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so long as a victim

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#1 Jul 8 - 8PM
exhausted
exhausted's picture

so long as a victim

I know its been awhile since I've posted. I need to be honest and give an update on my status. I keep close to this site and still read and there are a lot of new people who probably don't know my story but for those of you who do, I want to say thank you for everything. You girls were there for me in my darkest hour. 6 months ago I was a complete mess. My life was turned inside out and I had nowhere to turn. Over the past 6 months I have grown and come to know and love myself more than ever. It was mostly because of this site and all of the wonderful people who have found their way here. Our hearts were broken but we had each other and you girls gave me a strength that I never thought I had. The biggest thing I will take from this is the friendships I have made. Everyone here is beautiful and strong and deserves the best that life has to offer.

Ok, here's the hard part. With all that being said, I went back to him. I know you are all going to tell me it was a bad move and I guess the truth is only time will tell. I will say this though. When he looks at me there is something different in his eyes. There is a different tone in his voice when he speaks to me. I shared this site with him and told him about how you all have helped me. He knows the pain I felt and I see it in his eyes that he won't do it to me again. For those that know me the first question you are going to ask is he still married. The answer is yes. It eats at me but we only just started back up about 6 weeks ago and - don't expect a whole bunch right now. I have to get my life in order before I could be with him anyway. I like to think we are both working on our situations so we can be together in the future.

The truth is I don't know what is going to happen. I am more scared than anything. I'm scared to give him my heart again and look like a fool. I am scared to have to take meds to be normal again. I am scared to have to look at him with hatred in my eyes again. But this is a chance I am willing to take. He is 100 percent worth it. I am scared you girls will hate me for making this decision and scared you won't be there when he hurts me again. This is what I have to do for now. I haven't felt this alive ever before. I know he is all I will ever need and I feel like he won't let me down again.

I still want to be here to help and support everyone here and I hope you will still have me. And I hope you will all support me in my happiness as you have in my sadness.

Hugs and kisses

Jul 10 - 2AM
dudette
dudette's picture

I disagree in principle

with being treated like a fall back plan.... It stinks A bit like when the narc wanted to go off with OW but asked me to "hang around in case it did not work out" Some women on this board work very hard every day of their life not to fall into the trap again. Some grieving and heartbroken, some trying to educate themselves still... What kind of a message is this? You are just undermining all that work and asking them to rescue you in case it does not work out I am sorry but no You are making a decision that I cannot condone or endorse and in all honesty, this is really offensive...and I have to say that I am offended. big time. We are not a fall back plan No more.....
Jul 9 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

EX

The only one that will get hurt really hurt is you! He's not a changed man! That's all I'm going to say, you are addicted to the devil! Your bad decision has been mad! You are about to Learn a very hard lesson! Best of Luck you'll need it! This is the same man who tossed you to the curb 6 months ago for another and oh his wife still exists! Oh and lets not forget you had to see a shrink and pop pills! Sorry Ex what the fuck are you doing? Hunter
Jul 9 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

No Joke Hunter. Hope she has

No Joke Hunter. Hope she has a helmet on cause he is about to drop her from the 25th floor head first. Exhausted "he's 100 percent worth it" Really???? A man who cheats on his wife with multiple women in a six month time frame is 100 percent worth it??? Do me a favor and ask your shrink what he or she thinks about this. I hate to say this but do you really think that you are the "special one" that he has changed his ways for??? No sweets you are not. The man is DISORDERED! What kind of a relationship could you possibly have with this man? you are just the play thing on the side but it doesnt really matter. I was the main one not the one on the side and I still got treated the same.
Jul 9 - 12PM
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Well hey...all the best! Hope

Well hey...all the best! Hope it works out, if it doesn't I'm sure we'll all be here for you. It's not about judgement. Also, our situations though very similar all have unique aspects that we handle differently. ER
Jul 9 - 11AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Exhausted

I am so so scared for you sweets. I remember your story and that guy is a full on Narc. If I remember correctly he was triangulating between you, his wife and yet another woman and discussing all of them with you. horrible. I am sorry sweetie but that is just not normal. It just isnt. He has not changed that drastically in six months. My Narc came back 15 years later and took complete responsibility for what he had done and our break up all those years ago. He said over and over he wanted to make it right. That he was different. That he was an asshole back then but we know what happened. I think you know that this is too good to be true and we know about that saying.... Sweets I wish you would reconsider. This man is married! He is not available to you! People dont just do an about face like this they just dont. Real change takes alot of time and practice. If he had really changed he wouldnt still be trying to hook up with you while he was still married. He would get a divorce and take some time to get himself together and then begin to date you. This is headed for disaster sweetie. I know it feels so good right now but you are going to pay dearly in the end. I think on a subconscious or even a conscious level you know this thats why you posted this. Deep in your gut I think you know. Dont do girl friend. You thought last rounds pain was bad. Each time it gets 10 times worse. I am sorry. Not trying to be harsh. Just truthful. This guy is gonna crush you again. OMG I just remembered this is the same guy that just 4 months ago was running around the office telling you and others how he wanted to win his ex back (not you another ex- and never mind he's already married) and how he was buying her a special valentines day present etc... Do you remember that? IT WAS ONLY 4 months ago. So lets see. He has a wife, he was in love with another woman 4 months ago and now he has turned his life around and knows he loves you. Come on exhausted you know better! Dont fall for this crap. You are better than this. I think you know thats why you posted this. That little voice in you is trying to protect yourself and you are ignoring it. Honey get out of this NOW! He is gonna put you in so much unbearable pain. This little be of happiness and euphoria is not gonna be worth the gut wrenching pain you are gonna be in again.
Jul 9 - 10AM
janine
janine's picture

Be careful about giving your heart

I was not here six months ago, since I was doing my final round with N back then, so I have no idea what had happened between the two of you before. You say you've learnt to love yourself, which is a good thing. Hopefully this will enable you to have strict boundaries. I think most of us understand why you want him back while being scared. "Feeling alive".....hmmm.....I called it "feeding my addiction again" when I decided to let mine back in 6 months after I'd left him. I'd been realistic though what to expect of him for ages and though I had been in love with him, I never wanted him as a partner to live with. Not just because I'm tied in a platonic marriage but because he is a disordered person. N was much nicer, less moody and difficult than before throughout the six months I had him back. The reason I left for good was that there was too much resentment stored up inside of me from what he'd been like for 11 years together. I was simply too aware of what was underneath. He pulled himself together trying hard to please, but I sensed the passive aggression underneath. Like you I felt scared and I felt angry as well. That your guy is married and does nothing about changing it makes me think. Please do not give him your heart again. Hearts are fragile things. You've decided to hang onto him but make sure to keep some inner distance. Make your life, your friends, family, work and interests your focus and see how it goes with him. Deep down you know that N's do not change, they adapt when desperate to hold onto you. Be very, very careful. Do not indulge in wishful thinking about a future for now. Play it as it lays and if/when you have doubts, listen to you feelings. Take good care of yourself.