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Showering me with kindness

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#1 Dec 6 - 10PM
PhoebeR
PhoebeR's picture

Showering me with kindness

Ok, something odd is happening and I need some guidance.

As some of you know, I am married to a N, we are separated but living in the same house till i file for divorce and get the home finances in order. So, i went home to see my family for thanksgiving. He stayed in our house. While i was gone he made his own Thanksgiving meal, which is odd since he does not cook. Then, get this, he proceeds to tell everyone on his social networking page about it and post pictures of the meal. Odd. And he is being really nice to me, cleaning the house, for the 9 years of our marriage i can count the number of times he helped me clean on one hand. Today, he not only ran the dishwasher but emptied it. First time i have ever seen him do that. He seems to be doing all this nice stuff for me. Whats up with all this?

Dec 8 - 2PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Showering with Kindness

Don't fall for it. He's trying to suck you back in & to make you stay. My N was chronically late for dinner, etc. When I told him it was over, he was suddenly on time for dinner, early, & even making dinner. Don't fall for that crap. Also, be very careful I don't know how pathological your N is. But mine became so fragmented & disorganized when he figured out that he was losing control over me. I was very, very scared. I could/should have dialed 911 on some nights. You see: I thought we could be like normal, urban professionals separating in a tight housing market. Hang a little until I found a place to live. I do not think that there is any normal or civilized way of leaving a person who truly suffers from NPD. I was advised that just disappearing while he was at a conference abroad was too cruel (true for normal people). I should have done that. Leaving with him in the house was so awful. Really, really awful. Be careful. Make sure you move FAST & have some very BIG men with you. No discussions. I wouldn't even tell him. The movers show up one day & BAM -- you're out of there. Leave your lawyer's phone number & address. And get a P.O. Box. Mine was so awful in the end I escaped with just a few items to a girlfriend's house. I was so terrified of his unstable behavior. He changed the locks. It took me 3 1/2 months to get back into the house I am a co-owner of. He always had reasons why I could not get in to get my stuff. When I finally was permitted access, all my possessions had been gone through. Many precious & sentimental items broken. You see, according to my N, I had left my things there too long . . . he was "tormented" by my possessions. A sadist. I never got him out with an RO because I was too nice. Also, I was too scared of him. If I had charged him with assault & battery, & threats to commit crimes, he would have assassinated my character in court. He was that type.
Dec 6 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hoovering

that's called HOOVERING it's a classic abuser move: While this article deals with BPD - Hoovering is EXACTLY The same with Narcs. Exactly: http://www.bpd411.org/hoover.html ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 7 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

He was threatened by your

He was threatened by your being away from him on the holiday and is acting to hook you into the relationship again. Tie up those loose ends and move out as soon as possible.