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Some Concerns of Mine

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#1 Jul 8 - 9PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Some Concerns of Mine

I heard Barbara state somewhere, “nothing emotional, only the facts, otherwise he can sue you”. This concerns me because I had wanted to start a public blog writing about or maybe one day even write a book about the abuse I’ve experienced at my Nsister’s hands. In fact, I wish that I could journal on Myspace, but I know she has me watched…

What does this mean exactly? Can I not write about what I suspect were her motives in specific situations?

For instance, I showed up for dinner with her at her workplace way earlier than she expected (just cause I was nearby and didn’t want to drive all the way home and then back), and was gonna go entertain myself elsewhere until the time we agreed upon. But I decided to stop in and say hi. Big mistake. Once she saw me she shrieked, “What are you doing here so early?!! I told you 6:30!!!” so loud that one of her co-workers got totally shocked and did this weird frightened double-take with downcast eyes and then just hightailed it out of there. Stunned, and thrown completely off-balance (as she had done this in front of a bunch of hostesses who just looked at me), I sheepishly explained to her that I was just stopping by and saying hi and could (and had planned to) go to a store nearby to pass some time. Once she heard that she put on a more “understanding” tone and demeanor, “Oh. …oh, ok. Cause I was planning to go next door and have a few beers with friends as soon as I got off.” “Of course… I was just gonna say hi.” “OH ok. Well, I’ll call you when I’m ready!” With my head hung low, I went on my way, extremely embarrassed and hurt… And at the store only felt like I had been run over by a car. I just stood in one aisle and the humiliation just replayed over and over in my mind. Before I knew it, my phone was ringing and she was then telling me to hurry up back to the restaurant… putting me under pressure to appease her once again (whether to get us a table or bc they were waiting for me already, I forget which)... And this was only one instance of her publicly humiliating me to ensure she got her way...

So when does the legal crossing of the line occur?

And what if I write entirely under the a name that is not her legal name? Would that change anything?

But MOST importantly, if I go NC, and start a new life under a new name, and start my dream career that would, to a relatively small degree, put me in the public eye... which might be cause to be discovered by her… when she (theoretically) does... do you think she’ll attempt to ruin me with scandal (accusation of abuse from my reactive abuse) if she finds out? I just worry cause it seems that it’s been her reason for living… to ruin me.

What's your view on all this?

I kind of want to write to be ready to protect myself in a way... if it comes down to it. As well as to make people aware of the issue of emotional abuse, etc.

How can I do what I want to without paying some horrible price?

Jul 9 - 2AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Csparks

you might like reading thru my friend Anna's site about Narcissism. She speaks about her Nmother and Nsister at length. http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com Blogging it - using fake names, places - can be very very healing. And validating. Read a lot of other sites written by victims - it's also very validating as well as enlightening. We all need to support each other as much as possible. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 9 - 1AM
CSparks (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The legalities

Thanks for all the replies and legal info. Wow. The whole thing is so complicated. I guess I'll just try and make the clean break and deal with whatever comes when it and if it does. I'll probably just do some personal writings for healing and documenting instead of anything for public purposes for the moment... and have it for a resource if ever need be. My main (and ideally only) concern anyways should be here and now (first and foremost, healing and making the clean break), not worrying about the future. :)
Jul 8 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

your concerns

James is right - when writing about someone you either have to present hard facts that you can back up or couch your writing by making sure it's clear that it's your OPINION or you FEEL THAT.... so on and so forth. For example: saying 'John is a pedophile' is actionable as defamatory if John has never been a pedophile or you have nothing in black & white, no hard evidence - just your suspicion. In that case you have to say 'John has shown some traits that make me suspect he's a pedophile. But I hope I am wrong.' In the latter case - John could still take you to court and/ or hassle you but the case would most probably be dismissed. However, there are a lot of blogs, some by members of this board - about their exes... which are well worth a read. Especially if you use the ex as an example & educational tool for others. It can be healing for you. James gave you the Citizen Media Law site which is great. Also EFF.org has some good reading too. Here's my site about Psycho-Boy: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com James has his site (see his comment for the link) about his ex. Some others to look at are: http://www.theotherbed.com http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com There's more out there so just read around and be careful not only of WHAT you say but HOW you say it. And NEVER post someone's address, phone or social security number online - that's a Federal Offense under the Identity Theft umbrella. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 8 - 10PM
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Blogging

CSparks I believe what Barbara is stating when stating “doesn’t but the facts” are anything that can be proven to be a fact in a court of law. Also under our constitutional right(s) under Amendment 1 Freedom of Religion, Press which states: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. We do have a right to our opinion and the right to report news/events. But if challenged in a court of law you will be asked to defense what you wrote was the truth and should be able to be proven in a court of law. A person can bring you to court if they can prove you slander defamation false light and/or would profit by using their name whenever reporting events/new concerning the person in question. This is a great site for more information if one wants to start a blog and what the risk(s) would include when doing so. http://www.citmedialaw.org/ My blog is set up to expose and “report” what happen to my children and I when dealing with my ex. I did so based on a journal. My personal journal will be my defense to prove in a court of law that my ex knowing lied and manipulated both my family and I for her own personal gain. Without giving any more information concerning my possible legal battle(s) in court this is but one theme (i.e defense/grievances}. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/ So I would suggest reviewing the org site to maintain and manage a blog within the legal lines of honesty and truthful reporting/journaling couple with facts and personal opinions. Also know one might lose their case so I personally ask that one understands all risks whenever doing so. In short precess at one's own risk.
Jul 8 - 10PM
grossot
grossot's picture

Dude you need to get away

Dude you need to get away from her. She is making you paranoid! I don't know exactly what she's done to blasphemy you but with all due respect she is only your sister! You are not battling a spouse in court or fighting for custody of her chilren. Leave and consider her history. I know how damaging they are. But you are in a great position to just go. She doesn't need to contact you. Allow her no phone numbers or forewarding addresses. Not even email. I know its hard to leave someone you care for but you'll be glad you did it. As for the legal ramifications of writing, Idk. I would like to know the same things. I do know this is America and we have freedoms. How could you be sued for writing a book with fake names? Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Jul 9 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
CSparks (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks

You're absolutely right. Thanks for the reality check... the hypocrite's stage only extends so far. And she was only able to do what she did, which.. was a LOT tho, but only because of the nature of our relationship. Her influence surely doesn't extend as far as my fear compels me to believe (in an attempt to keep me frozen). The Lord told me the my best days are yet ahead, if I can just look up. I guess it's prime time I started believing that.