Sexual dysfunction, is this normal for narcs?

My poor narc wanted so badly to be f*cked in the rear. But he just couldn't do it. He wouldn't allow anything in there but a tongue and, at the end, that is ALL he wanted: for tongue in the ass for a long time and for me to stroke him from behind. Make sure you are picturing this: me on my knees behind him and so he can't see me and he told me to not talk or make sounds, so pretending it wasn't me was very important. And not pretending he was having sex with another woman--because he didn't want to have any version of heterosexual sex. He seemed to love it at first and loved breasts, etc, but he didn't even pretend at the end of the "relationship." I saw him this morning at the coffee shop outside, with his adoptive child, smoking with his legs crossed at the knee and his jacket sleeves pushed up to the elbows and thought, Oh my god. He is as gay as a three dollar bill. If only they would come to terms with it--whatever "it" is.

lol reading through all these stories of ours...gosh, I wonder if they were all gay. Deep down...they were gay. lol I should send mine an anonymous email...asking the following: are you gay? and that's it. :P Kiiiiinda makes ya wonder, no? They hate women. They are obsessed with anal. I am seeing a pattern here. Not that gay men hate women, not saying that. But, never know.

My exN and I didn't have penetrative sex for 12 months of the 18 we were together and only a few times before that. He was a prescription drug user and he blamed the combination of pills and his stress at work for the reason he couldn't perform. He kept telling me that I would end up cheating on him because he couldn't service me properly. It wasn't the dysfunction that bothered me as much as anything we did in the bedroom was only when he wanted it and never was there any foreplay. Ugh.

He had an obsession with anal. Did not happen. We had a long distance relationship, and only had sex a handful of times. To my regret. Very vanilla. He was attentive. But, I got the sense, after many conversations...that it would have turned to him controlling. He would tell me about the women he dated, where he would take them to a point and stop. All day, sometimes til they were insane with lust. I found it curious, and exciting. I didn't find it twisted. But, now, knowing what I know about him? Yes, it's twisted. It is fun to playfully tease. Builds desire. But, to ''torture'' someone, as he put it...all day. That's just strange. He told me what he wanted to do...to me eventually, 'when' we had more time together. He would say, ''Dee...I EXPECT for you to see me everyday after work...or whenever...and to have sex every single day.'' You think that's flattering at the time, but you realize. It's all about him. lol Another way to ''see'' if you'll jump through yet another hoop. His 4th wife 4th wife had him pegged, but she was dubbed as 'crazy.' He said she belitted him. Made HIM feel like wanting sex was wrong. Made HIM feel small in the bedroom, and he was always rejected by her. It's curious to me...their obsessions with anal. The more I said no...the more he wanted to. Maybe that was it. I remember when I liked something, he did it less. My stomach turns thinking about it all.

yup.......I'll just keep it at that

I will say yes to your question because i have lived it. The first weird thing was he made me watch him urniate outside in public. The next was he started masturbating in front of me and just had me lay there naked. Then it escalted with asking for a third person, anal and would i use a vibrator? The few times we actually had real intercourse he made me talk the entire time about my old experiences and ask me what my friends do to their boyfriends-this really freaked me out. I feel so ashamed because i was not sexually active for many years when i met this man. Then if i asked for sex he would say i had issues and that was all i wanted out of him and he would call me gay? what is that about- he threw the word 'gay' around all the time.

OH yes, mine was a porn addict...I passed it off the first year. Then the non stop pressure for threesomes, group sex and all things that devalued me and made me cry began. He and I had sex daily, but towards the end (and prob. at the begining too, and I was too blind) he was cold and just in it for sex. He rarely ever ejaculated during sex, he would have to do the deed himself...not to be arrogant but I am very attractive, it was weird! I chauled that up to his steroid use, but now I know it is because HE likes his own hand better than sex because he is a Narc Sociopath. Good to be out of it, but painful to remeber.

