Signs you are getting better...

The sense of relief is huge now, a year after the N lied about the other woman to me (and about me to her) while he tried to two-time us. I look back on that year with sheer relief that I'm not as desperate and wracked with grief as I was then. At the time, I felt sick to my stomach, couldn't eat or sleep, lost weight, called help-lines when I felt overwhelmed (which was every other day), and even went to therapy. It was hell. Working with the N only made it worse. I watched him hook up with her and still try to conceal it all from me. All the while, he played typical N headgames like timing his interactions with us so as not to overlap, growing cold with me when I stopped talking to him, and throwing mini-temper tantrums when I didn't buy his stories. Like other people here, I'm still triggered. He still plays games, and I find I'm bothered by his over-attention or lack of attention (but that need for validation on my part is decreasing every day). As with many of you here, the process of separating from him and regaining myself has been long and slow. But it goes along....I've started to laugh again, to concentrate on my job, to enjoy a moment or an hour or even a day and realize that I didn't think about the ex-N at all. Before, I couldn't get him out of my head. When people hurt you that badly, it is an assault on the body, mind, and spirit. Your self-esteem plummets, and you are on shaky ground the whole time because an N always has to have the upper hand and win. The sheer magnitude of the effect it had on me makes me realize how awful the whole thing was. Now I'm in control and go about my day with little concern for what he is doing. He knows he can't manipulate me the way he did before. Feeling better is the best feeling in the world.

This is great news, ladies! So happy to hear about your progress. Thanks for sharing! xoxo

Here's a sign. I just had a meeting with my boss, exactly 1 month to the day that he almost fired me. Exactly 1 month ago I was running to the stairwell crying, trying to figure out how I was going on get over what had happened to me. Today in our meeting he told me that my distraction is gone and I am turning in much better work. He is impressed with my improvements and wants to meet with me again in another month to see how I've imroved even more. I'm so happy today. I am over that asshole!!!!

you are making progress. Laughter and a sense of humor are huge gifts. For me one of the biggest signs at almost 5 months NC is my ability to sleep. For the past month or so I have been able to fall asleep like a normal person without any meds; something that wasn't possible when I was with the disordered one. This is huge, as it was a problem for years. My co-worker commented last week that he can see that "I'm coming back to life," which is interesting, and encouraging! It's not that I've done anything specific, it's just a general change in attitude, in engaging with others, etc. Whatever it is, it feels GOOD. Feeling GOOD was something I lost touch with...didn't realize til now just how far I'd gotten from that feeling! :} Thanks for staring this thread, Hope. I send the good vibes for more progress and healing. sincerely (finally stopping) spinning

I noticed I am being friendlier to people during the day and not so concerned with myself. Giving good vibes begets good vibes so my days are happier (plus winter is over - yeah!). Still not laughing as much but I just feel more normal even in my grief - its now more of a normal grieving type sadness which is a HUGE improvement over zombie like shock and disbelief...I do not feel like a walking ghost anymore. I am looking ahead...

I find that I check this board less and less already. I'm living life. Unless, I'm triggered. Then, I come here. As opposed to dwelling, or worse yet, breaking NC. 32 days today. That has to count for something.

This is great, Be careful not to overeat. When we feel better we like to eat.Im fighting off 10 pounds post Narc. Its Pissing me off. UGH!! Idealk

That's great news! Having laughter back is HUGE. They may bring us down, but somehow we always manage to get the hell back up. They can't steal "us" from us forever. I am happy you're laughing again! That was my biggest sign of getting better, too. I always laugh and joke around and when my friends told me that the "fun staying strong" was back....it spoke volumes to me:) Other signs I found were that I WANTED to go out and be around people again, wanted to be at work, wanted to try new things, wanted to get dressed up and do my hair. Sounds like you are getting back to the person you were before, a STRONGER version of the old you:) xoxo