SEX in the city...with a Narc!!! (warning: might get graphic)

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#1 Mar 29 - 9PM

Finally Faced It

SEX in the city...with a Narc!!! (warning: might get graphic)

I just HAD to start this thread as I need feedback and comments on the subject of your Narc's sex life/sexual habits/sex addiction...apologies in advance if this gets graphic...but I need to tell it like it is!

My Narc (we'll call him Hollowman) is a sex/masturbation addict. No question. Hollowman jerks off at least 4 times a day. Hollowman told me he has jerked off every single day, at least once a day, since he was 17 years old. He is now 40 with two failed marriages. He is completely addicted to porn. He has texted me when he was getting a blow job, sent me videos of porn clips, requested that I call him the next time I'm f*cking someone.

He is OBSESSED with blowjobs, anal sex, cumshots & group sex, etc. He sends me pics of his d*ck and then badgers me with questions..."What do you see?" "What do you like about my c*ck?" "How big is my d*ck?" etc. And, slowly but surely he persuaded me to sext with him, send him pics, etc. I admit, at times it was fun & sexy...but enough is enough. I'm embarrassed to admit the lengths we've gone to while sexting/phone sex. He watches porn while we're sexting and boasts about his collection of home videos he has made with his "whores." He has a harem of F*ck Buddies. He talks constantly about big c*cks in the sauna at the gym and has made several homosexual references.

Oh, and about two years ago, Hollowman "found God" and has been dating a "Sweet Christian Woman" (his words) ever since. All the while, trying to string me along on the side, long-distance... and telling me often that the only way he can "get off" while having sex with her is by thinking about my....ewwww, not even gonna repeat it. This went on for almost two years. It's a long story and it has only been a "cyber-affair", never met up in person. But, man, what the f*ck was I thinking?! I'm so done!

Peace & contentment to all,
FFI

#2 Apr 1 - 3PM

dudette

Weird stuff - dirty old man

yes my one used a leather belt on me during our second encounter.... not to hit me with, just mess around....It was not really weird, just a bit kinky is what I thought at the time.... Then once he spanked me during sex - that was really painful actually, he said he would not do that again. But I remember looking at him during that and feeling revulsed. He looked like a dirty old man, the kind that exposes themselves to you on your way to school!!! Then he tried anal - twice, again I said really it's not my favourite thing !. He said I don't want to hurt you... we used to meet in car parks and mess around in the car. He really loved that.... then this thing started about pinning me down, preventing me from moving and trying to suffocate me, that kind of stuff.... He had had a relationship with a woman who had mobility problems. He was fascinated by women who could not walk or were "dead from the waist down" and could not feel anything!!! Loads of phone sex....many BJs.... He kept going on about some mysterious illness - something lethal connected to his ( so small it was nearly invisible at rest) appendage... we kept going to the hospital for check ups....never sure what it was.... his XW says it;s true thou and he has to use a catheter on himself otherwise he cannot wee properly.... he masturbated on me a lot.. his wife however, told me that he never did that with her, in fact she thought he did not know how to... No evidence of porn either but to be honest, I did not live with him.... oh and he was a one time only man... after one time he'd be off or fall asleep, facing away from me. no hugs, nothing....if you tried anything more he would just have massive ED and that was that..... so weird.....

#3 Apr 1 - 1PM

Bitter-sweet

a question

My N like most of the others here, did not want face to face, intimate sex. Perhaps many Ns struggles with this, since they fear intimacy and lack of control. I wonder, since some Ns are unable to feel emotionally whether that explains their addiction to physical sensation, masturbation etc. If so, perhaps this is why they are so extreme sexually. They try something and after a while, it bores them- they have to go higher, more extreme sexually... it's just a thought?

