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So strange

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#1 Oct 13 - 7PM
thisisnotfun
thisisnotfun's picture

So strange

We all thought something was wrong with our relationship. We all endure much pain with these men and women. We were all brought to this site. I'm thankful that we all found this site. I don't know what I would have done had I not researched and tried to find some answers. Had it not been for this site, I would be back with N and roller coaster ride I was on. I would have continued to "please him" and try to "fix" our relationship. I would have moved in with him. Yes, the thought makes me sick to think I could love someone who is so messed up and sick. I've had a hard time coming to grips with all the information I have read. Everything I read says the same thing over and over again. My kids, family and friends told me from the start his behavior was odd, he treated me poorly and was anti-social. I had every excuse in the book, I loved this man(thought I did). He would D&D me all the time. I just kept coming back for more..... I know for a fact that he treated past relationships and relationships since our breakup the same way. The last time I spoke to him... Months ago, he was telling me how all women are messed up, have tooooooooooooooo much Drama and are out for one thing. ha ha.... Text book case... Please don't doubt yourself. Something brought us here at this time in our life. Listen to your what everyone is saying and continue with NC. Thank you all.....

Oct 13 - 7PM
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I know what you mean...

I am so thankful for this site. Before I found it, i had so many people telling me I should be over it and dating again "go have some fun Jessika!" or "I can't believe you are still thinking about that' Through this website that I found at 3 months post relationship I realized I had PTSD and needed treatment.
Oct 13 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
thisisnotfun
thisisnotfun's picture

I have realized so many

I have realized so many things after reading the stories, replies and posts here and on other sites. I really thought it was me and I was losing my mind. I was in the hospital for a week and had all kinds of tests done because I didn't know why I couldn't keep anything down, was losing weight(I'm underweight to begin with), confused all the time, couldn't focus, and really just lost. I spoke to ex wife, an ex girlfriend and realized what I was dealing with and started to help myself. At first, I thought, I would be different, he loved me, I could show him the love he never received from anyone else. Boy, was I wrong. Now, I look back and see how much I allowed him to effect my life and me. NC has been the best thing I have ever done and I'm starting to heal.. Long road ahead of me but one I'm looking forward to as well.
Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thisisnotfun

Sounds like you have just taken a giant step :)
Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
Hoping2Heal (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OMG!!

you wrote.... At first, I thought, I would be different, he loved me, I could show him the love he never received from anyone else. Those are my thoughts EXACTLY! I did the same thing. I would prove to him that I would stay and love him no matter what not leave him like alllll the others did. I would love him past all his hurts! YA RIGHT!! Little did I know what I'd be in for. That I would be physically, emotionally abused and repeatedly D&D EVEN tho we were married. No I am the only one hurting.... Some days I really don't know if I can make it through all this. I have 2 boys that need a mom and I dont want to ruin their life but man I'd like to go to sleep and not wake up! I've been suffering for over 7 months now. This is just devastating for me. I want the pain to stop....
Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

jbaysmom

Are you in therapy? If not, you need to find a therapist right away. At the very least, tell your doctor what has happened to you and how you are feeling and thinking. I am very concerned about what you wrote in your comment. You have been through the wringer, but there is a lot of hope for recovery from living with an abusive man. You MUST get help for yourself now. I know you love those kids and you have to do it for them and you.
Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
Hoping2Heal (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Go to therapist twice a week

Go to therapist twice a week and take zoloft and wellbutrin. I dont know what else I could possibly do. Just so very sad. I never imagined we would be here. We took baths together EVERY night, he rent airplane to take me up to watch the sunset over the river, he took me on surprise vacations set up massages and had flowers and candles when I got back. He left me notes every morning, texted me all day, sent me ecards, brought me flowers to work. He kissed me the minute he walked in the door from work even if he had to come find me in the house somewhere. PLUS he was so beautiful! All heads turn when he walks into a room. Looks like he walked right out of GQ...I miss all that. I miss being held and feeling loved. His smile, his laugh, falling asleep in my normal position which was on his chest. Every morning he roll over and hold me so tight thru several snoozes. This sucks!
Oct 14 - 4AM (Reply to #13)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

this was for jbaysmom

Hi, My post before titles OMG was for jbaysmom's previous post. Jbaysmom i was so enthralled with this perfect sounding man that i had to go and find your story. I thought i found it until i read it and in no way did it fit with your post entitles 'go to therapist twice a week' i wouldn't fall asleep on his chest after what i just read in your story, his fangs might be just a bit to close for comfort..........i really mean that. My denial is breaking lately and i hope it stays that way but i'm seeing the devil all around me now i have exposed one.
Oct 14 - 4AM (Reply to #12)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

