I finally figured out that my Ex N has anti-social personality disorder (APD), making him a sociopath. This realization has furthered my healing as now I know what I was dealing with and can see him for what he is.

He was a juvenile delinquent that barely graduated from high school. He was in fights all the time, skipped school, and not well thought of. He felt entitled to things without working. His own family told me this.

Fast forward to when he started his business during his 20's. He frequently broke the law by hiring illegal aliens, evaded the IRS by refusing to pay taxes and then his business partner mysteriously dies?!!! He was sued for violating prevailing wage laws and lost his business.

He has multiple pending court cases against him now for building code violations, fire code violations, and unpaid taxes, foreclosure, etc. I once found an entire box at his house filled with unopened letters from the bank and unopened certified letters (which were warrants for his arrest). I ran his credit and it came back with a zero (I didn't know that was possible). He has no credit cards and buys everything with cash. He spends money like it's water in order to impress others. I received lavish gifts, trips, and dinners. I've talked to his ex-wife and she said that he would spend so much money trying to impress others that they didn't have enough money to pay their bills.

Add in the fact that he is a sex addict that trolls the internet dating sites for new victims. I met him on I found out that when he travels for work, he has sites for all of the cities. His ex-wife told me that she found cards for escort services. I found out all of this on my own through snooping, court records and the internet.

Why was I the perfect target? I'm a CPA with perfect credit and I'm very responsible. He was looking for me to be the anchor in his life and to pick up the pieces. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had married him? I can't thank God enough for giving me wisdom and showing me what kind of person he is. I was there to make him look good and take care of his needs. To give him the appearance of a normal life.

Below is a video on sociopaths.

Jewwell's picture

I also thought that I could "fix" things -- I have been supportive both emotionally & financially through various business ventures and schooling -- but he ALWAYS messes things up somehow. I realize that he is his own worst enemy. He is about to be evicted (again) 'cuz he owes $4800 in rent. He has heart/blood pressure issues because of the constant stress he is under. I have never had a person disrespect my boundaries before and this has been a life lesson learned the hard way.
Trulybroken's picture

To answer your question why you were the perfect target, because he knew you had no/little boundaries. Men like this sense women who are the "fixers"
WiserNow30's picture

You're so right. I was under the delusion that if I loved him enough, I could fix him. I'm working on me now so that I never let this happen again. I have to accept that I can't change someone and I need to set-up boundaries that no one can cross, no matter what they say. That's really the big lesson for me. Don't listen to the words. Look at the actions.
CougarBabe7's picture

I think you're right that he's an AntiSocial. I was with one of those too. Took me a while to figure him out. I thought he was a Narc. What tipped me off was: this guy was a stalker after I left him & he really wanted to HURT me. He tried to get me fired, tried to get me evicted & tried to stop me from getting financing on a vehicle. A Narc wouldn't do those things because getting me fired or evicted would not help him in any way; and as you know, with Narcs, it's all about them! I'm glad you never married this guy, because yes, imagine how much worse it could've been? EEEEK! Love & Light! ♥