friends who all love you so much, but feel helpless to break you from your dependence and addiction to him.

It's worth it. Every second you are NC, even if you have to tie yourself to a pole and grin and bear it for awhile, it's worth it. I promise. STAY NC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!