Shift

I am about 5 weeks NC. This is huge for me. Never thought I would get here! Thanks to this board and everyone here, though, I've managed to make it this far. I realized this morning this has been by far the longest feeling of calm I have experienced since starting a friendship with the narc almost 2 years ago. It has been horrible!

BUT- I have finally experienced a shift in my feelings. I FINALLY get that this is about ME and I have work to do on myself. I am seeing the parallels between my relationship with him and the dynamics of my childhood family situation. At first I thought "so"? I can see how there are similarities with my relationship with him, and with my relationship with my mother. I can see how shame on MY part played into this (I always though he was the one with the shame issues...). But so what??

Well, seeing that takes the power away from him and the situation. I know am facing the unpleasant task of facing all of my demons. All of my shame and feelings of worthlessness that allowed me to take part in such a destructive relationship.

As unpleasant and painful as that is, at least it's MINE. I own it. I can face it. I can be a better person for it. It seems to me that he hard work starts NOW. That's ok. I'm finally ready.