So now he is SORRY

19 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 5 - 6PM

KeshaN

So now he is SORRY

After my N cheated on me, devalued me, emotionally abused me, blamed me for his cheating, threw the woman up in my face, verbally abused me, and threatened me...now 3 months later he won't stop texting me.

He sent me this message:

i just want to say that
I now see how I hurt you
how i fucked up
how I did you wrong
and i swear I am sorry
and I regret it
im not trying to get you back
It just feels good to finally admit it

I sent him a message telling him I don't believe he is sorry and I don't forgive him but if he was truly sorry to prove it by not contacting me like I have asked

he said:

It don't matter
Im just making peace with myself and God
so I can sleep at night
u don't have to forgive me
or talk to me
Im happy alone
but I do miss you
im not asking anything of you
I just need to get this off of my chest

At this point I know what people say about the N fake apologies but somehow this one seems more real since he is not trying to get me back and he isn't asking anything of me.

Am i being naive again?

#2 Oct 11 - 8PM

Syren66 (not verified)

It's been 14 months since the

It's been 14 months since the exN and I split. Three weeks ago, he walked into a gathering of our mutual friends (a gathering he knew I'd be at) with, how can I put this...a downgrade? No ill intent meant toward her, but c'mon - this girl isn't even close to being in my league physically...and several mutual friends said as much to me. He introduced her to me as his "girlfriend"...I said 'hello' to her, totally ignored him and left...I refused to become embroiled in whatever Jerry Springer outtake he had planned for the evening. Two days later, another text comes from him..."sorry, the other day was sorta weird", followed by a question about my son's upcoming birthday...not only did I not respond to him, I downloaded an app that blocks calls/texts and added his numbers to it immediately. NC from him since, but I do suspect that idiot will rear his ugly head again soon. He is playing you...his mea culpa is totally insincere and he deserves to be flattened by a cross-town bus.

#3 Oct 11 - 4PM

Deidre40

it's called hoovering. thee

it's called hoovering. thee classic quintessential hoovering method is a heartfelt apology. forgiveness comes from a place...where you will eventually get to. it's not good to resent these people, despite how horrible they are. you will eventually forgive, but not because of anything he does or doesn't do. but this is hoovering.

#4 Oct 6 - 5PM

Tigerlily

Hooks, hooks and more hooks!

Your answer was good, no answer would have been better! Next time! ANY response you give makes him feel it`s worth his while trying again - with still more "new" tricks. It only threw you because it was new. But you know something? Those bastards can even change their PHYSICAL APPEARANCE if the way they look doesn`t get them what they want. I`ve seen it. He could be tall, small, fat, thin, Little Boy Lost or Alpha Male at the bat of an eyelid (HIS eyelid, no-one else`s matters). What does he want? FOOD, KeshaN! Specifically, he wants to suck YOUR power, YOUR feeling, YOUR strength, YOUR love, YOUR beauty and YOUR originality, because he has none of his own. And when he`s sucked you completely dry and you`re too weak even to go "ouch" when he hurts you, he`ll dump you yet again. These creatures are vampires and it is a BIG mistake to accredit them with any kind of affinity with human beings! Let him rot and concentrate on you. Thinking of you, Tigerlily

#5 Oct 6 - 5PM

FarmGirl

"I'm happy alone"

No he's not. He's hoping you'll feel sorry for him and open the door just a crack so he can weasel his way back in.

#6 Oct 11 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

Deidre40

lmao exactly. if he were

lmao exactly. if he were happy alone he wouldn't need to tell someone...i'm happy alone. ugh, they're so annoying.

#7 Oct 6 - 2PM

Hunter

Your response just fed the

Your response just fed the vampire!! NO CONTACT means NC ! Ish, you guys.. You must have forgot how it felt crying on the floor in a fetal position after your first D&D! Go back!! Have at it.. I'm not going to stop you!! Life is about choices!! Wow,, what beautiful words... That's exactly it "words" what has he done for you lately ? Hunter

#8 Oct 6 - 8PM (Reply to #13)

KeshaN

i know I should have ignored

i know I should have ignored it but my response wasn't about him it was about me just like his was. It made me feel better to say what I said. To finally stand up to him. If it fed him then I don't care because it made me feel better. im thinking about me. If it makes me feel better to curse him out then that is what I will do. Besides i can never go full no contact. We have 2 small children