#4 Apr 1 - 5PM (Reply to #25)

ifinallygotit

Face to face part

My ex N was such a sweet lover and would look deep into my eyes when we made love - I totally bought this as the real thing - it felt real!!! He was also very affectionate out of bed as long as everything was on his terms (seeing me when he wanted to, not when I wanted to - the affection would go away if it was on my terms or I over stayed my welcome). This is why I have such a huge mind F and CD. He was like a big kid and not weird or overly aggressive sexually (except one thing he liked which I do not feel comfortable sharing, but it was not perverse or demeaning) . How do you go from love birds for 10 years to strangers with no discussion??? How can you be the most cold blooded person around and so sweet natured? Maybe he was addicted to making women feel loved and just was a great actor? It never felt fake ever...I am still confused by it and the rug ripped out under my feet. Some of his last words "you can feel confident in my love, its all for you..."

#5 Apr 1 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

Arwen

Oy

mine was also sweet..I love you into my eyes...then rolled over no after affection only if I pushed it. Motherf--er. He was in love with love. He was bowled over by me. He did love me. He doesn't love himself. I don't think they say I love you to everyone. Those of us on here who are hurt the most are the best of the lot trust me. the more they love you the worse they hurt you.

#6 Apr 1 - 6PM (Reply to #26)

TLSM

Same Here ifinallygotit!

Are you sure we weren't with the same guy? He LOVED face to face, the looking deeply in my eyes the WHOLE time. That is what turned him on more than the thought of kinky sex. We both were not into it at all. All the sweet words, his undying love bs...Totally fell for it. But who wouldn't when these guys could win an Oscar? Why do I have a feeling that your ex N's secret thing was same as my ex N's? Wasn't demeaning but definitley something I wouldn't share here either. Anyways, with all the sweet words and tons of affection he is still a piece of shit, definitely traits of a Narc, but mostly has BPD.

#7 Apr 1 - 5PM (Reply to #24)

AJRD

Very interesting theory

And very consistent with what my N wanted...all physical, NO emotions. It's all about the orgasm. Interestingly, he was very into me telling him my fantasies, but not too into sharing his. He wanted to hear me tell him how great I thought he would be. Puke

#8 Apr 3 - 8PM (Reply to #23)

Finally Faced It

Agreed

I completely agree, Bitter-Sweet. I'm surprised there is not more scientific research/information out there relating to narcissism and sex addiction. I've googled the terms together, and most of the results come up that there is no such thing as "sex addiction" per se, but it is, in fact a manifestation of Narcissism. I think your conjecture is spot on! I'm in this strange stage today...I am feeling so much compassion and sadness for my guy. It can't be a good way to live. And, I don't think he is inherently a bad guy. Just very, very disordered. I'm (still) so done...but also wish him peace & contentment. FFI

#9 Apr 1 - 11AM

AJRD

Mine wanted...

to f--k me in my office, f--k me in the bathroom, asked me to send him naked pics (never did, thank God) He told me he jerked off thinking about how my nipples looked in my sports bra. He always wanted me turned around for sex (seeing my face was just "too emotional" for him). The only conversation we were to have was about sex, how wet I was, how hard he was, how much he wanted a blow job from me (never gave him one, thank God). Ok, reading it just now...makes me feel like I need to go take a shower. Yuck

#10 Apr 1 - 12PM (Reply to #21)

Finally Faced It

Glad I'm not alone...

uggghhhh....our guys are twins. Where do they learn this crap?? I'm so done!!

#11 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #17)

Veronrose

AJRD, Did he actually SAY

AJRD, Did he actually SAY seeing your face was too emotional for him? Mine wanted me turned around too so I was just curious. xo V

#12 Apr 1 - 5PM (Reply to #18)

AJRD

Yup...

I wasn't allowed to even talk about seeing his face when he came...WAY too emotional for him.

#13 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #19)

Veronrose

It's the fear of intimacy

It's the fear of intimacy thing I suppose. Even in the fog, there are some times where we CAN make sense of the insensible. NOT that making sense of something makes it understandable....if THAT makes sense. LOL.

