Setback-blaming myself:(

I went our last night with the girls for a few glasses of wine. I was very emotional on my way home because I am so used to going everywhere to dinner with him....I feel like no other man will compare because he was someone that I truly felt a connection with....I keep thinking that it was me nagging him that pushed him away....maybe I COULD have put up with his "jokes" when he called me names like slut and whore.Maybe he was really joking and I was just not fun anymore...he wanted to marry me and have his kids so early on..He told me he would do anything for me and always made time for me.I can't even listen to country music without thinking of him because we started getting into it together and shared all the love songs...Now he's with someone else and I keep asking myself if she is better than me....better looking..more fun. Maybe she will have a threesome and I wouldn't so he cares more about her than he ever did me..I've been depressed all day after doing so well for weeks:(( I know it sounds crazy..just a weak moment maybe.