Shaking today after even talking about the P/Narc

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#1 Nov 14 - 11PM

Amazed

Shaking today after even talking about the P/Narc

An aquaintance today asked me about the psychopath/N today. I don't even like to talk about it, he wanted to know some details about the relationship for some reason, and began asking me questions. "What tipped you off about him" and "how long ago was this" and "how did you deal with it"...I haven't spoken to ANYONE about the whole incident,,,it was so devastating, almost crushed my world, and took oave 18 months to recover and feel like I am still in recovery.

I became very scared just even talking about this predator. I began sthaking, and felt sad that he was asking me questions to try and "remeber".

Have you been through this, is it best not to talk to "other" people about it..I feel now like even talking about the experience is very unproductive and upsetting.

Is it best just not to talk to anyone about it? I feel I can offer more support to others regarding them, rather than discussing the hurt, that is more productive. Your insignts would be most welsome!

#2 Nov 15 - 6AM

Used

amazed

When people USED to ask me about exn, I would say I don't want to talk about it, if they persisted i would say, if you mention him again, or if you are that interested go ask him, my final retort to a couple of people[one of who was suppose to be my best friend,narc women I then relized] I told her to fuck off and not come near me again.....these people are either nosy, fishing ,or just plain snooping, like you I used to get the shakes, and a bad tummy....it stopped when people stopped mentioning him...if someone was to mention now, I would just walk off....IDIOTSXXX

#3 Nov 15 - 9PM (Reply to #8)

Amazed

Awesome insight used!!!

Great that you are bold..and don't put up with that suckhold that others try to glean off,,you know now and deal with it..indeed. Just walk off is the answer..we have to realize when we are fragile, and take care of ourselves..: ) Amen

#4 Nov 15 - 5AM

Sparrow

People don't realize the

People don't realize the boundaries they over step when asking you such a question. I don't believe that they really understand and don't categorize it as being a victim, they just look at it as an end to a relationship, that was bitter. But honestly, would you question someone who was raped about the rape? No. Would ryou question someone about anything that is extremely personal, painful and horrifying. No. I don't believe they look at it as we do and feel comfortable asking. You don't need to answer if you don't want to. Simply say, that is a subject I do not care to discuss with anyone. Period. If they have a problem with that, than its their problem, not yours.

#5 Nov 15 - 9PM (Reply to #6)

Amazed

Thank you Sparrow

You are absolutely right about sensitivity to boundaries..and we would absolutely acknowledge that if someone had been through such a trauma..and don't tread on it...I will now protect my boundaries..guess I wish I had known before how to deal with it.

#6 Nov 15 - 1AM

empath

Amazed

I felt so upset for you reading your post. Triggers and PTSD, you already know about that. I tend to find myself feeling very awkward when someone asks me a question...I always feel "obligated" to answer. I learned that when someone asks me a question that I would rather not answer, the kinds of questions people ask when they are just being nosy, etc., I have learned to answer their question with a question, and it works wonderfully. When someone asks you an uncomfortable question, simoly respond with "Why do you ask?". It puts them at a disadvantage because now they have to justify their question. If they actually respond back instead of just shrug and change the subject, then you respond to their justification with "Oh." And then just go quiet. If it is someone you genuinely have friendship with and you are just uncomfortable, then be honest and tell them you would prefer not to talk about the past, and change the subject. A friend will respect your boundaries. Our boundaries are part of what makes us vulnerable, and knowing when to strengthen and when to relax those boundaries is a part of our healing. Don't allow anyone to put you on the spot or lead you into an uncomfortable situation. Hope you are feeling better and thank you for sharing your story here. The triggers are difficult for me and still happen too frequently.

#7 Nov 15 - 12AM

Jax

I'm so sorry that you had to

I'm so sorry that you had to go through those feelings all over again. Yes, aside from a good therapist, a lot of people really won't understand the wierdness or know what to say that's helpful and to be honest sometimes I wonder if people would believe what we experienced. Friends didn't really believe me until I showed them the insane texts. Its very helpful to talk to someone i trust and get the ick out of my system. Take care!!!

#8 Nov 15 - 12AM

greengirl91

I have decided that this is

I have decided that this is the only place where I will talk and be vulnerable about what hapened to me with N. I had friends/aquitances that kept asking me, what do you do yadda, yadda, what happened. I just smiled and said I was caught up with business or stuff. I had such "drama" friends as well, who wanted me to play that role again, of that person who complains, and then they get the chance to compare their sadness with mine, and feel better about themselfs. I`ve had such people too. Or people who invariably, didn`t understand, how it feels not even to be in a relationship with such people, but to grow with N parents. And I don`t ask them to, you know. But I don`t want their advice, as long as they can`t help me, or judge me, or all that. This place helped me tremendously, in a point where outside people/ friends, couldn`t understand, or do something. I felt I wasn`t so alone in my Journey, and I forever appreciate it. I can only advice you to do the same, to keep as much as possible, friends/people in the real world out of this..because many won`t understand, and give you the wrong type of advice. Or get you dizzy, and call you insane.

#9 Nov 15 - 9PM (Reply to #2)

ReclaimingPower

The nosiest group of acquaintances ever

I have the nosiest group of "friends" ever and I've actually figured out a way to drive them crazy by telling them nothing. They ask me what is new and exciting in my life and I go on ad nauseum about work and my kids and the gym and leave out all the stuff about my personal life. They get so bored. When they ask specifically about my romantic life, I smile and say life is good and say when I decide on one guy that I will commit to, I'll promise to let them know when in actuality I am dating no one. It drives them crazy. I've had a couple of them hem and haw and sort of ask me about the "N" and I just stare them down and say what about him? I pretend that he meant nothing (while I'm privately in pain of course but I won't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that -- most of all him). Some folks are just curious, some genuinely care about you, but a lot of folks are just so unhappy with their own life, they need the gossip and drama of someone else's unhappiness to make them feel better about their own lives. I won't play into any of it. The people that genuinely care about me, already know what I'm going through and will listen if I can't help a rant, but will not encourage it and will not divulge. It's amazing that when I pulled back to heal, how many different people tried so many different ways to find out what was going on with me. And most of them were no friends of mine and never reached out in good times. People are people. I am ever ever ever so grateful for this forum and support where I feel safe and know I won't be met with horror, judgment, or the glazing over of eyes and lectures of what I should have done and I can heal. xoxo

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