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shortway's story

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#1 Sep 29 - 1PM
shortway
shortway's picture

shortway's story

So for the past 1.5years I have done so much for my narc.Let him live in my home when he didn't have a place,cooked for him,let him borrow money,helped him through pill addiction,always took care of him,everything..It started him one time calling me a B+++ early on.The sign was there.He told me he was going to show me that wasn't him.Yet right,fast forward to a year later..I was going away on business and all of a sudden he is "busy",not calling etc..I understand he was anxious because my ex lived in area where my business trip was..So I threw him a semi-bone...So I call him one night and he says"I'm on a "date"..Has nerve to tell me,I didn't believe him.So I said I'm coming up there.I went there and banged on the door.I could hear the tv and I heard a girl purposely laughing to be heard.I heard him say shhh...I know what I heard.He played it off as if it was the tv and he was trying to sleep..Then he came clean after a week..At this point he would yell,scream,at me if I contacted him,saying I asked you to 'back off a little"..Yeah ok..We would talk 24/7..Nice try N...So I left for my business trip..ripping him up about it..Do you beleive I gave him a chance after that night.BIGGEST MISTAKE GIRLS..not with a N...He ate it up..Turned it all around on me saying "he wouldn't forgive me for it""it will never be the same"..Is he for real?..So being I had a big heart,I said we could get over it,he wouldn't..He proceeded to belittle me,call me names,try to ruin my business trip..I was ordering room service because I was so upset in my hotel,I was even shaking in 90degree weather.The N completely ate up I was giving him a second chance..He said he would never apologize for calling me what he did..Why because the self-absorbed,selfish,N,couldn't apologize,couldnt look within himself..Now understand I was weak,self-esteem down because of the girl there..So I was taking all the shots from him..he asked me to let it go,when I did,he wouldn't let it go.It was this twisted game of control..The nicer you are to an N the worse they are to you!!!..I've tried many avenues,nothing will work with an N..Until I finaly said'He has to be kidding"..We've had problems and maybe I was to blame for bringing up my ex before I went..but..who could ever hurt someone further while they are down..So he is now in a "relationship"with that girl on FB..He says to me"Don't email me because I don't want her to get upset''..I finally emailed and said"You have nerve putting me through so much pain and you care if someone off the street gets upset..It is like a boxing match with a N..He will hit you,hit you,but one day the trick is to get the heck up when he is turned around and deliver him a Knock out blow THEN do the NC..Thats what I did,I served him with a pciture of the guy I'm seeing,saying at least he is goodlooking and I would never sell you out for him like you did me..I said"we are not friends",we are not acquaintances,i want nothing to do with you,unless you have some revelation(the weak part in me)..I have had access to their fb page,and I think it might be time to not watch anymore..I was so curious on who it was,now i know she is disgusting..But an N just wants someone to follow them,obey them,..But women we are not these women..We are strong women!They don't like that!!..We must get our power back!..And not give them the women they want..they tried turning us into "that woman"..Because of his cheating,I have been told I am bipolar,ugly,stupid,I've been belittled,he has even told me he reads my personal emails to his friends..He says I need help.yeah right!!Guess who's coming back???The REAL ME..The NC is hard..I had a few days under my belt,but had to empower myself one last time by sending the picture..now I will go full-force NC..NC is hard...I need your strength and words:0thanks...

Sep 30 - 6AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Shortway....