I highly recommend this article by Jennifer Wilson from Princeton University, it's about "War and Peace"--but for me, it helped explain the almost asexuality of the ex-Psych prof. Wilson's thesis is that Tolstoy was trying to abolish eros by establishing androgyny... holding up Pierre&Natasha as the Ideal Androgynous Couple. There's a quote in "War and Peace" in which the women say of Pierre "he is very amiable. He has no sex." Wilson points out that Tolstoy omits anything romantic/erotic in Pierre's proposal to Natasha... and that he omits anything that suggests a sexual life between Pierre&Natasha once they're married (despite the fact that Natasha has just borne a son by the end of the first epilogue) Sex&eros are treated with disgust. Definitely the Madonna/whore complex. The ex-P saw himself as androgynous. He identified with Pierre, saying he was anti-social&ostracizing himself from society (when Natasha marries him, she does the same, even becoming fat&rude like him) Once, he said "I am speaking to you like an old mother." Because that's how Tolstoy describes Platon, who enlightens Pierre. The ex-P was weirdly sexless. He'd call me a slut if I wore a dress or a skirt. When I was casually dating, he'd be telling his classes that I had a "Flavor of the Month" Boyfriend (projection) He was rabidly homophobic...he never did come out as gay or bi because that would require honesty&respect, wouldn't it? Yet he found homosexuality an immensely fascinating subject. For all his claims that homosexuals were evil, it was an openly gay prof (who was also his ex-boyfriend) who warned me about him. This gay prof saved me from getting sexually/romantically involved with the ex-P. The ex-P D&D'd other men, not just women. I saw him treat his male colleagues&male students badly. Ns/Ps are misogynistic--but that doesn't exempt males from being victims. The ex-P admitted to a masturbation habit. He'd say that in "War and Peace", all the good women are depicted as plain, but all the men are portrayed as handsome. It's more like he pitted me against men rather than other women. (Competing with other women would've been a level playing field, IMHO) His girlfriend was incredibly masculine. She dressed like him, had a crew cut like him. Her tank top at the graduation picnic was as big a deal as Kate Middleton's wedding dress.

We had a normal sexual relationship and appetite, however, I would not give in to his long time fantasy to have anal sex He tried to show me a porn of how much the girl enjoyed it. Grooossss. Ok let me just say that what I saw in the porn was a man bent woman over had his way with her while putting his foot on her face. HELL NO! I told him it bothered me ALOT he watched this, and he said he hadn't noticed that part until I pointed it out. I left the room. I explained later on that I didn't need porn to excite me, and I didn't need it at all in our relationship. He agreed we didn't need it. Maybe he was lying again ?

My ex N had no sexual dysfunction at all. All the problems were about control, power, image, avoiding commitment, responsiblilty, "growing up". Sex was an area where he could shine and have fun and meet his needs...I actually thought he loved me - until the next day of emotional coldness (withdrew EVERY morning from me for 10 years if we had a beautiful night together)

"Towards the end of our relationship I was hit, degraded and treated like a prostitute during sex. Disgusting! I know this isn't normal, but is it normal for a narc?" A Narc could defintately be responsible for this type of thing but whether he is a narc or some other personality disorder or mental disorder....This is NOT normal or acceptable behaviour.....doesn't matter where it stems from. get away from this abuser.

They appear to mostly all have some form of sexual deviant behavior. Mine was very sweet for the first year. Aside from the occasional off color comment and lack of interest in female body parts he was sweet. Nothing rough or unusual, actually downright boring. He did little to light my fire but he was gentle and sweet otherwise. The second year is when his true colors came out. I guess he was afraid to let on to his true nature. The second year began with talking about OW, telling me he checks them out all the time, porno, a freakish obsession with his male organ talked about it constantly, touched it all the time. Doing weird thing to himself in front of me. Asking me to do things to him, blah blah blah, I refused to engage in this aside from one night from hell and I was already on my way out so I did not care. That was the end, his sexual deviant behavior and the drugs were the deal breaker for me. I had had enough due to the narc rage I put up with the first year, funny he transferred his narc rage over to sexual obsession. I guess they have to have something going on to feel alive because they are dead inside otherwise. I am sorry for how he treated you, I have no doubt in my mind that is where he was headed with me if I had of stayed in it any longer. This was just the previews of coming attractions. They like to preen you for the real good stuff. Sick bastards. God bless, Goldie