Is this sexual vulgarity a pattern?

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#1 Jul 15 - 10AM

naivenomore

Is this sexual vulgarity a pattern?

In response to sad1, invisigal said:

"Why don't you find some of those gross naked pics that he emailed you or texted you, create a document in Word including a headshot of him and below it one of his gross cock-shots (c'mon, I know all N's inflict these on everyone!)."

I totally picked up on this 'cause it's EXACTLY what my exN did to me and I was just wondering if this is a pattern that others have experienced, too? It used to totally floor me to see the bondage of his bits or his dick in a bunch of roses. It really scared me and his response to me was always that it was MY problem.

#2 Jul 16 - 12AM

Susan32

He was kind of a prude

My ex-Psychopath professor couldn't even stand the term "jerk." He'd say in a prissy way, "I don't like it when you talk that way." What was funny and ironic was that he was the subject of many masturbation/gay jokes. Since I didn't get involved with him physically, I never knew what he was like, sexually... dodged that bullet. My classmates joked that he was probably stiff and emotionless in the bedroom, like having sex with a robot. Once, he and I were discussing Hamlet's madness (and one has to remember he was sent to a mental institution as a child),and he referred to Ophelia as a slut. My friends were shocked;they concluded that he hated women.

#3 Jul 15 - 5PM

MissM

Yep they love kinky sex

Mine sent me a picture of his which, on closer inspection, had what looked like a bloody roller belt off a Hoover wrapped round the bottom of it... ?!!! This is the man who has a bag of toys he has collected that include; - giant double ended black jelly dildo - new packs of ping pong balls for insertion (dangerous or what) - a real gynaec speculum I know. Sick. Literally could not believe my eyes. In one of our first conversations he asked me if I did watersports. And like a fart, I told him I did scuba diving, windsurfing, bodyboarding... Totally naive!! I never asked about the speculum. Or bothered to think too much about who he was using them with... Does "hoover belts wrapped around the bottom of his his cock" actually class as a red flag? LMAO!

#4 Jul 15 - 9PM (Reply to #31)

naivenomore

A hoover belt?

OH My God! Miss M you have me rolling on the floor laughing here! Thank you for the details and your use of of the 'bloody adjective' - are you British? I'm, of course, sorry you had to go through that, but then the watersports comment - oh, I can't stop laughing here to type! Bless you! Are you ready for my tale? So, as he's presenting the box with the frenum ring, cock ring, and ball stretcher to me, (he's SO proud that this is what he'll be wearing during our 7-week boat cruise) he tells me he had $250 worth of silver melted down so he could craft it himself on his workbench!!! LMAO

#5 Jul 16 - 8AM (Reply to #36)

MissM

Ball stretcher?!

Isn't it just bloody unbelievable how, at the moment of being presented with a Hoover belt or a cock ring and ball stretcher, you don't actually pass out laughing in a pool of your own wee? Hang on, yours made his own? Can you imagine being a fly on the wall as he crafted away, intermittently shoving his balls and todger into the ongoing piece of art till he got it right? Freakily, mine also crafted rings and necklaces in gold and silver, and a wrought iron bed once. Which sounded very romantic and artisan till he said he wouldn't mind making himself a metal 'Jason Halloween-style' mask. What was your face like as he showed you his silverware..?! Yes I'm british. Bloody's a good word. Now I know why his Hoover didn't work.

#6 Jul 16 - 8AM (Reply to #34)

MissM

Ball stretcher?!

#7 Jul 16 - 9AM (Reply to #35)

naivenomore

Please move to Canada!

Oh my God, again, I'm cracking up here from your response LOL! This board has been absolutely amazing for my sanity, and YOU are hilarious, indeed! Can you just pick up and move next door to me here in Canada so we can gab, drink tea, and heal? When he showed me the stuff I had just arrived from a long 6-hour drive to get there to the boat for the summer and I was really tired, and I honestly didn't know what to say - just kinda' lost for words ;-) There's something about seeing a 58 year old man bouncing around naked all day with his bits dangling and restrained that just doesn't do it for me, you know?

#8 Jul 15 - 10PM (Reply to #33)

Happy1

hahaha Chickadee! That is so

hahaha Chickadee! That is so funny! That made me laugh out loud!!! It's something my N would have done! lololol Thank you for making me laugh!

#9 Jul 15 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

Amy

Holy Crap!

Total freak fest! Mine started getting worse with time. Like when drunk he would ask me if I wanted to "f**k him with a strap on." And, when I was like "ummmmm not really" he would say he knew I wanted to. When sober, he denied he ever said that! LOL!