You said: Because of his cheating,I have been told I am bipolar,ugly,stupid,I've been belittled,he has even told me he reads my personal emails to his friends..He says I need help. You must be the girl the NARC cheated on me with because I heard this word for word myself! But I know he loved me more than you because he added to that: "My friends think I'm crazy to be with you!" Nice to meet you...LOL
Sep 30 - 5AM
tica
tica's picture

shortway

I feel your anger and I feel your strength, this is good because you are going to need to focus on these two things while in NC...it is easy to fall back on the "what ifs" and the "if onlys" good for you for giving it back to him...you are right, the nicer you are to them, the more they take advantage...then they turn it around on you..it's a ride that i and I'm sure you are happy to be off! Stay strong with the NC, it's a bizarre emotional withdrawal that friends/family don't understand unless going through it, we are all here for you, the longer you stay away, the more he will try to lure you back in, for nothing more than to draw you in to bring you up close and slap your face! the player has been played!! time to reject the rejector and be happy that you do have a big heart and are capable of love and loyalty..the N can not do this, they just immitate a normal relationship, but it doesn't last long, they get bored..so glad you are out of it and free...life is so much more peaceful without them/
Sep 30 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
shortway
shortway's picture

Thanks you, I have posted on

Thanks you, I have posted on the message board...He has replied to me....in a FB email calling me fat,and nasty and all this..everyone is saying to maintain NC..that it will make him more angry.It's hard,I will do it and block him
Sep 30 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Do it for yourself

He's being a bully. Block him. Go ahead, make him more angry. He deserves to suffer. NC is the way to go.
Sep 29 - 3PM
shortway
shortway's picture

Yes,get as many normal

Yes,get as many normal people in your life as possible..It will then be like ok there are 20 normal people versus you the abnormal one..hmm it must be you...Because when we are questioning ourselves we start to think for a second back then,like since it's only us two,maybe he is right..NOT!!...Yes,I also have a friend that is going through this too...I'm done..I see the light...I think its helped me see what the girl looks like,how old she is,what he writes to her..Just shows he is still sick..How after 3 weeks of seeing someone can you put on FB you're in a relationship and be jealous of her going away..thats strange to me...he just wants someone to control and it won't be me...praise the lord..
Sep 29 - 2PM
janine
janine's picture

The real me is back

This is exactly what I feel. Whenever I was with my ex, a big part of me was not there. The moment I left his house I felt free to be myself again. Now I am that 24 hours a day, same as you are and hopefully all the others here will be soon. To think he read your emails to his friends. They must be a lot like him or they would have told him off. It is GREAT you got out, and thanks for posting this.
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
shortway
shortway's picture

Yes they are,and in

Yes they are,and in fact..this only started to get worse when he was starting a new job with some new friends..these men have about 1,000 women on facebook as friends..they degrade women by going to strip clubs..so yes all of a sudden he became like them,more..yes he read them..He even did so knowing I am friends with all the women in the one friend's family..trying to embarass me further..But little does he know,and I made it clear,those women have my back,they know the REAL story..so it will never work..The one said"you dont have to be embarrassed,we know the real story..They said he should have been happy for you with your new job,.,he wasnt he tried to destroy it and me..Happy.hahaha..yeah right..Not a N
Sep 29 - 2PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

shortway

I'm glad you shared your story and hopefully getting it out in writing helps to see what he was. It sounds like your N is very similar to mine. Cheating and belittling seem to be quite the trend with the N's I'm afraid. I know I no longer want to be with my N only because I don't want to wonder where he is or who he is with. It's so wrong to deal with how they belittle us make us feel like children. These are not normal men and we shouldn't be putting up with any of the crap they want to dish us. They are emotionally empty and will never give us what we want. I'm glad you are here and I hope you get stronger each day. Happy1
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
shortway
shortway's picture

Thank you happy!!..I am

Thank you happy!!..I am lucky I have other men in my life as friends and they are good men for years they have been my friends and they are showing me how sick he really is..They are not well human beings..Do you have people in your life who can set good examples for you of what is normal right now and what isn't?that helps..
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I actually do not have

I actually do not have normal men in my life. I've pretty much stopped talking to everyone in my life but 1 girlfriend but she is experiencing the same exact thing and has an N in her life. I keep telling her what we are doing is so not normal. Maybe I will meet some people at my new job that will show what normal is again. I'm glad you have that in your life and I hope it's a speedy recovery for you. I guess speak with them as much as you can if you ever need reassurance and also us here. It's nice to have friends here that won't judge us for what we think or what we do.