#14 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

Fear of intimacy

The ex-Psych prof HATED sex, like all cerebral Narcs, he saw sex as dirty, low, common- one of his favorite Leo Tolstoy quotes is that sex is basically disgusting, and should only be used to replenish the human race. In my freshman year, he relished the fact that he was seen as some sort of sex god... a sex god who happened to be a philosopher. Or I'll quote Che Guevara from Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Evita", in which he describes Eva Peron as a "saint, a fantasy of the bedroom." (OK, Antonio Banderas is a great singer, and hot to boot) He liked the concept of being an object of sexual fantasy... yet he despised too. My freshman year, he was fantasizing about being FAT. Very bizarre. By my junior year, when I was dating&he had less of a hold on me (not to mention the openly gay prof who strikes me as an ex-boyfriend)... he DID get fat. It wasn't slight plumpness. By my final D&D, the crows' feet, the paunch, the fact he was getting drunk around students... it was downright surreal. He expected ME to become the drunk, fat one... when it didn't happen, he had to DIY. The sad paradox is that BOTH the ex-P and I wanted to have sex with each other, but we never did. He withheld sex&affection from me because that's how Ns/Ps get off. I withheld sex from him for the same reasons why I don't let my year old nephew drink wine or drive a car. I wasn't withholding out of cruelty, but so as to not enable. I wanted to have sex with him early on because he was sexy;he wanted to have sex with me in order to degrade me. He wanted to be able to say "She was so desperate she had sex with fat, drunk ME!!!" There IS something sad about it. I stuck to my guns about not having sex outside marriage. If he had RESPECTED me, I would've engaged in normal sex with him, I would've tasted his Boston Cream Pie--but since he didn't respect me, I didn't let him have sex with me.

#15 Mar 31 - 8PM

beamoflight

WHAT TO SAY???

Mine like anal sex, blow jobs,wanted another man to "play" with us, dressing up IN MY PANTIES and would watch porn constantly-- which was great considering he jerked off at least 3-4 times a day Ummmm..... yeah, they have a chip or two missing up in the brain.

#16 Mar 30 - 11PM

Susan32

Hand Jive

One of the long-running jokes at my college was that the prostitutes down in town were rejecting the ex-Psych prof because they weren't THAT desperate for $$$, and they at least wanted to enjoy the time they um, had. Another joke was that he wasn't into porn because he had a mirror. The ex-P admitted his masturbation habit to me. He compared himself to Ignatius Reilly, the obese Narc anti-hero of John Kennedy Toole's "Confederacy of Dunces",who spends his days engaging in self-abuse and finding sexual sublimation in junk food. When Reilly is carted off to the insane asylum, he says that he finds "surcease and sublimation in food." By the end, the ex-P had a gut not only from the beer, but from the junk food. Since he wasn't getting pleasure from the guys.... I think he was gorging on Twinkies instead.

#17 Mar 30 - 10AM

spinning

FFI,

sex with the severely disordered one I was involved with was unlike anything I have ever experienced in all my 53 years on the planet. His weird fetishes and requirements and whatever-the-hell you'd want to call his version of 'intimacy' was so BIZARRE that I can't believe I even participated in some of it. At first my approach was 'well, everyone has some hangups and so what if this is a little different?' but later it became SO MUCH WORK that I found myself trying my damndest to avoid it. In fact, he D & D'd me (the final D & D) via text messages because the evening before after a 10-day silent treatment freeze out when he graced me with this presence I didn't sleep with him. I was so not into it, told him it felt like a game, and was frankly just too exhausted to care. BHAM! After six years, one night that I don't give in he's gone... WHATEVA! Yuck. I don't even like to think about the sexual aspect of the relationship. I do not miss that ONE BIT. He SUCKED BIG TIME and I faked it a lot. I'll never do that again. sincerely (determined to again stop) spinning

spinning

#18 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #13)

dudette

Spinning

not funny I know but your post DID make me laugh.....

#19 Mar 30 - 7AM

jen79

I see

you had like me this sort of cyber affair now for 2 years. Here the same with sex addiction and all this I want to see but there is this and that, but I really want to see you. Last thing I got was, I am in deep pain about my poor commitments, but you lived in my fantasy the last years while I tried to continue my realtions. And I have much guilt for that. and you woke me up. This is how he kept me hooked for so long, bullshit talk that says all and nothing. I think these guys need a fantasy to dissociate from their real life and relationships. The fantasy and cyber sex means more to them than real life. Only a narc can understand that. And you know what. I am done too. Its all so freakin twisted with them.

