The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



Should you blame the Other girl?

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#1 Nov 16 - 9PM
Godhasaplanforme
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Should you blame the Other girl?

I find myself absolutely repulsed and disgusted by the other girl. I hate the thought of her, mainly because I knew she knew we were dating and continued to talk to him and fall for his charm.

Regardless of how much I liked the narc at that time I would never steal someone elses love interest.

Should I consider her nothing but a prey like myself or is it normal to attribute some of the blame to her too?

Nov 18 - 4AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

There are two different types of ow

honestly, as bad as the ow in my case was, I can say with sincerity, there are innocent ow, who have no idea, who are sucked in by grand lies and made up scenarios. those woman, i find are total victims. men tell tall tales of horrible lives with their wives and how they are separated and their wives are cruel horrid creatures who dont love them, cheat on them,ect... thats for sympathy, and no the ow can never be at total fault, because it is the man who broke his vows, he was the one who stepped outside the marriage, but like i said it takes two to tango, and in my case, which i suspect is very rare, i dont believe there are many women, like my hN' whore, who go as far as she did, the blatant arrogance and mean spirited cruelty toward me, someone she didnt even know, was so uncalled for, and to this day, i do blame her, but only to an extent, but i know deep in my heart karma will kick her in the ass, way harder than she would ever imagine. her life with him is no picnic, trust me, he rages more than ever now, hes not as charming everyday as he used to be, and guess what, he cheats on her like there is no tomorrow, but she wont let him go, she holds on for dear life, as she is already completely brainwashed, totally. when he d and d's her believe me, she will know karma. and i wont feel bad in the least, not for her, when i tell all of you, how mean she was to me, i cant even express the cruelty, she fought so hard to have my husband, that she stooped to levels i couldnt even imagine in my darkest nightmares. but honestly, as f ed up as my situation is with the ow, i still believe there are so many ow who are total victims and i have complete sympathy for, and i mean that with my heart and soul, and those woman, i pray for, because they didnt do it with cruelty, and meant no harm to other women. so if any of you, my friends here, were the ow, i know in my heart you were sucked in and i love you no matter what........i just know you didnt do anything to hurt another person, not intentionally, i feel that in my heart..........xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

Nov 17 - 10PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I'm absolutely repulsed and

I'm absolutely repulsed and disgusted xnh's OW as well. She's married to someone, other than xnh, who apparently does not know about the affair. She may (or may not) be his next victim. Personally, I hope OW turns out to be a barracuda and xnh gets what he deserves (hey, I can dream. lol). However, that's all OW's problem now for sleeping with xnh. Literally, she made her own bed. Now she'll get to lay in it...whatever the consequences. When it comes to my xnh and his cheating, HE is the one that I hold to blame. It was his choice to take his little, infantile knob out of his diaper. Whether or not OW was willing, does NOT change that xnh knew that he was buffing the silver where he shouldn't. The person that I'm MOST disgusted and repulsed by is xnh. IMO, he's a complete waste of space. Meanwhile, I'm divorced from him and MY life will be much happier without xnh and his abusive behavior. OW, on the other hand, is stuck with him. rofl.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #83)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Im sorry but Im peeing my

Im sorry but Im peeing my pants!!! Buffing the silver, infantile knob!! ahhaha Im dying this is just hysterical! only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #77)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

MystWoman

OMG, I'm laughing so hard right now! It was his choice to take his: "little, infantile knob out of his diaper" and he was: "buffing the silver where he shouldn't" I seriously cannot stop laughing. Thank you! I needed this! :) LMBAO
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #78)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

You're very welcome, Lisa!

You're very welcome, Lisa! lol.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #79)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

MystWoman

I'm still laughing! You rock! :D
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #80)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Thanks guys! To quote my

Thanks guys! To quote my sister, "I guess the entertainment has arrived." lol.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #82)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

OMG! I LOVE THAT - 'I guess

OMG! I LOVE THAT - 'I guess the entertainment has arrived' I am going to use that forever. Your sister is a real gem. almostlydia

almostlydia

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #81)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

MystWoman

Your sister is right!!! LOL
Nov 17 - 9PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