#10 Jul 15 - 4PM

positivefuture

oh yes!

cock shots galore because he was sure i wanted them. he also wanted me to send umm....vjayjay shots to him. told me he jerked off to them. always wanted to know if i wanted him to "rape" me (THANKS, BUT NO!!) talked dirty all the time. unless he was punishing me (LOL, not hearing his dirty talk was punishment). he actually wouldn't speak to me for 2 days because i wouldn't wake out of a sleep and talk dirty to him on the phone. and so much more...

#11 Jul 17 - 7AM (Reply to #29)

Qing Yuan

They are empty men, voids, casms of darkness....

I am close to throwing up. A speculum. I am shuddering... I am really shuddering... Im glad your both laughing about these yucky blokes. Mine loves it when I am drunk and will do anything he wants. I do and in my head it's right????? I get how sicko they are now... nasty submissive b-j's... these gys are dirty vulger men who debase woman with there own physcial need for intimacy... I think getting a touch of real intimacy with a male friend has made me see that I am so stupid to not get that earlier... dirty nasty act of subjeagting your partner is never gona fill the gap, fill the void. they are too full of drakness to just want to touch... it has to be about power and ownership of the other perosn body... Its never gona make up for the real sense of touch that is what thet are obvioulsy missing but dont know how to give it or get it.. SAD pathetic loosers. I SEE that now... I really dont know that I saw it before... I am lucky today... to see that this is what is going on...

#12 Jul 15 - 2PM

Scoop

Sex with my narc was sooo

Sex with my narc was sooo boring , first of all he could only last 20 seconds and that was when he could manage to get it inside , many occasion he came before any contact ... and it never got any better ! so for 2 years really i dont really count that i have had sex at all . What was i thinking !

#13 Jul 15 - 3PM (Reply to #25)

Happy1

I think I can top that with

I think I can top that with him laying there with his eyes closed and not moving with his arm over his eyes while I did all the work. Was it 'hide and seek' play? I'm not sure. What a turn on! What were we all thinking! They're so darn sexy and hot! NOT!

#14 Jul 15 - 3PM (Reply to #26)

wholeagain

Sad1...

I think you are turning a corner :) Next time you're feeling down, read your post above and remember him with his arm over his eyes. Sounds like a Victorian scenario in reverse-- "lie back, close your eyes and think of England" lolol!

#15 Jul 15 - 4PM (Reply to #27)

Happy1

That made me laugh out loud

That made me laugh out loud wholeagain! Thank you! lolol

#16 Jul 15 - 2PM

broken23

wow so many images in my

wow so many images in my head...lol. its wierd, i thought the SEX was amazing bc of that reason...the dirty talk, the no foreplay, aggressive. when i compared notes to my friend, she once said he talks to you like a whore. i was pissed for her at days (isolation) but i can see now though how it may have not been healthy and not normal. i have only been with two people....and with the other guy it was just slow and unpassionate, so i liked the change. i realize now that it wasnt nomal and over a period of time...i would have maybe liked to cuddle or kiss.

#17 Jul 15 - 1PM

wholeagain

Yeah I can relate

Never made love, just dirty porn-style sex, porn, nasty fantasies, any pictures he wanted to take had to be sexy-time. Got to where I never ever wanted him to point a camera at me. I thought we had great sex but then, separately, my therapist and a friend both said "from what you've told me you've never had a good lover." And I knew they were right. I have now and it's a world of difference. Sorry I got this far in life before I figured that one out.

#18 Jul 15 - 2PM (Reply to #21)

BAW

"I thought we had great sex

"I thought we had great sex but then, separately, my therapist and a friend both said "from what you've told me you've never had a good lover." And I knew they were right. I have now and it's a world of difference. Sorry I got this far in life before I figured that one out." Same here. It's a whole new world! My favorite was when after we split the N said to me "I wish I could have involved you more in our sex life." I didn't even know what to say and had to try not to laugh at him. Mind. Boggling.

#19 Jul 15 - 3PM (Reply to #22)

wholeagain

BAW lolol

I wish I could have involved you more in our sex life?!? Classic! That should go under the "let's make fun of them" thread.

#20 Jul 15 - 1PM

hopefuljms

I believe it is very common.

I believe it is very common. I caught mine masterbating via webcam on a chat site. Needless to say I was devestated and he swore to me that he would get help about it and of course he never did. He was definitely into kinky behaviour, pics, video...and worst of all cheating which I didn't know about until recently.

#21 Jul 15 - 11AM

Classie

Common

The narcissist the I got tangled with, liked to talk trash. Perverted talk. Never liked hearing it, and stated so early on. He thought he was was a great lover. NOT!!

