Should I write him a letter?
Should I write him a letter?
This weekend has been hard. On Friday my ex-N defended his thesis. That was a day that we both had been dreaming of for a long time. I had so many plans. I felt like it would be my day too, since I have been so involved in the whole process, helping him, listening to him, supporting him in every way. I really wanted to be there. But instead it was his new girlfriend that got to be there, watching his dream come true.
This autumn has been so long. It´s felt like a lifetime. But I was talking with a friend the other day, and realized that it´s not been three months yet. It´s not even three months since he walked out of my life, leaving me broken.
I haven´t spoken to him since that last night, except for a few words when he came for his things a few weeks after that. He has sent me two letters. The first contained his thesis and the receipt for the broken dvd-player. The second (that I recieved only a few days ago) the 10-year guarantee for the suitcase that he gave me for my birthday a few days before he left. The first time he wrote me an impersonal note, ending it with something along the lines of "Have a nice life". The other time he didn´t even bother with a note.
I know that he meant to seem thoughtful, but it only made me angry. Because it doesn´t cost him anything to send me those things. Not even a stamp since he sent it from work. Being thoughtful would have been to not abandon me a few weeks after a miscarriage. Being thoughtful would have been to pick up a phone to call me and check if I was okay, or if I had had to have an abortion to remove the last remains of our baby. But that would have been uncomfortable. That would have cost something.
Now to my question. I have refrained from contacting him in any way. I haven´t answered his letters, and when he was here to get his things I slammed the door in his face when he wanted to talk. I know that it was the right thing to do, because he´s a master of manipulation. I can´t win a discussion with him. He can twist reality, and makes me feel like I´m in the twilight zone. The night he broke up with me it actually ended in me apologizing for not understanding his need to be unfaithful!
So I guess it´s good that I haven´t contacted him. But I hate the idea of him getting away with it so easily. I know that he has rationalized everything. That he has told his friends and collegues that our split was mutual. I think he actually has made himself believe that too. And now he´s got his brand new phD, and are leaving for Hong Kong in a few days for a new job with his new girlfriend. I want him to hurt! I want him to know what he did to me, and I want to tell him exactly what he is and what I think of him. So I´ve been writing a letter. But should I send it? He probably won´t give a damn, but at least it would be a way for me to getting all this stuff off my chest. Maybe it would get me some kind of closure.
Or maybe I just want to write to him because I´m hurting. Because I miss him and want him to respond in any way. That´s also true. So I would really appreciate some advice here. Will it only make it worse if I send him the letter? Or could it help me putting an end to all this in my own mind?
Thanks all of you. I won´t
You have so much to feel sad
OMG
Journey on...
Briseis
Posted before seeing the others
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Yes, thank you.I am glad I
Deidre
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A Letter is like a boomerang
Lina, don't bother. Nothing
Oh sweetheart ,lord know i
I'm so sorry for your
You are right
Lina S...me too
Aceonelady
I've decided now!
Journey on...
Lina