Setback

I am so tired of taking steps back. I feel I take a 2 steps forward and then go 1 step back.

ex's mother told me yesterday at church that she loved me. Im just really weirded out, she is being overly nice to me. Im just tired of that. Im looking for another church for son and I to go to. Its time to.

Then had an incident with ex and its my fault. I let myself fall into it and I know better. I just hate dealing with him because it leaves me drained and exhausted. I had a panic attack to. I dealt with him in person this time. I hadnt had a panic attack in a long time. So I think that is how I let myself get off track.

I had left his mail at the drop off pick up point. Son had school pix today and ex never gave his order. Son asked him and it was at the last minute. I got the blame as usual and then when i caved to let him bring it by. Big mistake and I know it. He came after son was in bed and I had to deal with him. It seemed like he was dragging it out to. He kept asking questions about the order and the more he asked the more I felt that rise of panic come up.

I finally said I cant do this and I cant coparent with you. He started in and was dead set that we parent together and its in sons best interest. So that space I wanted he is not going to let me have until I learn more ways to deal with him without having a panic attack.