#22 Jul 15 - 5PM (Reply to #18)

drivencrazyinflorida

Mine could not have sex without porn talk

He needed the dirty talk to even begin to get a hard on. I think he was a closet homosexual. He in no way could ever be intimate. I was nothing more that the blow up doll porn queen.

#23 Jul 15 - 11AM

nonnie

That was too funny Amy! Mine

That was too funny Amy! Mine definitely didn't know how or never tried to "make love" but was into the dirty side. Pushing me to bring home a girl from work, dirty talk, golden showers, wanting naked pics or pics of particular body parts. I also noticed that if I looked at him during this, it was like he was putting on a show and would have this expression on his face like a porn star or something. Nothing real there. In the last few years, I've had to totally go somewhere else in my mind in order to even make it through.

#24 Jul 15 - 11AM (Reply to #16)

Amy

What's really bad

Is that he would always ask "why do you think the sex is always so good with us?" I thought it was GREAT for a long time. Then when we split for a year, I experienced different people. Had much better experiences. So when he talked about how great the sex was when we got back together, I had to smile and pretend it was true! LOL!

#25 Jul 15 - 11AM

aceonelady

re sexual vulgarity

Mine did senthe me cock shots,started sex on Skype with me,and chat....Always telling me what he wanted to do to and with me...He called me daily ,never missed 1 day in 2 years....But when i met him he had ED,and he was nothing of the sex God he proclaimed to be....he said i was too much.....and 2 days later he D&D me....he was a huge Porn Addict,masturbated a lot...everything was in his head,but he couldn't deliver....But he was always making comments ,evenonc i was on Skype with him and i said i will go get a glass of water...then i came back,put my headphones on ,quietly and i heard him saying'Humm...i can see those lips around my d**k"....I said Hey what a hell is that?He said sorry darling ,i was watching CSY New York and i did let my imagination get away with me about this black girl with her pumped up lips.....i was very very sad about it,but i didn't wanted to argue....he is not normal.....he asked me to look for appartments because he was moving out his ex girlfriends house....so i did tell him i saw a nice one near the University...the first comment was...humm.....all those young college girls....he is 42,me 54,he has daughters 16 and 18...is just a disgrace...and this ladies and gentleman still resonates in my mind and he is NC on me because he says he cannot trust me as a friend.....

Aceonelady

#26 Jul 15 - 10AM

NinjaGirl

Hmm

Mine looked at transgender stories, sites, comics, etc. (all about men turning into women), and masturbated in a very unusual way. Sorry if that's TMI. He wasn't good at sex AT ALL, and didn't have a huge interest in it, either. Man, with every passing day I become more thankful that he dumped me.

#27 Jul 15 - 10AM

Steph

Mine sent me some cock

Mine sent me some cock shots, and wanted sexy pics of me. I thought that was a healthy sexual relationship....but I guess not!

#28 Jul 15 - 10AM

helldweller

vulgarity

I must have sent him hundreds of dirty pictures, but he refused to do the same. Always protecting himself but not me.

#29 Jul 16 - 8AM (Reply to #9)

Used

nutty narc

b/c i wouldnt have anything to do with him sexually,body parts would have been a nono, he said could he take a photo of my calves and my hands b/c my hands are small, he said he used to imagine how big his willy[my words] would look in my little hands, oh dear i was friends with this nutcase for 5 years,

#30 Jul 16 - 8AM (Reply to #10)

MissM

Used

And he was trying to be your friend?? Used, your 'little hands' story reminded me of a guy a friend of mine dated. He had some kind of syndrome (napoleon maybe?) where one of his hands was just tiny. Like a dinky replica of his other hand. Anyway, he used to send her pictures of him holding his trouser friend in his small hand to make his willy look enormous. Unfortunately she also has a picture of him scratching his chin and it looks like he has a giant papier mÃ¢chÃ© head. They're sad but you've got to laugh.

#31 Jul 17 - 6AM (Reply to #11)

Used

miss m

oh i relize i was nieve in this emotional friendship, it was intense, and i believe in the end i became the woman he must have,b/c all his woman friends[he implied] had some sort of sex with him as time went on and he would say i hope you are not seeing anyone behind my back WTF, he truly couldnt believe i didnt do sex, if he knew what my 31year marriage had entailed ,he might have got the picture, after divorcing husband i told my self never again will i have sex withany one, its 14years now since i thought that and i stuck to it and my feelings have changed in no way, oh silly narc boy, thought he was such a player my exhusband, took some beating but i got out and now i am here, great stuff.

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