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Sneering

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#1 Oct 7 - 4AM
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Sneering

I was only thinking about this today, and have not read anything on it, but every Narc I have known SNEERS. It is really weird that they seem the ONLY ones I know that do it. While I may purse my lips when annoyed with someone, I never actually sneer at them, but a Narc always does the whole top lip curl, smug look sneer. Thoughts??

Oct 7 - 10PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Ewww creepy

yes, the sneer, I remember it well. Ick.
Oct 7 - 10PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

thank you SO much for posting this

you wouldn't believe it, but you just completely pulled me out of three days of denail self blame and hell. YES i saw it!! especially when i was in pain, WOW.... he also would mouth things to himself. i have pictures of him sneering at my mom after he devauled her... i also have picture of the reptillian stare. i wish we could get the picture function back up on here so i cold show you guys... so.... the 'sneer' or the reprillian eyes is the mask slipping? really? wow.... can you explain this more?
Oct 7 - 11PM (Reply to #22)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Fierflie

The slipped mask is when they are revealing their superiority, they believe that by devaluing you, it makes them the stronger one, and proves their power over you. It is all designed to break you down. Beating you is the same. We all know how a beaten dog will cower to a raised hand, a Narc knows it better than we do. They can do it with a word, a look and all the tactics they use. Fierflie you have lost your self esteem and continue to blame yourself because he has designed it that way. That is why we can only keep repeating it WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Nobody, and I mean nobody deserves this kind of treatment from another human being, even if they have the best excuses under the sun. Do you see any of us seeking revenge from the damage done to us? No... because no matter how driven to it some of us have been, WE are NOT like THEM.

Nevergoback

Oct 7 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

nancy m

why go to all that trouble to make someone cower, just to throw them away? he used to always in the beggining to 'reassure' me say ' i won't dump you in ten years, don't worry. i would have spent way too much time training you to be good'. i totally thought he was kidding. but i was trained, and he left me anyway. what a shot to my self esteem, yeah. :(
Oct 7 - 9PM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

I know I got sneered at

I know I got sneered at regularly. always made me wonder what was really going on behind those scary dolls eyes. almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 7 - 9PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I agree. Good observation.

I agree. Good observation. My xnh sneered often, too. It really showed his true nature coming out. It was creepy.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Oct 7 - 8PM
tigger73
tigger73's picture

This just truly creeps me

This just truly creeps me out. My exnh did the sneer on a daily basis for the first 5 yrs of marriage. Somehow, I started calling him on it and it lessened. It is just sickening. The part of "it's his mask slipping off" is SO TRUE and just plain creepy. They are vile beasts. How did I do it for all that time? What a moron I was.
Oct 7 - 2PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Yes, the sneer

I've always wondered what that "ive got your number" look was all about. Like he is giving you the once over. He had that expression in a lot of photographs, like he is the cat who ate the canary and got away with it. Douchebag.
Oct 7 - 2PM (Reply to #17)
shortway
shortway's picture

Yep...Ohhhh i wish i could

Yep...Ohhhh i wish i could put this picture up!!!
Oct 7 - 2PM
shortway
shortway's picture

Yep..smirks and sneers....I

Yep..smirks and sneers....I really wish I could show people the picture he put up on facebook..he never puts pictures up..I am glad I did,because he is sneering at the camera..nasty vile look...yuck
Oct 7 - 2PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

the sneer smirk

oh yeah, we know all about the micro sneer smirk he always denies it, which just makes it even more a fact. may a thousand biting fleas infest their ballbags.
Oct 7 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

He used to sneer at me. Get

He used to sneer at me. Get this most disgusted look on his face, genuine disgust and disappointment. It never failed to reduce me to feeling like a two year old that just fingerpainted in her own poop. In the last couple of years I would confront him when he did that. With greater and greater anger. Yep, still reacting, but before that, I felt such terrible shame that I could only cringe. I told him "You talk to me like I'm a dog that peed on the carpet. Do not use that 'dog pee' tone on me again." Which only seemed to delight him, that it bothered me so much. My father is a Narc, and when I was a little girl, he pretty much conditioned me to terrible shame, he was a sneerer too. It's true . . . I hardly ever see "sneering" IRL, at least direct sneering. Some of my less "enlightened" (read: angry and controlling) acquaintances will sneer when they discuss another person, but even they don't sneer directly. In decent society, we don't put each other down like that. Sneering is kind of a taboo behavior.
Oct 7 - 11PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The ex-P is the ONLY person I'd sneer at