#9 Oct 5 - 10PM

Winter

KeshaN

You are not being naive. You are just being human. And you cannot imagine someone saying those words and not meaning them. First of all congrats with your answer. Ok, you broke NC, but then you can resume it. You answer was very firm and strong. Second, someone who is genuine and worthy will not send you those mixed signals: "im not trying to get you back", "but I do miss you". If he is not trying to get you back, why should he now share all his feelings with you? And if he is trying to get you back why not admit it openly. This is whar bother me the most. And they are so alike. The narc I was involved with does the same. They are not real men! Love Winter

#10 Oct 5 - 10PM

Parizade

Even his "apology" is

Even his "apology" is narcissistic. Nowhere do I see him express any concern for you. He is doing this for himself, because he needs to get it off his chest, he needs to make peace with God, he needs to sleep at night. You've told him what you need, which is for him to leave you alone. He obviously doesn't care what you need. It's still all about him.

#11 Oct 6 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

Susan32

He feels sorry for himself...

NOT for what he's done. He should be the one trying to make peace with God, and as for insomnia? Maybe it would be a refinement of his personality to suffer it. It's time HIS needs got scrapped in favor of YOURS. YOU matter more than he does. HIS needs are worth ZERO!!!

#12 Oct 5 - 8PM

really

No, he's not sorry. They

No, he's not sorry. They can't really be sorry like all of us can. He's SAYING he's sorry in a slightly different way to try to get you to respond. See, you've noticed it's a little different and it's making you think twice. THAT was the point. Don't fall for it. He said he "just needs to get it off [his] chest". Well, it's off. And that doesn't require any further communication from either of you. You are simply seeing what you want to see and can't be faulted for that. We've all done it. But, be smart enough now to KNOW to turn away and not fall for it again.

#13 Oct 5 - 7PM

Crazy Train

Ally is right. He's staging

Ally is right. He's staging it perfectly to suck you back in. A real HONEST apology would be in person. At least by phone. Mine text me today that he was thinking about me. I started to cry. I wanted to believe so badly that he really does have feelings, but I know from what I have learned here, that it's not possible. Very sad, but true. Just move forward. As another poster said the other day, think of him as a robot. He is programmed to use you in order for him to survive. He's not a real, feeling human being. It's hard to wrap your mind around that concept (I still can't) but it's true. Their hard wiring is not normal. If you think of him like that, it makes it a bit easier.

#14 Oct 5 - 7PM

Susan32

Who's sorry NOW?

Block, delete, NC. His apologies are so flaccid and not worth it. If he deems you merciless... so what... that's consequences. Make sure his tear-filled apologies get the echo chamber, and total silence from YOU. He's a mere underling who should be groveling&sobbing at your feet IN PERSON.

#15 Oct 5 - 6PM

ally2375

Can you hear that?

Is that the mourning sound of a violin in the distance? Poor, pitiful him! ;) Don't fall for it. Real apologies don't come via text. What exactly is he apologizing for? He hasn't specified a single thing here. He is having a pity party. Let it be a party of one. "this one seems more real since he is not trying to get me back" Um...he wants something, I guarantee you. I know you WANT to believe this is sincere, but this isn't what a real apology looks like. http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/apology.shtml

#16 Oct 5 - 6PM

Crazy Train

KeshaN, He's doing the Pity

KeshaN, He's doing the Pity Play. He's phrasing it to make you think he is just trying to make things right and doesn't want you back, but infact it's just the opposite. This is their way of manipulating you into getting sucked back in again. They are professional mind benders. Stay silent and like Hunter says, DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. I did that today for the first time and it feels great!

#17 Oct 5 - 7PM (Reply to #2)

Redhead1

Stay strong. He is just out

Stay strong. He is just out of supply at the moment.

#18 Oct 6 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

spinning

Yep, Redhead,

Bottom Line. Kesha, don't bite. You don't belong in the recycle bin. Stay strong, stay NC. Do not respond. YOu are giving him supply. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE ME!

spinning

#19 Oct 6 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

Lisa87

We dont belong in the recycle bin! love it!

love that comment spinning! I know I don't want to be recycled!

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