OMG

OMG i can't believe i just read this now. I think i have moved on a bit. I was going around saying how much my ex did for me and it kept me thinking how great he was and kept me sad for the loss. You have just confirmed to me that this evil in these people is so well disguised. I expect all of these things he did were practical and got attention, like other women would be impressed and think you were lucky. Well today i realised that when i was D&D it was at the most perfect time for him and he got a kick out of the pain i was in as if it was my punishment for doing whatever he thought i had done to him (which was nothing). He ven said to me on the phone 'you are behaving as if i am the one who has done the damage'. You see he knows of another who has damaged me. Now i know that he said that for my confirmation so that he knew he had hurt me just as much if not more than the other person had. I could not believe this before but it is making sense to me. I thought my son and others on here were very cruel to say that he would be so heartless but that is cos i could never do heartless things. I think i'm understanding it now and it's not as bad as i thought. Those things he did were practical. Anyway just think every cuddle and every kiss was securing that you would be there for his needs whatever that was at the time. So it wasn't about a display of affection it was an extraction of your life blood......yikes to fuel him up.......sickos
Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #10)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

jbaysmom

Ok. I'm happy to hear you are in therapy. Now...How long would you like to suffer? Bear with me... We all had that perfect man you mentioned. And like you, we were consumed by what seemed to be, an answer to our prayers. A man so perfect for us. Gave us all his attention and made us feel so wonderful. But thats not the whole story is it? In fact, that's only like 2% of the story. The truth and the rest of the story involves him abandoning us purposefully to hurt and cause pain. He didnt care about us then, did he? Where did that phony beautiful man go who was here just a minute ago and was my dream come true? Right? Tell yourself the truth. Then ask yourself how much more pain you think you'd like to suffer. If you've had enough, you WILL start straightening out your thinking and come out of this fog. If you want to get well, you have to stop speaking about him as if he were real and perfect. Remember that everything you mentioned was an act, played out just to hurt YOU! He doesnt give a shit for you. Never did, never will. It was all a game.A big lie. I want you better, girlfriend!
Oct 14 - 6AM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Why Remember Only the Good Stuff from a Bad Relationships

If you want to get well, you have to stop speaking about him as if he were real and perfect. Remember that everything you mentioned was an act, played out just to hurt YOU! He doesnt give a shit for you. Never did, never will. It was all a game. A big lie. 4joys - you said it perfectly More: http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2007/10/why-you-only-remember-good-stuff-of-bad_01.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
thisisnotfun
thisisnotfun's picture

You have so much to live

You have so much to live for. Stop talking that way. Your boys love you and need you. We need you and support you. :)
Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thisisnotfun

I know what you mean. I too thought i could love him enough to make everything better for him but its never enough. They are a bottomless pit...never satisfied. The gf i was jealous of (the one he had behind my back) said she would give & give (especially money) but it was never enough! This man was never satisfied. He didn't know how to be happy. Its almost like he would look for things to complain about. I would always tell him there was a black cloud over his head. When i'd get mad at him i'd tell him, "everthing u touch turns to shit & i don't want to turn into shit! Lol!
Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
thisisnotfun
thisisnotfun's picture

Ditto. Yes, I look back, I

Ditto. Yes, I look back, I asked him a few weeks into our relationship if he was depressed?? He told me "Not everyone is as happy as you are all the time." He also told me he was under much stress. Geeze, two year of that crap......
Oct 13 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jbaysmom - THE TRUTH

You just told me everything I needed to know about him, do you know that? Here's the TRUTH: We took baths together EVERY night where he used lies, sex and covert coercion to keep my mind reeling and me locked and mind controlled and under his spell he rented an airplane to take me up to watch the sunset over the river as part of his lure to make me think he was the one so I would do anything, say anything and ALLOW anything- just like he did to all his other wives (oops!) he took me on surprise vacations set up massages and had flowers and candles when I got back because he was so afraid I would talk to the exes or those that really KNEW him and find out that I was dealing with a HOLLOW PRETEND PERSON who LIED TO ME FROM "HELLO" TO "GOODBYE" He left me notes every morning, texted me all day, sent me ecards, brought me flowers to work thereby overwhelming my good sense, controlling my time and my thoughts - always thinking about when he'd show up and ran the relationship like a race so I'd overwhelmed with the intensity & love bombing and not be able to think straight. He kissed me the minute he walked in the door from work even if he had to come find me in the house somewhere, again so he completely controlled and dominated my time & personal space. He did this so much I don't know how to be alone with myself anymore. PLUS he was so beautiful! All heads turn when he walks into a room. Looks like he walked right out of GQ...I miss all that; because society taught me having a good looking man is much more important than have a real PARTNER - all of which this predator counts on with every single woman he overpowers. I miss being held and feeling loved. His smile, his laugh, falling asleep in my normal position which was on his chest. Every morning he roll over and hold me so tight thru several snoozes; letting me know I was his property and he was in control... and I was slowly receding until I was nothing but his plaything & puppet. There's your WONDERFUL GUY for you! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.