Sleeping With the Enemy

"You may wonder if what happened to you was bad enough to be called abuse. If you have to ask that question, it probably was. If you cannot remember large parts of your life, it almost certainly was. "I am sorry you have to read this on the internet. These things are better dealt with face-to-face. The effects of violence are best helped by different and more positive experiences with people. This is hard to do when you are looking for help on your own. "Take your time reading this. Use whatever parts seem helpful in your situation. Be patient with yourself. It will take time and work, but you can feel better. Take care, Joe Parker, RN" *************** WHAT DOES POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER MEAN? Post is the Latin word for "after". Trauma is the German word for "nightmare", but in English, it is used for any kind of injury, physical or psychological. Stress is a force that changes the shape of things (including people). Disorder refers to things that are a problem in a person's life now. To understand PTSD, it is necessary to tell two stories. Once upon a time, several blind men wanted to understand about elephants. An elephant was brought to them, and they all approached it from different directions. One felt the tail, and said "an elephant is like a rope"! Another found a leg, and said, "no, an elephant is like a tree trunk". A third walked into the side of the elephant, and said, "really, an elephant is like a wall . Others found the ear, the trunk, a tusk, and each felt his part of the elephant was the real elephant. Each blind man was right about his part of the elephant, but none of them really understood about elephants. The story of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is similar. PTSD was first recognized after the American Civil War. Doctors noticed that some soldiers who had been in heavy combat complained of having attacks of fast heartbeat, chest pain, difficulty breathing, and fear that they were dying or going crazy. The symptoms were similar to heart attacks. Not having the scientific equipment to investigate further, they assumed the attacks were a form of heart disease. They called it "soldiers' heart". We now know the attacks are not heart disease. They result from rushes of adrenalin, triggered by bad memories or nightmares. A few years after the war, most people forgot about the problem, but the part of the elephant they had found was real. This seemed similar to what happened in many brain injuries. It was thought that the concussions of the shells caused tiny spots of bleeding in the brain. They called it "shell shock". Eventually, a lot of autopsies were done on soldiers who had died of other causes, and no such bleeding was found. It was recognized that the symptoms resulted from extreme stress, not brain damage. It also became clear that there is no such thing as a stress-proof person. Certainly some people break before others, but with enough stress and enough time, everybody breaks. They had another part of the elephant. After World War II, it was assumed (never investigated, just assumed) that symptoms of traumatic stress went away in 6 months or a year, after the war was over. They were greatly mystified at the large number of alcoholics who came out of that war. Only after the Vietnam War did it become clear that PTSD symptoms could appear at any time, during or after the war. The symptoms could go on, better or worse from time-to-time, all of a person's life. The severity of the symptoms is influenced by how much emotional support a person has available during and after trauma. Survivors of child abuse and domestic violence are more severely affected because family or friends, who normally would provide support, are the perpetrators of the violence. In the late 1970's feminist writers began publicizing the fact that far more child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic violence were occurring than previously admitted. Studies began to reveal that domestic violence is a problem in about 25% of all families, regardless of race, religion, income or education. About 16% of all girls and 8% of all boys are sexually abused before the age of 18 years. Rapes reported to the authorities may represent less than 10% of those that actually occur. About 10% of the adult population is alcoholic. Inclusion of other abusable substances may raise the figure to double that. Very few people are directly involved in wars, but most people have a family. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is now an official diagnosis in the diagnostic and statistical manual. Consciously or unconsciously, the brain remembers everything. Trauma really happens, and it changes who you are. You cannot seriously hurt human beings and expect them to forget it and be alright afterwards. People who have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder often worry about whether they are "crazy". The word "psychotic" (or crazy) usually means experiencing or believing things that are not real: being "out of touch with reality". People with PTSD have essentially the opposite problem. They are in too much contact with reality, and in contact with realities that most people have the privilege of not knowing about. It is just as possible to be sick from too much contact with reality, as from not enough. That is the whole elephant. **************** The official definition of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder includes a combination of the following: 1. An extreme, painful experience, which would be severely stressful for almost anyone. 2. Continuing psychological "re-runs" of the events, including: 1. frequent thoughts and memories about what happened, even when trying to avoid them. 2. repeating nightmares about the trauma. 3. suddenly feeling or acting as if the events were happening again (flashbacks). 4. strong, painful feelings set off by things which are in some way related to what happened. 3. Ongoing attempts to avoid memories and feelings by: 1. becoming generally numb to everything, by cutting off most feelings, both good and bad. 2. avoiding activities or situations which may bring back memories and feelings. 3. loss of large areas of memory about past life. 4. loss of interest in things most other people care about, feeling different and cut off from other people. 5. lack of any sense of having a future. 4. Continuous extreme physical alertness, including: 1. constantly watching for signs of danger, with "startle responses", and trouble sleeping. 2. trouble concentrating on business in the present world. 3. irritability, outbursts of anger, lashing out. 4. physical reactions similar to what happened during past trauma (tremors, sweating, nausea etc.) 5. These symptoms continue for more than a month and can begin anytime from immediately to years after the trauma to being permanent. FOR MORE: http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/07/ptsd-as-trauma-disorder-not-psychiatric.html for me, after Psycho-Boy symptoms I'd had at various times of my life became permanent. Non-stop vomitting, fainting or feeling faint, feeling out of my body, nightmares (not always about the abuse), numbness emotionally & sometimes physically, crying, anxiety attacks, teeth grinding, blurred vision, startling easily, heart palpitations, shaking, feeling unusually cold or hot, hearing people but not understanding a word they were saying, panic attacks and repetitive behaviors. I developed fibromyalgia and atypical MS in 1995 - probably from repressed abuse for years - this got much worse after it all blew up in 2004. I spent 10 days in a clinic being treated with enforced rest and figuring out what meds worked best for me. Psycho-Boy says I was stalking and harassing him during this time... LOL - I wasn't even in the same STATE!

while exNH was fine the first 7-8 years of our marriage (and 2 years living together) he slowly stopped initiating. then he would say kissing, touching, sex was "wierd." WIERD was his big word. He hates porn and anything sexual. He even bragged to his doctor that he hasn't masturbated in years - because only "sick people" masturbate. if I did try to initiate (once or twice a YEAR) he would call me a nympho & a sex fiend. During sex he would say I disgusted him because I "enjoyed it too much." I hadn't had sex with him for over 5 years when Psycho-Boy came on the picture and we'd been separated for 3 years by then. Later exNH tried to sue Psycho-Boy for "marital inference." The judge thru the case out saying exNH was the abusive one, probably 'drove me to seek relief outside the marriage' and was guilty of 'MARITAL ABANDONMENT." exNH is still trying to find a way to sue Psycho-boy civilly. He refuses to see that this ICE MAN behavior is unnatural and twisted. He even told our kids to "ask mommy what a whore is." When I told people we no longer had sex they thought I was kidding. It was so embarrassing. For years I thought I was the only one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/