I agree with Lisa. This

I agree with Lisa. This topic is way out of control. We have left earth and are drifting into the ozone. Reality check - It makes no difference who the other party is that the narc has taken interest in. It makes no difference what the others parties role is. It makes no difference if they are a willing and active participant or if they are clueless. This information is useless to us. It no longer bares a second thought because it serves no purpose in healing. The bottom line is that the N made a choice to engage in behavior that is consistent with the disorder. The N is being a N. He is the one that acting out. He is the one that has brought you to this board. He is the one that has pushed your sanity to the brink. His behavior, his actions and his abuse. It makes no difference who he has chosen to trap into his vicious cycle of abuse. The OW, OM, Strictly platonic, FWBs, hookers, etc.... WHO CARES. The bottom line is he has acted out, as all personality disordered individuals do. You were involved with a Narcissist lets never forget what that encompasses. He could have been involved with a goat for all I care and they both could have enjoyed it. The bottom line is displacing blame on others for what this individual has done to you serves no purpose, proves absolutely nothing, will not fix the outcome or validate your fragile feelings. But the one thing it does is stop the process of recovery. Being the OW may not be in line with your morals and thats OK. But that's a personal choice and not for discussion on this forum. They have forums for infidelity to discuss this issue. This is not what we are about here. We discuss life and trauma in living with the personality disordered. Listen to Lisa because everything she is telling you is right on spot. Let get back on track. Make your amends if you have offended anyone and get back to the order of business. We have a lot of work to do as I can see from this discussion tonight. Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #74)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

I agree Betty, Are you going

I agree Betty, Are you going to keep blaming the Goat? It is not the goat, it is the N who allowed the goat in your life. That's all. almostlydia

almostlydia

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #75)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Its so typical of an N

like I said look at all the discord they cause and then they just walk out on the mess they create and leave us to battle eachother and they sit back and watch. They dont even have to be in a conversation or a room with you. Its their energy. NOW .... its back to psychic chord cutting for me and my sword is flying!
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #59)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Exactly

It could have been a goat!!!! LMAO
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #73)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

As a Capricorn

this goat discussion is Triggering me!!!...LOL
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #60)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

oh shit

I'm going to go check my goats . . .
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #68)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Ok Michele & Briseis....

now you have me doubled-over in laughter! Triggering goat discussion for Michele and Goat Alert for Briseis!!!!
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #69)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

The goats are fine

. . . and baaAAAAHHhhhh means NO!!
Nov 17 - 11PM (Reply to #70)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Briseis

Oh Phew! So glad your goats are ok! LOL
Nov 18 - 9AM (Reply to #71)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Im just curious

Im just curious Brisis.....how would you check for that on a goat??? only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Nov 18 - 3PM (Reply to #72)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Betty

Oh I just ask them, they tell me everything. I also look for, say, a half dozen roses, chocolates laying around the pen. Jewelry I know they didn't have before. Stuff from Victoria's Secret. Oh, and finding dead bodies buried in the foot deep mud and a bunch of pissed off billy goats standing around the body would also clue me in :)
Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #61)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

We are officially on goat

We are officially on goat alert! only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #66)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

The 40 year old virgin

"Why do you always go tell me to fuck a goat" :D
Nov 18 - 9AM (Reply to #67)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

ahahahhahhah only one way to

ahahahhahhah only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #62)
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Calling for an all out animal alert!!

Now that you have mentioned goats...Mr. N really liked it whenever I would wear my cat ears and tail (even when it wasn't halloween). So I think you will at least need to add cats to the alert list. Oh..and he did have a strange fascination with Catherine the Great. Horses anyone??
Nov 18 - 6AM (Reply to #64)
sickandtiredofit
sickandtiredofit's picture

OMG - true goat story about N

We went to a petting zoo and he kept on staring at a goat and the feeling was mutual. Before we left he went back to said goat and whispered, "You got a pretty mouth." I think the line is from the movie "Deliverance." So yep, they will even charm goats!
Nov 18 - 6AM (Reply to #65)
Ava
Ava's picture

Uh oh. The Men Who Stare at Goats....

Your N hadn't just read Ronson's book or seen the movie & thought he'd test his powers....?!! Oh I'm having such funny visual images now....!! :) Ava

Ava

Nov 17 - 10PM (Reply to #63)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

TNR1

LOL - Catherine the Great! Good reference. Oh, definitely have to include cats in this alert!!
Nov 17 - 7PM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

women

I think anyone who was unlucky to be involved with the narc whether you're the OW, wife or married woman having an affair w/ narc - we should stick together and support each other. Again it seems to be all about him. He is a predator and we should do everything we can to be free of him. Seriously, be thankful happy you are no longer with him.
Nov 17 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I've been them all!

the victim, the other woman, the "comitted relationship" with the same narc Its all the same. It just doesnt matter. They just hurt people no matter what label. Its their fault. Look at the crap the Narcs can stir up and they dont even have to been the room or participate in a conversation.
Nov 17 - 8PM (Reply to #56)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

And for Emphasis I second....

Its all the same. It just doesnt matter. They just hurt people no matter what label. Its their fault. Look at the crap the Narcs can stir up and they dont even have to been the room or participate in a conversation.