Severely disoriented - Help

Last night was pure torture. I can't wait to leave this man. (I haven't posted in a while. - Quick recap, I am desperately trying to get a job so I can leave an abusive relationship once and for all.)

He is crafty, so manipulative, cruel and vindictive. Yesterday I made his favorite meal, which is a beef stew of sorts. It has to be slow cooked for 4 hours. By the time it was ready, we were both pretty hungry. For some reason the beef didn't turn out tender like it normally does/should. I've made this dish dozens of time and he asks for it because he likes how I make it. But on this night I was a total "screw up" he said. Why does he have to call me names? He wouldn't let me hear the end of it. Even though I totally agreed with him, matter-of-factly, that the DISH didn't turn out well. Yeah the meat was a bad batch, and next time I will take better strides to pick out good cuts. In my head though I knew that seriously the fat grislies were so intertwined in the meat, it wasn't the kind of thing that happened often or was in my control. Fluke incident. But oh no.

He lectured me for an hour straight. He actually said in a yelling firm hateful tone, "Seriously___, if I don't have a woman who can pick out good meat and put a good meal on the table, what good are you for my future?" I wanted to start laughing! I wasn't upset at that point. He was dead serious though. I said "let's acknowledge and move on here. You've already made your opinion known and I agree with you that this was a bad dish. I've really heard enough, it's counter productive to go on and on. Drop it ok. I'm not going to fight with you." He kept at it though all throughout the meal. I just had to ignore it. I certainly wasn't going to cry over this A-hole. I'm way past that phase.

Ladies, I opted to surprise him and make this dish for him about a year ago. It turned out great and the next dozens of times I've made it. I didn't HAVE to make it. He all happily asks me to make it for him! How quickly his attitude turns from a spirit of gratitude to cruel and demanding.

Well, he wasn't done for the night. Antagonizing, tormenting, and sleep deprivation came next. We went to sleep and I woke up around 3:30 with him touching my nipple to annoy me. I hate when he does weird stuff like that (Ive told him not to dozens of times in the past;therefor that is sexual abuse). I grimace and say stop. He then turns on the light and says he's going to read. We've had countless conversations about how I need total darkness and quiet to sleep healthily. He intentionally was doing this to get me off kilter. I have an interview on monday and have to study all weekend. He KNOWS it messes me up to have my sleep disrupted. This was an original reason we broke up back when I did have a job a couple years ago. He KNOWS our arrangement. He never keeps his word. (I never should have reconciled with him but that's a given now!) I decide I'm not going to argue with this deranged man.

I told him in a neutral tone that I am going to the other room to sleep. This is the first time I have done this in a long time. However, at least two times per week he does it to punish me. He yells at me then gives me the silent treatment and sleeps in another room. Well, he flipped out, yelled at me in teh middle of the night that if I chose to do that I better remember this moment at the end of the relationship. Dear Lord, I just want to sleep right now. I'm not having this dramatic conversation. I reminded him that he is the one who made sleeping apart a norm. He just did it two nights ago and I didn't even say anything! I'm not even mad or anything at this point, I just want to get to that quiet dark room and go to sleep. It's not personal against him. But his refusal to be the accommodating one is pitiful but whatever. I am now beyond that convo too about why he wouldn't be the one to naturally think since he is the one who got up to be the one to slip out of the room quietly so he won't wake me up. That was the question couple years ago. Way passed it now. In my dreams I've already left this guy.

One hour later, I am deep in sleep in the *other* room. He comes in and pretends he is getting in bed with me, rubs on my back (to wake me up on purpose but act like that's not what he's doing). Once he sees I've woken up he kisses my cheek. He's pretending to be loving-his mission was to wake me up. I know him, he's sick in the head. He's a "brilliant" ambient abuser. He gets up after 15 minutes and goes back into the other bedroom and watches a video turned up to regular volume. I lay there totally psychologically depleted. I started praying softly to God to deal with his evil spirit, it's just not in my "jurisdiction" (heh) nor am I interested. I finally fall back asleep. He comes back in another hour later with his laptop this time and plays his video with headphones on, but the volume was up high. He wanted me to tell him the volume was too high. He was gratified knowing he was pretending to be loving but torturing me. I ignored and just prayed deep deep inside to find inner peace to fall asleep despite his abuse. I did. Finally at 6am I fell asleep.

Well, now I'm awake studying.
Ladies, please send me positive vibes to get this job on Monday. The only way for me to thrive in my life is to get far away from this terrorizing man.

Thanks for reading..it was a long one!