The ex-Psych sneered at me when he had me reeling in pain. When I was mourning my grandfather, when he was tearing me to pieces emotionally, when I was asking if he had a companion (male or female, I didn't care), trying to call him to the carpet for how he was complaining to his students about my dating. He sneered ALL THE TIME. My Narc grandmother isn't the sneering sort. My ex-Narc boss would sneer every once in awhile. But Narcs, unlike Psychopaths, HAVE CONSCIENCES. When the ex-P was correcting me, he'd be sneering. Believe me, if I were to see him again, I'd be the one sneering. AT HIM. He fed off of rage and hatred--but not ridicule. So I'd ridicule him. Salt, meet wound. Fragile ego like an abandoned building, meet bulldozer.
Oct 7 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

Narcs, unlike Psychopaths, HAVE CONSCIENCES?

this confuses me. i though the whole idea of being a narc is that they don't? is it just that they don't with the people who can't be supply? how can you tell if they have a conscience?
Oct 8 - 12AM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Some real life examples

It's an important question. The ex-P in your life was DEFINITELY psychopathic in the way he treated you. Violently, without any remorse. Narcissists are more likely to conform to societal mores on right and wrong... that's why prisons tend to be more filled with Psychs (yes, they're also Narcs) than with plain ol' Narcs. My Narc grandmother has a sense of right and wrong. She goes to church, she WANTS to do the right thing. It was behind her conversion in old age. She's able to recognize and validate the happiness of others. She was a real help at my sister's wedding with the decorations. She made a collage of my newspaper articles. She's not completely blind to others. My ex-Narc boss felt repentant (in a sense) for how he treated me. He wants to hire me at a nursing home that'll be opening... whether it's supply or repentance, hard to tell, or combo of both. He may even be the reason I got hired so fast within the 2 weeks he fired me. He was happy when I wrote for the paper. He had hobbies. He enjoyed helping his boyfriend with his antique shop;he enjoyed catering. He DOES think about OTHERS. The ex-Psychopath professor was not at all like that. He wanted to take others down. He couldn't recognize the achievements of others. He had such a hard time coping with other people his parents put him in mental institutions. He was proud of driving his parents and maternal grandmother bonkers. A Narc is able to follow societal rules for the most part. A Psych finds it really difficult.
Oct 8 - 12AM (Reply to #10)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

ok, but my x can act the

ok, but my x can act the ways you describe... he can seem to care about some people, and be happy for them.. just not me. so he's not a pschyco? he just was with me?? :(
Oct 8 - 6AM (Reply to #13)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Yes he can ACT that way, and

Yes he can ACT that way, and he can SEEM to care about some people. That's the whole point, he acts. If he is acting like he cares about someone it's because that person is of some use to him. If you think about all of his relationships with people, you will find they all serve some purpose. It has nothing to do with just being friends and caring about others, there's always an ulterior motive. And when that person is no longer of any use to them "POOF" they're gone. As easy as that.
Oct 8 - 1AM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

He was definitely psycho...

When it comes to the propensity towards violence. He's too dangerous to be a mere Narc. I'd feel safe with my former Narc boss. But NO WAY with the former Psych professor. As my mother said about the ex-P, she was afraid I'd end up being beaten up or dead in a ditch. Your ex-P PRETENDS to have a conscience. It is a facade. That's why he's dangerous.
Oct 8 - 1AM (Reply to #11)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

No he is a Pschyco IMO

He only ACTS happy for others. He does not have to ACT for you because he has you TRAINED. Don't think you only got this treatment because YOu did something wrong. read this http://crime.about.com/od/serial/p/tedbundy.htm

Nevergoback

Oct 7 - 9AM
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Sneers

Yeah... I remember one time in particular when I had gotten so angry and blurted out "eff u!" to him... and he smiled ever so briefly then walked away as if he were so proud. Other times I saw the sneers were when I would be brought to tears... he was always so proud of that one too. (cuz I don't like to cry 'in front of people'). Or, when we went to the lake and he purposly gawked at other women and young girls (he always made sure I saw him doing it) and then would say something about how hot they were... "but don't worry, you're hot too" he would say to me through his proud smile. I had forgotten all about these things... makes me sick to my stomach that I was in that crap for all those years. ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf).

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 7 - 9AM
fedup
fedup's picture

It's not a friendly look.........

...........good observation, Nancy. Also, I've noticed that you can catch a fleeting smirk on their face when they think they've pulled one over on you--but you have to catch it quickly, it's more like a microexpression.. (essentially, it's the mask slipping for a brief moment, allowing us to see their true nature.)
Oct 7 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

microexpression

Yup I was reading up on body language and such and one of the things with liars, is that if they think they have pulled one over on you, their expression will betray it, but only for a microsecond, and we are left wondering if we really saw what we did. Astonishing stuff really.

Nevergoback

Oct 7 - 5AM
jen79
jen79's picture

sneers

so true, I think that is THE hallmark of a narc.
Oct 7 - 4AM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Absolutely true.

Absolutely true.