#20 Mar 30 - 7AM

helldweller

finally faced it (graphic)

Around here I'm sometimes known as The Ass Licker because the narc would make me lick his anal opening for sometimes an hour at a time. He also refused to have intercourse unless it was anally and made me give him blow jobs even when I had the flu and strep throat and literally couldn't breathe through my nose. I actually fainted once because he was holding me down on him by my hair and I couldn't get my mouth free. And YET he insisted that he never masturbated. He would make me sext him for sometimes ten hours straight, while I was trying to care for my kids or work and even when I was in the hospital after a miscarriage. He would make me text him photos of ME masturbating but he would refuse to do it himself, saying "I would rather wait for you." Yeah, right

#21 Mar 29 - 9PM

The Girlfriend ...

Hey ! I just bet it was MY EX-bf that you are talking about!

Really! sounds EXACTLY like him. I seriously mean EXACTLY. Pretty sure it was him alright! He is so addicted to sex and porn that he would sometimes rub himself raw! What an IDIOT! What a PERVERT! What a lying cheating Lothario Psychopathic creep! What the H*ll was I thinking too? !!!! :-)

#22 Mar 30 - 7AM (Reply to #2)

jen79

I think we all dated the same guy

Didnt we? My god. These sex narcs are all the same. Pervert idiots.

#23 Apr 1 - 9AM (Reply to #3)

Alisa

Wow. My narc wasn't like this

Wow. My narc wasn't like this at all. Honestly, I don't know about his masturbation habits and wasn't in a relationship long enough to notice anything. Of course now I am wondering if there was a side to him I didn't know. I think mine liked his own appearance and I am pretty sure he thought he was the greatest in bed. He told me once how he'd done it multiple times at night with one woman but I didn't think that was particularly strange. Not what I need but still within the norm, I'd say. As I've mentioned before, sex with mine wasn't that memorable and I had the impression that he found it weird that I owned a vibrator. I am not a person that's really sexual or wants sex all the time, so I liked that he took his time with me before we actually had sex. I just almost felt he waited a bit too long... Oh and the D&D (the first one) started right after we had sex for the first (and only) time. It just took me a while to notice it. I think he broke up with me a week or 2 after we had sex. In any case it was on a weekend when I was feeling especially needy because I was sick. He visited me and broke up with me with a bullshit reason. I still remember being in such a daze from the flu that I could only think, "WTH just happened?" and I KNEW he'd be back. But that's another story...

#24 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

Finally Faced It

Do you think...?

Alisa - do you think you were his "Madonna"?? Thus, the shock & horror (oh my!) that you had a vibrator? And, the D&D shortly after having sex?? Just a thought...

#25 Apr 1 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Veronrose

Mine loved that I had a

Mine loved that I had a vibrator....wanted me to send him pictures of it in me. What I said was "You have to play with it WITH me", he said "Sounds good".....never came to fruition tho....he was so good at keeping me at a distance while dangling the carrot.

#26 Apr 3 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

Hope

about a vibrator...

Mine said when we were in a sex shop once about a vibrator, "I'm not going to have some machine do my job!" He also liked to whack off, he pulled out once when we were making love and started to masturbate, I thought good, let him go at it and give me a break already!! If he couldn't do it at night, he'd say "I loved myself today" meaning you know what...so weird hugh?

#27 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

Finally Faced It

That's it in a nutshell...

"....he was so good at keeping me at a distance while dangling the carrot." EXACTLY. I'm so done! FFI

#28 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Finally Faced It

That's it in a nutshell...

"....he was so good at keeping me at a distance while dangling the carrot." EXACTLY. I'm so done! FFI

#29 Apr 1 - 5PM (Reply to #5)

Alisa

No, I don't think I was that.

No, I don't think I was that. Although it's an interesting thought...

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