sofree's story

New-Eyes opened

Hello all- I am new to this forum. I was with my ex-narc for 10 months. Every month of the relationship I noticed things that didn't settle right with me. He was so charming and seemed so sincere, I wanted to give him a chance. The fact that he was from another country made me give him the benefit of the doubt, I just attributed it to cultural differences and figured I just needed to understand him and adjust. I kept saying something just isnt right about this guy but got so distracted by all of the attention that he was showering me with. He seemed so considerate and kind, attentive and loving. He showered me with compliments, bought me anything I wanted, he made me feel like he would give me the world. He listened to me and made me feel like I could tell him anything. We grew a strong emotional connection. I still wasn't convinced he was who he really said he was. I ran a background check on him and found out he had been married previously when he told me he had never been married. When I confronted him with it, he tried to deny it but knew he couldn't because I had too many facts. He went back and forth from denial to not really admitting it. This was the second time I saw his mask slip. I decided I was done with this guy because of the lie and the way he handled it when confronted. He somehow slid his way back in and needless to say I saw this pattern repeat itself over and over again. He never admitted anything, had an explanation for everything, and would find a way to reverse it on me and bring up what I was doing wrong or how I caused him to display bad behavior. If I wouldn't have done this he wouldn't have done or said that. He showed me in the beginning that he didn't respect my boundaries. Any boundary I laid especially when it came to sex, he crossed them and he told me that he would. He slowely started overriding my will about everything. I became so distracted by all the nice things he was doing for me and how he made me feel like I could depend on him for everything then he gradually started taking control. Anytime I brought anything to his attention when I knew he was lying or almost caught in something, he would tell me he felt sorry for me and that I should stop doing that to myself. He told me that I had a problem and should get some help. I felt like I was getting smaller and smaller in his world. Eventually he stopped listening to me, in fact even tried to silence me, when I would tell him how he'd hurt my feelings he would totally ignore me or tell that I was talking to much. He made me feel like I was nothing to him. Then I started questioning everything he had promised me, he had an answer for why he couldn't keep his promises and of course it was because of me. I broke it off in October, couldn't handle it and went back 2 days later, the disrespect and disregard increased, so I left again November, went back a week later and let him explain himself once again and listen to him tell me how he didn't want to be without me. The situation continued and I finally cut all communication 2 1/2 weeks ago. I am thankful that my eyes are now open but this has been an extremely painful process. I know I will be better for it. Just need to take it one day at a time..